I'm leaving soon

gutted

I've been sharing a house with three girls and I got really attached to one of them, even though she only moved in a month ago. I am pretty certain the feeling is not reciprocated (I am 32, she is 24).
I am about to leave soon and I really want to tell this girl how great she is. The thing is I have two problems: I don't want to offend the other two by making a big deal of her in and not them and I also want to leave the door open so I can visit sometime.
If I go overboard it might freak her out and create a bad atmosphere when I come and visit. A friend of mine has been saying "Ah sure, say whatever you want, you'll never see her again so what the hell". But being fiends with her would be better than not seeing her ever again. I think she knows I like her but don't want to hassle her and make her dislike me (she's always been really nice to me).
I am also quite friendly with one of the other girls and she happens to be her best friend! I would be really embarrassed if she found out I'd made a fool of myself in front of her.
I need to decide what to do soon.

hepcat

You're 32 - why can't you ring her and ask her out? Otherwise, ask them all out for a drink when you are leaving, bring a few friends along, and see how it goes with her.

muppetkiller

Why make such a big deal of it..
Just get there details and call them sometime and arrange to meet up ...
If they do great ...if they don't move on...easypeasy

Your a good bit older than her which may be an issue to her but just go with the flow..no need to make a mountain out of a molehill and you wont come across as a weirdo either

*Oul_Doll_Cork*

Well, if you know she doesn't feel the same there is no point in going completely overboard and spilling your guts to her!! I think you should just say something like "Oh it was lovely meeting you, you are a great person"... followed by a hug or a handshake!!
You said you want to leave the door open for future visits... then just say to all 3 girls how great they are, tell them you want to keep contact and you might drop in for a visit sometime!!

Canis Lupus

Keep yo mouth shut. Only bad and embarrassing things can happen when you start doing stuff like that.

gutted

*Oul_Doll_Cork* wrote:

Well, if you know she doesn't feel the same there is no point in going completely overboard and spilling your guts to her!! I think you should just say something like "Oh it was lovely meeting you, you are a great person"... followed by a hug or a handshake!!
You said you want to leave the door open for future visits... then just say to all 3 girls how great they are, tell them you want to keep contact and you might drop in for a visit sometime!!

I think you are right. It's going to be very hard for me to walk out that door though. I wish she had never moved in to be honest.

muppetkiller

How long were you in the house for in the first place ..ie how well do you know the other two ?

If a long time then staying in contact will be easy..

hepcat

Em, you are 32 - a big boy now. There is no shame in fancying someone and asking them out - even if they turn you down. Surely you are big enough now to be able to do that, face a negative answer and still be friendly if you want afterwards. You're not asking them to marry you - just ring the house after you've moved out, tell her you miss seeing her and ask her if she'd like to go for a coffee / film / etc. Even if she says no, she is hardly going to slag you off, and if she does well she's not worth it.

d-arke

hepcat wrote:

Em, you are 32 - a big boy now. There is no shame in fancying someone and asking them out - even if they turn you down. Surely you are big enough now to be able to do that, face a negative answer and still be friendly if you want afterwards. You're not asking them to marry you - just ring the house after you've moved out, tell her you miss seeing her and ask her if she'd like to go for a coffee / film / etc. Even if she says no, she is hardly going to slag you off, and if she does well she's not worth it.

Spot on with this advice!! Now why can't it be that simple for me, oh yeah there moving to the other side of the world

MrJones

it all easier said than done though.
i feel for your situation man. basically go with your intutition.-if you feel she's not interested then just leave it.u can generally tell by body language, eye contact ,interest in conversations etc...

