My first girlfriend dumped me and then one of my only true friends die! Please read

LegacyUser

Im a 20yr old male and ive never felt so low and depressed in my life
My first girlfriend broke up with me after 2 months i felt terrible we saw each other a lot when we first went out but at the end we would only see each other the week ends cause she was always busy with college or id be tired from work but i would have met up, I met her through my friend and hadnt been talking to her but she told me that it was cause she was so busy with college I felt ive done something wrong we tryed to have sex but i was to nervous as we were both virgins! then a few weeks later i get a call that one of my best friends is dead a week before he turned 21 i couldnt belive it only at the funeral when it hit me and now it dosent make sense i feel ive lost everything im not talking to a lot of friends i hate most of them at this time as thats the way im feeling i cant enjoy myself a lot, I love the girl and i miss my friend so much , I hadnt txted her since she brike up with me but when she found out bout my friend she txted me to say sorry and to see if i was ok and taht it takes time sa she lost a friend a months before hand and i txted her at christmas and new years and she wrote back i still belive theres hope. but thats a month now and im not sure when to txt her again i hav nightmares about her and i feel guilty that i think about her more then my friend dieing as i feel as he has gone on hoilday just away and not dead.

Im 21 soon and feel like ending it before then i feel that bad

py2006

First of all don't end it! Things are never that bad and never will be! You are going though a rough patch the moment which is very understandable. Your mind is all over the place with the upset of a break up and your friend dying!

Things will get better with time. Try to put the girl issue to one side. Girls come and go. Keep your thoughts with your poor friend and his family.

PS. Ever hear of punctuation?

MrJoeSoap

py2006 wrote:

PS. Ever hear of punctuation?

Jeez, theres a time and a place mate. :mad:

Really sorry for your loss(es), but you just gotta keep giving it more time. Have a chat to someone else you are close to. Internet forums are good because they are anonymous but they can't compare to talking face-to-face with a mate. Ending it now will just cause more pain and suffering for others. Things will get better, its quite natural for you to feel low right now but you are certainly at the bottom of the trough, so the only way is up.

AngryBadger

Talk to someone close to you, family if you can. Leave the girlfriend be for now, keep in touch with her, but don't make any mvoes, you'rer eeeling from losing your friend, and if you start trying to get serious with her now it'll just go belly-up.

Le Rack

Never even think about ending it, it may not seem like it right now but there is light.

Things are bad right now because two very bad things happened at once, it doesn't mean it will stay like that.

You could try talk to the girl, saying that nomatter what you at least want to be friends, but you would like to know if there is any chance of you two again, just so you don't feel that you're clinging onto to something that's not there.

Then you need to get yourself somewhere quite, to think, and if you feel lie it, to write. Just write and write and write everything that's inside you, how you feel but also the things you have in life that make it worthwhile. You say you hate many of your friends at present, but that doesn't mean they don't like you. They probably love and value you deeply as a friend. You just need to work through things in your head to allow yourself to see that you do have things to live for and you're not alone.

Than you need to be there for your friend's family, you were close friends, so they may even regard you as part of the family and will need your supposrt as much as others.

Nevyn

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Thaedydal

Ag marbh

Amiba wrote:

Im a 20yr old male and ive never felt so low and depressed in my life
My first girlfriend broke up with me after 2 months i felt terrible we saw each other a lot when we first went out but at the end we would only see each other the week ends cause she was always busy with college or id be tired from work but i would have met up, I met her through my friend and hadnt been talking to her but she told me that it was cause she was so busy with college I felt ive done something wrong we tryed to have sex but i was to nervous as we were both virgins! then a few weeks later i get a call that one of my best friends is dead a week before he turned 21 i couldnt belive it only at the funeral when it hit me and now it dosent make sense i feel ive lost everything im not talking to a lot of friends i hate most of them at this time as thats the way im feeling i cant enjoy myself a lot, I love the girl and i miss my friend so much , I hadnt txted her since she brike up with me but when she found out bout my friend she txted me to say sorry and to see if i was ok and taht it takes time sa she lost a friend a months before hand and i txted her at christmas and new years and she wrote back i still belive theres hope. but thats a month now and im not sure when to txt her again i hav nightmares about her and i feel guilty that i think about her more then my friend dieing as i feel as he has gone on hoilday just away and not dead.

Im 21 soon and feel like ending it before then i feel that bad

You're blowing things way out of proportion here. You were only with the girl 2 months so I can safely say you didn't even know her well. A good friend of yours died so i'm sure alot of people are stressed enough about that and now you're considering ending your own life before your 21?

Sorry but cop on

muckwarrior

I know it might not seem like it now but 2 months with a girl really is nothing! My guess is that the real problem is the death of your friend and the reason you miss the girl so much is that you just happen to really need a shoulder to cry on at the moment. And of course the fact that she was your first girlfriend also makes it that much harder.

