Getting Laid

LegacyUser

I was really quiet and bullied as a child so I never learnt the "social moves" of hooking up, bantering etc.
In past years I believe I have pegged down casual banter with associates. I am still at a loss about meeting girls though. People tell me to "just do it" but I don't know how. It is like I am missing a large part of human instinct.
I am not asking for "be nice" or "be yourself" but for the mechanics of hooking up. ie. where, who, how.
I would prefer not to end up slipping things in womens drinks so please leave out such comments but I am not opposed to anything underhand.

seamus

Unknowable wrote:

People tell me to "just do it" but I don't know how. It is like I am missing a large part of human instinct.

No it's not. No-one is born instantly knowing how to attract the opposite sex. Most people will say things like "Just do it", because they haven't a clue how to do it, and want to appear confident.

There is no magic formula. Talk. That's all there is to it.

LegacyUser

seamus wrote:

No it's not. No-one is born instantly knowing how to attract the opposite sex. Most people will say things like "Just do it", because they haven't a clue how to do it, and want to appear confident.

There is no magic formula. Talk. That's all there is to it.

Talk leads to friendship and brother/sisterhood - I have that coming out my ears.
What about in clubs etc. I find it hard to talk due to the noise.

Thank you for the feedback though

Ickle Magoo

Spot a girl you like the look of in the pub, a nightclub, the street, or wherever, go over to her & say hello...if she says hello back, ask her her name, what she does, where she is from, etc, etc, just chat naturally and let things happen from there....best of luck

Seraphina

Unknowable wrote:

but I am not opposed to anything underhand.

this and your title say everything.
its nothing to do with social skills or being bullied, you've got a bad attitude towards women.
we aren't objects, or some trophy to be won or a goal to be achieved.

magick

I am not asking for "be nice" or "be yourself" but for the mechanics of hooking up. ie. where, who, how.

tbh all girls are different some are b*tches and some are nice and some are so lovely u will fall in love with em.

no matter how much advice u get and i know u probably dont want to hear this but the "be urself " tatic is the best , y because if u are "urself" and a girl likes it, then she loves ou for U! and not for anything else

chern0byl

seamus wrote:

No-one is born instantly knowing how to attract the opposite sex

Yeah they are! Like anything in life, some people just have a natural ability to be better than you or me at certain things and vice versa. If you have no natural ability to get yourself some sex, then you will have to work and work hard at it.

OP: 'just do it' is what it says. You will just have to stop being a coward and start approaching the women you want to bed. Sex is wonderful and you will have some of the best times of your life doing it but are you prepared to do the work?

Most people are not! The next time you are in some social setting where irish people generally hook up[there really only is one], take a step back and observe the people around you. You will quite quickly find that both the boys and the girls for the most part, play a safe game. Stick to their own circle, make a little eye contact here and there but never act. Do you want to stay as one fo these?

The fact of the matter is that women want your sex as much as you want to give it to them. As a man, you must make the first move. There are exceptions, but quit waiting around for that bollox and make your move.

You say you lack social skills so initially you are probably going to do poorly at this game, but it all depends on how much you want this. There are so so so many gorgeous girls out there who are deeply sexually frustrated...you could be their saviour!

Lex Luthor

isn't this why alcahol was invented?:cool:

X-SL

be yourself.. bingo.

BeardyGit

Seraphina wrote:

this and your title say everything.
its nothing to do with social skills or being bullied, you've got a bad attitude towards women.
we aren't objects, or some trophy to be won or a goal to be achieved.

I'll agree that it's nothing to do with being bullied etc.

But to say that it's about attitude towards women is absolute nonsense. He's making no claims to wanting a trophy girlfriend to brag about. He's talking about getting some action and you and I both know there's very little wrong with that.

People have needs - Simple as. The fact the bloke's having trouble finding a way to satisfy his own is no reason to climb on a soap-box and start giving out about the way he descibes his desire to engage in nocturnal delights with women. I know, he could be a little more delicate in the wording but hey, everyone's different!

I've lived and worked all over Europe and I can tell you for a fact that our counterparts on the continent aren't nearly as hung up about hooking up. And although this might offend many of you - I see no problem with casual sex - As long as it's safe. The more experience one gains the better equipped they will be in many cases to satisfy a life partners sexual needs. Of course - Safe sex etc etc.

So, just because a bloke wants to get laid, doesn't mean he disrespects women. Again, over the pond this works both ways. In fact, try a Nordic country and you'll be shocked at how many women just want a piece for the night - No strings.

Having said all of the above I'll admit that the OP reeks of desperation and this will unfortunately lead to either no success or the kind he'll wake up regretting. And I'm not really in a position to provide a pointer or logistical reference to scoring. I'm just 'me' when I go out for the night. I don't chase after one thing - I just enjoy my nights out. And sometimes it doesn't even take nights out to hook up. But there you have it.

constitutionus

X-SL wrote:

be yourself.. bingo.

