What do I do?

Assman

I'm a little embarassed aout an incedent that happened at work. I had the whole story typed out untill my browser refreshed and I lost everything so I'm a little frustrated at the minute

Anyway, the story goes like this. About 6 weeks ago I was at work with only an hour to go untill I was off. I hate using public toilets as much as the next person and I really really needed to take a huge big shit but I decided to hold it till after work. My bowels put up a decent fight for about half an hour, by that stage I couldn't hold it any longer. I waited for suitable gap in toilet use and I went for it. I made a mad dash for the jacks. Of course in my rush to get the little brown monster out of me I didn't take the time to lay down any plopping countermeasures. Of course upon my asscheeks connecting with the toilet seat, who walks in? Nobody but my god damn boss. It was too late at that stage to abort so I went with the flow. Normally a poo entering water sounds much like a small pebble entering a shallow pool of water. This was the exact opposite. I kid you not, it sounded like a 5 tonne mother fucker of a boulder falling off a cliff, into the deepest part of the ocean. It was so loud, a miricale by all means. I didn't even realise because I was just so relieved, but I let out a huge fart as well. It was a real squeeker, like in dumb and dumber where harry (I think) is on the can in that girls house. This set my boss in the cubicle next to me into hysterics laughing. I couldn't control it at all. He actually burst out laughing. He didn't even try and conceal it. He was absolutly roaring with laugher. At this stage I started getting really really embarassed. It was horrible. Word got around the office of the little incodent as well which made it worse.

Fast forward to last Friday. I had finally gotten over all of the embarasment when the exact same situation arises out of no where. I was at work with a half an hour left when I felt the urge to take another mamoth shite. It was terrible. I tried to hold it again but to no avail. I made a desperate dash for the jacks when there was a free slot. Of course just as I got there someone else went in. To avoid the same situation as the last time I decided to feck it all and I decided I'd try and make it all the way home! I made it to the lift before my bowels gave way. I shat in my pants. Of course who did I meet on the ground floor? My God damn boss. I told him I had to go somewhere urgently. I quickly ran to the staff room which thank god was empty and I emptied the contents of my pants in to the bin. I exited throught an open window to avoid any other possible confrontations with my collegues. But wait, it's not over yet. I had to get the bus home! After a 20 minute wait at my bus stop I got on my bus and found a seat down the back. Luckily the bus was empty. I think an old lady noticed the smell because she kept on checking her shoes presumably looking for dog shit.

Anyway, what the hell do I do? If my boss noticed a smell he'll definatly have told everyone! I havn't been back to work yet and I don't really want to either. I'm really shiting myself about it (no pun intended). What should I do? Should I just go and deny everything? Should I quit my job?

Jonny Arson

Jeez you've got a very similar story to someone else in P.I.!!!!!!

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054880445


Funny (if untrue) story anyway!

Little Miss...

uh, firstly.........eeeeeeeeeewwwwwww

and secondly...just go 2 work lol...it'll be fine i'm sure...hmmm

and 3rdly....eeeeeewwwwwww!!!

biko

He he, funneh

robinph

Wear nappies, or learn when you need to go for a dump.

Assman

Zane from MTV2 wrote:

Jeez you've got a very similar story to someone else in P.I.!!!!!!

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054880445


Funny (if untrue) story anyway!

Oh, I didnt know that was there. I posted it twice in there and it didn't work. Mods you can delete this one or that one if you like.

Binomate

Quit your job tbh.

magick

I shat in my pants.

Mega Hyper Uber LOL!!!!!!9


*takes off pants and begins to lollerbate to it *

weemcd

/me pulls up a chair

Eminem

Your taking the piss right? Why would you post that if you are serious about it?

ST*

Nope, hes s.hiiting us.

Eminem

Lol :d :d :d :d

[Jackass]

LoL!!

That's some funny shit!

qz

Troll tbh.

ST*

If I was to take this annnyway seriously-

Are you taking any mild laxatives? yes / no ?

Are you ghey? yes / no ?

Neither of the above?

Insert a cork right up your ( ! )

N_Raid

Hahahahahahahahahah. . Oh my god that's funny.

and I emptied the contents of my pants in to the bin

absolutely brilliant!!! i'm getting all these images of someone else coming in and throwing a can in the bin and seeing that then turning around and seeing

I exited throught an open window

LOL!

Just go in and hope for the best. Maybe your boss didn't notice the smell. Even if he did maybe he didn't say it to anyone. All you can do really is hope for the best. Do you really wanna give up a job to save yourself a bit of embarressment?

Hahahahahahahaha. In the bin!!! I need oxygen. I think I'm gone this colour

Hitchhiker's Guide to...

if this is a serious incident and you feel that people in the office are talking about it, then go to your boss and explain the situation - say you have been taking some medicine that makes you lax. He'll be sympathic if you explain it as a medical condition.

Hitchhiker's Guide to...

also, these issues are dealt with a lot more nicely in Personal Issues...

Eminem

That is so weird what did you have for breakfast that made you do that LOL:D

Kernel

Moral of the story, when you have to take a dump, you have to take a dump. Who cares about public toilets, it's gotta be done. I still remember some poor bastard ****ting his pants in school after assembly and trying to carry on as if nothing happened, leaving a Mr. Hanky style trail all up the stairs to the classroom......

After a few weeks nobody talked about it anymore, the chronic masturbator at the front of the class took the flak away from him.

Ah.. what a school!

ST*

OP is prob falling round the place laughing at replies

Roundtower2 wrote:

also, these issues are dealt with a lot more nicely in Personal Issues...

The very nature in how its written indicates that there is no true embaressment involved, but written in form worthy of stand-up comedy.

I'm outta here, getting visuals now.

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c172/iegn/ts.jpg
pic steal
http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c172/iegn/dynorodeire7.jpg

Siogfinsceal

seriously what is wrong with you??! Im shocked by that story. Firstly get over your fear of public toilets and when you first feel you need to take a sh!t go straight away and stop trying to hold it in!! im shocked at your boss for being so wierd that he actually sat there, laughed and told everyone not exactly professional.

toffeapple

OK where do i begin..*cracks knuckles* firstly heard that story before not a bad effort but if your gonna tell porky pies ya need to get the little details right.
1. what do you mean you wher3 waiting for abreak in the use of the toilet? how can you tell if someone was in there do you monitor the toilets?

2. how did you know it was your boss coming in? did he say "hey its me jeff your boss..by the way ive been watching you go to the toilet and i know thast you in there BIll(assman..whatever) have a nice sh!t "

3. having shat in my pants before i know its impossible to keep it contained undercrackers especially if its healty log like you said.

good effort but need to brush up on your details...you could off emmited those elements and the story still woulda worked..(but i still would of known you where lying cos its someone else's story)

hepcat

There's a Beautiful South song that might help - summat about the problems involved with keeping it all in.

Setun

<smells "le bull****">

So, anyway... your boss. Nice man?

dédé

I think you should go toilets before going to work.
And don't quit your job. After all, everybody goes toilets, even your boss.

[Jackass]

Girls don't poo! - FACT!

gloobag

Ah yes, "sharting" as it's become known. At least it didn't happen on a night out. As is the norm for me:o

faceman

this is the funniest thread ive ever read!!!