You might feel like sh1t now, and that you have nothing to live for but if you just manage to ride the storm then some day you'll look back and think jesus I can't believe I even considered such a thing.

LegacyUser

Its ok friend, in the days before the wonders & horrors of txting, I had just broken up with a girl I had truly loved & still love even to this day, I was also 20 (you may not entirely get over her but life is a confusing mix of joy & pain). I still talk to her from time to time.

However Very shortly after we broke up a long time best friend of mine died 2 weeks after his 21st in a tragic accident.

My world began to implode just like yours.

I actually was so taken aback to the similairity in our stories.

My story happned 7 years ago!

I want to say love is the secret of survival. So many amazing things have happened since.

If you can't love yourself you will never love another, don't make the mistakes of looking to the girl or any other girl to be the perfect solution to your own feelings and then convince yourself if you can't have it you'll never be happy. In time you will realise how compromised your ability to think calmly has been by recent events. Please be gentle on yourself.

inside your head you are alone, but you are surrounded by billions of people, reach out and they will reach to you.

I'm so sorry for your pain and tragedy. Its a great thing that you've come here to talk, well done.

If you still feel you cannot talk face to face even with a close friend or relative, you can talk to the following people without revealing your identity.

http://www.niteline.org/

http://www.puca.ie/n_rugby_superstar.htm

Life is short so live it!

SLOOPY

http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/index.htmHave a look around on this site.

You might find some answers to the questions that are probably going round in your head.

Time WILL help,you don't forget,but you do learn how to cope better.

Talk ( don't keep how you're feeling bottled up inside you ) to a family member,bereavement counsellor,GP,priest,someone you trust and know,who will listen to you and try to help you any way that they can.My girlfriend died 19 months ago,so i have some idea about what you're feeling like right now.

Talking helped me,i really would recommend it.

Take care of yourself and i hope things get easier for you cope with in time

py2006

Ok wrote:

Its ok friend, in the days before the wonders & horrors of txting, I had just broken up with a girl I had truly loved & still love even to this day, I was also 20 (you may not entirely get over her but life is a confusing mix of joy & pain). I still talk to her from time to time.

However Very shortly after we broke up a long time best friend of mine died 2 weeks after his 21st in a tragic accident.

My world began to implode just like yours.

I actually was so taken aback to the similairity in our stories.

My story happned 7 years ago!

I want to say love is the secret of survival. So many amazing things have happened since.

If you can't love yourself you will never love another, don't make the mistakes of looking to the girl or any other girl to be the perfect solution to your own feelings and then convince yourself if you can't have it you'll never be happy. In time you will realise how compromised your ability to think calmly has been by recent events. Please be gentle on yourself.

inside your head you are alone, but you are surrounded by billions of people, reach out and they will reach to you.

I'm so sorry for your pain and tragedy. Its a great thing that you've come here to talk, well done.

If you still feel you cannot talk face to face even with a close friend or relative, you can talk to the following people without revealing your identity.

http://www.niteline.org/

http://www.puca.ie/n_rugby_superstar.htm

Life is short so live it!

Some good advice there and very well put!

LegacyUser

Thank you very much it does help getting it out im just to senstive and cant get over a lot of bad things that are only small so im all over the place but i belive that things will go right again. but all keep posting here as there are good people here.

Miss Fluff

Amiba wrote:

im not talking to a lot of friends i hate most of them at this time as thats the way im feeling i cant enjoy myself a lot

Don't alienate yourself because you are grieving, talking about it will help you heal

BoozyBabe

Amiba,

I don't think it's nearly as bad as you think it is.
You're head is messed up at the minute because you've lost two people very dear to you, whom you weren't ready to let go of.

Losing a best friend must be terrible & I really feel for you.
You really would be best to talk to some people about it as I'm sure there are a lot of people hurting just as much as you & would appreciate having you to share their pain.
It won't help to keep it all bottled inside.

As for your ex:- 2 months is not a long time at all to be going with someone, so she should be easy enough to get over. I don't mean to little the relationship or anything, but I'd imagine it was just a new experience for you which you were enjoying & it's the experience you're missing rather than the girl.
There are plenty of girls out their to fall in love with. I imagine it'd just be easier for you to cope with the lose of your friend if you still had her to talk to, but as I said, there are lots of other people ready to listen to you.

You know the pain your friend's family & friends are going through over the loss of him, don't put yours through the same by ending your life.
Life is a precious gift that we shouldn't throw away.
Things are never that bad.
Talk a lot about your feelings, cry a lot if you need to & as the days pass you'll find it easier to cope & hapinness is just around the corner so go get it.

Take care, hope you feel better soon

MrJones

Get a grip man.
speaking from experience, best thing you can do is move on and try find another girl.