ditto. and most importantly, dont TRY so hard. women can smell desperation a mile off. most times ive hooked up have been when ive given up looking to get laid and just went out with the lads on a session. if you see some one you like in a bar or club try to make eye contact, if she reciprocates smile (but NOT maniacally, this scares em off ) then when the oportunity arises introduce yourself (usually when she goes to the bar), even it you have a full pint GO to the bar (although obviously not with it ) trust me getting em to seperate from the herd is the hard part .
your lucky you live in an age when odds are she may come over to you (gotta love that men/women ratio ) if you get on its quids in.
the important thing is to not come off as a stalker so talk and flirt with other girls in the bar/club and im talking about girls youve NO interest in shagging. even if nothing happens when your out on the pull you'll get a rep as an alright guy and you never know how a casual flirtation could end up anyway:)
truth is man if its gonna happen its gonna happen. women can be INCREDIBLY subtle. there could be a fine looking thing DROOLING about you but in your position too and too shy to initiate something so just keep your eyes open for backward glances or conveinient possitioning I.E away from you but STILL in line of sight (allows em to scope you out without you knowing, you'd be AMAZED how many women use mirrors in bars to leer at blokes ) so just but the image out there your available (but not DESPERATE ) pay attention to what they say (forgeting their names is a deathknell ) and if you get the chance to be witty DO so. laughter is a GREAT way of easing the tension. after that you should be alright. just dont make a big deal out of it

BeardyGit

BTW.... Have a look here too:

http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054852037

I wrote something in response which apparently was quite good. Didn't realise so but I'm going to direct you there now anyway. Also, Daedelus has a different slant on it too which could also be on the money for you.

Gil

LegacyUser

Seraphina wrote:

this and your title say everything.
its nothing to do with social skills or being bullied, you've got a bad attitude towards women.
we aren't objects, or some trophy to be won or a goal to be achieved.

I have many women friends and if you must know I see them as equal to the male ones. Talking merely leads to friendship which, sexist as it may sound, I want more than. What I meant by "underhand" was things like pretending to remember them from places etc. I was trying to say that I wouldn't like to take advantage of a drunken mess, but I might take one with a few drinks on her. (enough for her to be capable of a rational decision.

Gil_Dub wrote:

I'll admit that the OP reeks of desperation .

Ouch. But true. Most of my friends are well accomplished so I suppose I want to equal them. Unfortunatly they all have a natural "gift of the gab" which they can't teach me.

Thanks for the eye contact and smile advice. It is these fundamentals which i am missing.
So far i have tryed be yourself and it has failed

LegacyUser

Gil_Dub wrote:

BTW.... Have a look here too:

http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054852037

I wrote something in response which apparently was quite good. Didn't realise so but I'm going to direct you there now anyway. Also, Daedelus has a different slant on it too which could also be on the money for you.

Gil

Link was brilliant. Concise and practical. Thank you Gil_Dub

Miguel_Sanchez

X-SL wrote:

be yourself.. bingo.

"Never ever be yourself Dougal. That's just something people say."

The_B_Man

if it was that easy, we'd all be Casanovas and sluts. u dont get anything good that easy. ur just gona hav to work on it. tho if u talk to girls wit the intention of shaggin them straight away and ur nervoues etc then they're not gonna go near u. funny thing is that if u werent tryin them, u'd probably have more luck.

mickymg2003

Go out have a "few" Drinks(Don't get twisted). It should loosen you up and give you some courage and the abilty to be able to talk sh!t. Just go up to a woman in a pub and say hello, buy her a drink (and dont start sliming all over her and feeling her up) and talk to her for a bit, flirt with her and see what happens.

Seraphina

mickymg2003 wrote:

buy her a drink

dont assume her accepting it means she likes you
dont assume this entitles you to anything

you'd be amazed at the amount of guys who assume buying you a drink entitles them to a snog :rolleyes:

WhiteWashMan

Unknowable wrote:

Talk leads to friendship

you are allowed to fúck friends.
in fact, its what happens when you become girlfriend and boyfriend.

or are you looking for some way to get laid every time you go out ona one night stand?

[Jackass]

Seraphina wrote:

dont assume her accepting it means she likes you
dont assume this entitles you to anything

It's entering into a contract! I wasn't buying you a drinks all night for fu*king charity! Shut up and get in the taxi!!!

Ahem, Sorry, flashbacks of last night

Anyway, i don't see what the problem is! Why do you have trouble talking to people unless they have a shlong between their legs? Women have the same tastes and sense of humour!

Go to a pub, stand around the bar with a group of about 5 mates, have a bit of banter with the simular groups of girls chatting around the bar area too.

Start to concentrate your efforts on the girl you fancy the most and/or the one giving you the best reception.

Also, take up smoking. You get chatting to LOADS of people just hanging outside pub/club or in beer gardens.

Ohh, and don't get too pissed.

Blisterman

Don't buy random girls drinks to try and get them interested in you. You'll just end up going home with lighter pockets.

Royale with Cheese

Blisterman wrote:

Don't buy random girls drinks to try and get them interested in you. You'll just end up going home with lighter pockets.

Yeah I'll agree with this. I generally don't go out and try to score but was talking to a female friend about this and I said I'd never buy a girl a drink in a nightclub. She got incredibly offended (she's the type that goes out with €10 and expects people to buy her drinks all night, ie she has no interest in the guys, just the drinks) and acted like I was completely in the wrong and it was my obligation as a man to buy women drinks. Gobsh*te. Do not buy women drinks in nightclubs purely so people like her can understand the value of money.

P.S. I'm not tight, if I were out with my girlfriend I'd happily pay for her drinks. Just not for some randomer's.

Blisterman

Yeah, and If you've been talking to her for a while and she seems interested in you, then you can buy her a drink.
Unless she asks you to buy her a drink. Then forget her.

hullaballoo

Seraphina wrote:

we aren't objects, or some trophy to be won or a goal to be achieved.

**** it.