Is it Baby-Sitting or being Polite?

LegacyUser

Ok, so here’s the deal, I live in Dublin, and have friends in Portarlington.
About once or twice a month, one of these friends calls, and literally begs me and my boyfriend to come out to Port for a night out, and offering us a place to stay.
Sometimes we are well up for a night in Port, sometimes not, but said friend is relentless, and persists until we eventually agree to go down.

So, this friend has a miserable biatch of a girlfriend, who regularly throws tantrums, and the last 10 times we have been persuaded to travel for over an hour to get to Port for a night out, she has thrown a strop about 1 or 2 hours into the evening, and stormed off, with our friend running after her like a lap dog, and leaving us to enjoy the rest of the night without them, and to also make our own way home.
On several occasions they will have gone to bed by the time we get back to the house, and we have been locked out, and left calling their mobiles so they would come down and let us in.

Now I am sick of going down there now, and finally had it out with the stroppy bitch girlfriend. I said something along the lines of:

"My point is, don't invite someone down for a night out if you think you are going to leave early, its just not nice, as simple as that.
When you came down here I would never have left early, because you were our guests, and it is not polite to invite someone down only to leave them to their own devices, it has nothing to do with babysitting, it is just common courtesy, as I said before"

To which she replied:
"As for common curtsey were not baby sitters you are 22 and 23 you should be able to take care of yourselves. As for going home early that’s our choice and has nothing to do with you."

So, does she have a point?
I was of the belief that if I invite someone into my home on the promise of a night out, that I am obliged, at some level, to make sure they have a good night.

If you guys invite someone into your home, do you feel its only polite to make sure they enjoy themselves, or do you feel like you shouldn’t be expected to baby-sit and that said friends are big enough and bold enough to look after themselves?

Maybe I am just old fashioned, I really don't know. This girl seems to think I am complaining about nothing.

One things for certain, we wont be staying with them again any time soon.

Tusky

If it was a party and there were loads of people there it wouldnt really matter if they left...but if its just the four of you, thats very rude. I wouldnt be able to do that as I would feel oblieged to entertain the guests.

You have a good point there.

If it's for a short period of time, then you make sure they enjoy themselves. Common courtesy. If it's for a long period of time and they've settled in a bit, then you don't have to be quite as attentive, but locking you out etc is rude.

If I were you, I wouldn't go back down there again, not without having a few more words with them both about it.

Cal

What is it with these 'Crazy Lady' types..............

It is only common courtesy to look after your guests. I think she has deeper issues relating to not being the centre of attention.

Avoid wasting another weekend on them.

Cal.

Femelade

well whats the point in inviting people for a anite out and then go home early! what a waste of a nite!
she is totally wrong. The whole POINT of inviting someone out for the nite is to go out, have fun etc.
Its pointless otherwise. if i were you, i wouldnt bother going to port again.
maybe invite her along to where you live and leave her. see how she likes it.

tbh

You're right, she's wrong.

chiller

sillysausage wrote:

Ok, so here’s the deal, I live in Dublin, and have friends in Portarlington.
About once or twice a month, one of these friends calls, and literally begs me and my boyfriend to come out to Port for a night out, and offering us a place to stay.
Sometimes we are well up for a night in Port, sometimes not, but said friend is relentless, and persists until we eventually agree to go down.

So, this friend has a miserable biatch of a girlfriend, who regularly throws tantrums, and the last 10 times we have been persuaded to travel for over an hour to get to Port for a night out, she has thrown a strop about 1 or 2 hours into the evening, and stormed off, with our friend running after her like a lap dog, and leaving us to enjoy the rest of the night without them, and to also make our own way home.
On several occasions they will have gone to bed by the time we get back to the house, and we have been locked out, and left calling their mobiles so they would come down and let us in.

Now I am sick of going down there now, and finally had it out with the stroppy bitch girlfriend. I said something along the lines of:

"My point is, don't invite someone down for a night out if you think you are going to leave early, its just not nice, as simple as that.
When you came down here I would never have left early, because you were our guests, and it is not polite to invite someone down only to leave them to their own devices, it has nothing to do with babysitting, it is just common courtesy, as I said before"

To which she replied:
"As for common curtsey were not baby sitters you are 22 and 23 you should be able to take care of yourselves. As for going home early that’s our choice and has nothing to do with you."