WhiteWashMan

gutted wrote:

I've been sharing a house with three girls and I got really attached to one of them, even though she only moved in a month ago. I am pretty certain the feeling is not reciprocated (I am 32, she is 24)..

so you fancy a girl after 1 month.
fine.
and.....

gutted wrote:

I am about to leave soon and I really want to tell this girl how great she is. .

ah. ok. so whats the problem....

gutted wrote:

The thing is I have two problems: I don't want to offend the other two by making a big deal of her in and not them and I also want to leave the door open so I can visit sometime.

riiiiight.
so youre afraid that these other two are so crazy in love with you that they will be so upset they will kill themselves becusae you fancy girl C?
why do you think that you liking girl C will effect girl A and B?

surely if you are good enough friends to even bother visiting, then falling for someone else isnt going to endanger that.
or..
you are some weird stalker type that hangs around thinking people want to be with you when really they have no interest in you.

gutted wrote:

If I go overboard it might freak her out and create a bad atmosphere when I come and visit..

why would you visit if you freak her out?
are you a stalker?

gutted wrote:

A friend of mine has been saying "Ah sure, say whatever you want, you'll never see her again so what the hell". But being fiends with her would be better than not seeing her ever again. .

why?

is she the ying to your yang?
is she your soul mate?

by the way, i assume you mean friend, and not fiend. fruedian slip of the fingers?

gutted wrote:

I think she knows I like her but don't want to hassle her and make her dislike me (she's always been really nice to me).

you think.

you think.

you dont know. unless you actually ask her, or she tells you, you wont know. you dont want to hassle her.

really, what this is about is that you have a crush on a girl, but youre afraid to say something becuase youre deadly scared she will tell you that she has no interest.
hanging around and visiting will not make her like you more. trying to make sure that there is a friendly atmosphere is not much good when really there is nothing there, and nothing will happen. but you wont know that unless you ask.

and for the love of god, just because someone is nice to you, does not mean they want to shack up with you for the rest of your life.
it doesnt even mean the like you as a friend.
it means they are polite and plesant.
thats it.

and lets face it, if you have lived with someone for a month, and all that has happened is she has been nice to you, then what exactly are you expecting to happen?
se will proclaim her undying love for you?

gutted wrote:

I am also quite friendly with one of the other girls and she happens to be her best friend! I would be really embarrassed if she found out I'd made a fool of myself in front of her.
I need to decide what to do soon.

would it be embarassing for you, or for her?

tell me.
would you rather be a fool and find out if she likes you or not, or would you rather just keep hanging around and hope to god that she does like you, but shes just too nice to say anything?

no offence, although im sure many people will get offended at this, you sound pathetic. and i mean that in the nice way.
from your post you sound like one of those people who have no ability to tell social situations.
if you are 32 and you still cant seem to figure out if someone likes you or not, and base things on whether people are nice or not, then i suggest you go with honesty.
say it straight out. tell her.
after all, the worse case scenario is that she says shes not interested,and her friends find out.

unless you come back with more info, move on...

MrJones

comicbook store guy in the simpsons anyone?

WhiteWashMan wrote:

so you fancy a girl after 1 month.
fine.
and.....



ah. ok. so whats the problem....



riiiiight.
so youre afraid that these other two are so crazy in love with you that they will be so upset they will kill themselves becusae you fancy girl C?
why do you think that you liking girl C will effect girl A and B?

surely if you are good enough friends to even bother visiting, then falling for someone else isnt going to endanger that.
or..
you are some weird stalker type that hangs around thinking people want to be with you when really they have no interest in you.



why would you visit if you freak her out?
are you a stalker?



why?

is she the ying to your yang?
is she your soul mate?

by the way, i assume you mean friend, and not fiend. fruedian slip of the fingers?



you think.

you think.

you dont know. unless you actually ask her, or she tells you, you wont know. you dont want to hassle her.

really, what this is about is that you have a crush on a girl, but youre afraid to say something becuase youre deadly scared she will tell you that she has no interest.
hanging around and visiting will not make her like you more. trying to make sure that there is a friendly atmosphere is not much good when really there is nothing there, and nothing will happen. but you wont know that unless you ask.

and for the love of god, just because someone is nice to you, does not mean they want to shack up with you for the rest of your life.
it doesnt even mean the like you as a friend.
it means they are polite and plesant.
thats it.

and lets face it, if you have lived with someone for a month, and all that has happened is she has been nice to you, then what exactly are you expecting to happen?
se will proclaim her undying love for you?



would it be embarassing for you, or for her?

tell me.
would you rather be a fool and find out if she likes you or not, or would you rather just keep hanging around and hope to god that she does like you, but shes just too nice to say anything?

no offence, although im sure many people will get offended at this, you sound pathetic. and i mean that in the nice way.
from your post you sound like one of those people who have no ability to tell social situations.
if you are 32 and you still cant seem to figure out if someone likes you or not, and base things on whether people are nice or not, then i suggest you go with honesty.
say it straight out. tell her.
after all, the worse case scenario is that she says shes not interested,and her friends find out.

unless you come back with more info, move on...

gutted

OK, I can't quote all the above questions.Some guy said I was pathetic, that's OK, I am not offended. However, I have the ability to tell social situations.
I am pretty certain she is not interested. I was just hoping she might change her mind. Also, she is not Irish, dunno if that's any help. I have only known her for a month, maybe that will make it less easy to visit them again, I dunno.
It's kind of her fault really because she is unbelievably friendly and attentive, but she's like that to everyone, not just me. I just want to correct someone who said that because she was like that to me it didn't mean she was in love with me. I know that, I am not arrogant enough to believe that.
I don't want her to think I'm some besotted saddo but I also want to let her know how I feel.
I've already been out with her in a social situation (with other friends of hers and mine) and she talked to me all night but I could tell she was just being friendly.
I can tell from her body language she has no feelings for me, I just don't want to let go.Pathetic?Yeah, absolutely!

d-arke

write her a letter?!?

gutted

d-arke wrote:

write her a letter?!?

Did already, but binned it! Look, I just wish she'd never moved in. Maybe it's better to forget about her, it's not gonna happen, I have to face up to it.
Easier said than done tho'!

Ickle Magoo

OP,

You wrote you wished she hadn't moved in and it is her fault really....I think you have to take ownership....you're the one with the problem, not her....I'm not sure I understand your blaming her for you fancying her because she was nice to you.....sounds a bit odd....sorry if I'm reading that wrong.....

Anyway, if you want to see if she wants to get to know you better then ask her out once you have left the flat and leave the ball in her court.....if you are too scared to, then move on - end of story.....I don't think you should be telling her how absolutely fabby you think she is (in a letter or any other way, if it were me & a flat mate I'd known a month did that to me, I'd run a mile - very quickly) and I also think if she really spun you out you wouldn't care about making a fool of yourself, you'd want to ask her out regardless....best of luck

Kinetic^

You're 32 ffs, ask the woman out. Its either a yes or no - it'll put you out of your misery or it'll work out well.

WhiteWashMan

gutted wrote:

OK, I can't quote all the above questions.Some guy said I was pathetic, that's OK, I am not offended. However, I have the ability to tell social situations.
I am pretty certain she is not interested. I was just hoping she might change her mind. Also, she is not Irish, dunno if that's any help. I have only known her for a month, maybe that will make it less easy to visit them again, I dunno.
It's kind of her fault really because she is unbelievably friendly and attentive, but she's like that to everyone, not just me. I just want to correct someone who said that because she was like that to me it didn't mean she was in love with me. I know that, I am not arrogant enough to believe that.
I don't want her to think I'm some besotted saddo but I also want to let her know how I feel.
I've already been out with her in a social situation (with other friends of hers and mine) and she talked to me all night but I could tell she was just being friendly.
I can tell from her body language she has no feelings for me, I just don't want to let go.Pathetic?Yeah, absolutely!

dude.

read what you wrote.

get it over with and move on. you know what the answer will be already. stop beating yourself up and just do whatever you need to do to move on.

[Jackass]

imo it's better to let a girl know how you feel about her and get shot down than to keep wondering and wishing something would happen..Its all about the way you do it though.

The main thing is to not make it a big deal...like someone said..invite the girls out to pub with a few of your mates..get a chance to chat to her 1 on 1 either having a smoke, ask her up the bar or something...say in a light hearted way smiling that getting to know her over the last month was really cool, it's a shame that you have to leave...she'll give the obligatory response: yeah, really cool getting to know you too, you'll be missed arond the house..then deliver your line: You know we should hang out some time...what are you doing next friday?

And there you go...either you've got a (friend) date, but at least it gives you 1 on 1 time and a chance to play your cards...or you'll get a polite and non-awkward rebuff!

Eminem

Do what you think is best at the end of the day you should do what you think is best