So, does she have a point?
I was of the belief that if I invite someone into my home on the promise of a night out, that I am obliged, at some level, to make sure they have a good night.

If you guys invite someone into your home, do you feel its only polite to make sure they enjoy themselves, or do you feel like you shouldn’t be expected to baby-sit and that said friends are big enough and bold enough to look after themselves?

Maybe I am just old fashioned, I really don't know. This girl seems to think I am complaining about nothing.

One things for certain, we wont be staying with them again any time soon.

you are completly right i would have got real annoyed with my friend for that good on ya

Goodshape

Seems fairly rude alright. Although she doesn't sound like she's much fun in the first place.

LegacyUser

Cal wrote:

What is it with these 'Crazy Lady' types..............

It is only common courtesy to look after your guests. I think she has deeper issues relating to not being the centre of attention.

Avoid wasting another weekend on them.

Cal.

I think I love you and that you are dead right

I am not talking about a party, or even a weekend session. When we go down there it is generally just for the one night.
Now, to be fair, we do know some other people in Portarlington, and when they leave we can carry on having a few drinks and a bit of sociable banter, but we are always staying with the couple in question, and it is awkward when they storm off as we sometimes we don't know if we should even go back to theirs, because of the arguing etc.

Also, we only go down because they invited us, so I would have thought it only right that seeing as they are the ones who extended the invite,, that they at least say "we're going to head off, will you be alright here?", or something to that effect, but they just grab their coats and storm of into the night, and somtimes we don't even know they have left until we notice they haven't returned from the bar, etc.

Beruthiel

sillysausage wrote:

"As for common curtsey were not baby sitters you are 22 and 23 you should be able to take care of yourselves. As for going home early that’s our choice and has nothing to do with you.".

lol
I would never darken her door again!
you don't insist on someone coming down to visit you and then go home early and lock them out of your house
totally unacceptable!

Siogfinsceal

okay, so they invite you guys up, offer a place to stay then storm off early and lock you out of the house?? F*ck that they are well out of order hun your able to look after yourself yes but if you have been invited to stay somewhere you kind of expect to be let in rather than left out on the street. Besides that its awful going out in a foursome when 2 of them start argueing its such an awful atmosphere I hate that. Your hardy going to follow them home so you can sit and watch them argue now are you?Are they really worth being friends with at all? sounds like you and your boyf have a better time by yourselves when they go home

Asok

Tell her you can go out without her just fine at home and don't see the point in travelling an hour to do it in portarlington.

SoupyNorman

sillysausage wrote:

So, does she have a point?

No, in a word.

It dosnt sound like she wants you there at all, comes across like she dosnt want her fella having any fun. I'm more dissapointed in him running after her and leaving you, fair enough if he let her off home but if me and my g/f were invited somewhere and left like that there would unholy war and i'd never go again. To lock you out aswell was the real icing on a very foul cake.

It sounds like these arent friends, just people who love the idea of friends. My opinion would be to stay away.

Dave!

Sounds like your friends need to grow up, not you.

Next time they invite you down tell them no, you're fed up with her tantrums, but thanks.

connundrum

bravestarr082 wrote:

It sounds like these arent friends, just people who love the idea of friends. My opinion would be to stay away.

:v:

cakehole

If this has happened 10 times before and you still go back down it couldnt be that much of an issue...ya have to put up with people like her ..thats the way things are.. your friend probably loves the break in the norm you provide.
Give it a break next time but don't blank them she will see she's in the wrong and make a better effort next time.

Pighead

Pighead reckons the stroppy bitchs boyfriend needs to grow a pair of balls.
Sillysausage if you and your fella were in my hood enjoying a few drinks things would have ended up much differently.

Sillysausage: Thanks for the invite Pighead, this is the best night i've ever had. You're brilliant
Sillysausages fella: That goes for me too Piggy, best night ever.
Pighead: Ah thanks lads, Pigheads having a great night too
Pigheads Chick: Waaaaahhhh, i'm having a **** night, theres not enough bubbles in my Bacardi Breezer and i want to go home. Lets go Pighead.
Pighead: Fcuk off ya moany bint, go on home the fcuk, get a sleeping back go into the garage and don't let me see you again until you lose the attitude and gain some joie de vivre.

The time has come to ditch those Zeroes sillysausage.

*Oul_Doll_Cork*

Sounds to me like they enjoy having an audience for their arguments!! :rolleyes: That is definatly wrong, you wouldn't mind if it happened once or twice and they apologised but when it happens over and over and they don't see anything wrong with it then you should definatly think about whether they are actual friends!!
Sounds to me like it's the girlfriend who has some issues and your friend loves her too much to see it!!!

MorningStar

What is this other friend having tantrums about? I think you should make it very clear that if it ever happens again you will never bother coming ever again . I think by going down there you and allowing the situation happen it is a bit odd to suddenly say you won't go down. Make your point clear and concise if she doesn't like it leave it and never bother going down again.
Either way she is completely in the wrong. WHy is she so close to this other person.

LegacyUser

Pighead wrote:

Sillysausage: Thanks for the invite Pighead, this is the best night i've ever had. You're brilliant
Sillysausages fella: That goes for me too Piggy, best night ever.
Pighead: Ah thanks lads, Pigheads having a great night too
Pigheads Chick: Waaaaahhhh, i'm having a **** night, theres not enough bubbles in my Bacardi Breezer and i want to go home. Lets go Pighead.
Pighead: Fcuk off ya moany bint, go on home the fcuk, get a sleeping back go into the garage and don't let me see you again until you lose the attitude and gain some joie de vivre.

The time has come to ditch those Zeroes sillysausage.

Ha ha ha, that is brilliant, I actualled 'lol'ed! Well done pighead:D

joe_chicken

sillysausage wrote:

To which she replied:
"As for common curtsey were not baby sitters you are 22 and 23 you should be able to take care of yourselves. As for going home early that’s our choice and has nothing to do with you."

She sounds like a biatch.

But if she asks you to come down again, just tell her:
"No... and its our choice, nothing to do with you"

LegacyUser

MorningStar wrote:

What is this other friend having tantrums about? I think you should make it very clear that if it ever happens again you will never bother coming ever again . I think by going down there you and allowing the situation happen it is a bit odd to suddenly say you won't go down. Make your point clear and concise if she doesn't like it leave it and never bother going down again.
Either way she is completely in the wrong. WHy is she so close to this other person.

You are right, I have made my point to her now, and explained that we will not be accepting their invites again.

A different friend will be celebrating their 21st in Port in a few weeks, and we have arranged alternative accomodation already.

Just to be clear, our friend, we will call him Jack, is my boyfriends cousin.

On his own, Jack is great fun, but once his girlfriend is about, he is a broken man, he complains about her carry on to us, but he never stands up to her when she behaves like this.

I have lost a lot of respect for him lately, she most definately rules the roost.

Siogfinsceal

maybe your mate begs you to com edown because he cant stand having to cope with the evil girlfriend on his own she sounds evil! he should be mortified with her carrying on like that in front of his mates

Angels

Shes a Drama Queen wants all the feckin attention every minute of the night from her fella & i bet if she doesn't get it then she storms off. Thats what i think.

I used to have a friend like that, i'd go out with her she'd meet up with her fella & after about 10 mins they'd be fighting cause she'd catch him looking at another woman, she'd flip storm out of pub he'd be running after her!! Hense i was left on me own. This happened about 10 times then i decided never again cause i ended up on me own at the end of the night like a right prat.

RoundyMooney

Jack needs to grow a pair of spheres , and ditch nine stone of useless flab.

That girl seems like a primadonna if ever there was one.

Maybe some day the man will get sense. We all know a couple like that-at least I do...

Umiq88

totally out of order

do your friend a favour and tell him what a biatch she is and to get out while he can not nice to see a nice bloke's life ruined by a woman