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Things Muckers and Dubs Love

  • 26-01-2006 4:59pm
    #1
    r3nu4l
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,399 ✭✭✭✭


    Please don't take it seriously, this is the humour section :)
    Any more to add?

    Things that Muckers (people who live in the country, spear chuckers, muck-savages etc. ) love:

    1. Muck (obviously)
    2. Green or black Wellington boots (Wellies!)
    3. GAA jerseys
    4. Wearing GAA jerseys and Wellies together!!
    5. Not wearin’ deodorant (that’s for poofs and west brits!)
    6. Thatched cottages
    7. Tractors
    8. Scroungin' EU grants when it rains
    9. Scroungin' EU grants when it’s sunny
    10. Scroungin' mega-EU grants when it snows
    11. Scroungin' EU grants for growing crops
    12. Scroungin' EU grants for NOT growing crops (this is similar to many Dubs who get money for NOT working [i.e. dole]).
    13. Not paying taxes…ever!
    14. Allowing farm animals to wonder freely through their candle-lit, smoky, flea-ridden straw-mattress, windowless, dirty hovels that they call homes!
    15. Sheep (or affectionate lovers as they are known in the country)
    16. Fat women with muscular arms (good for pulling a calf from the back end of a cow!!)
    17. Supermacs (Tasty and tempting).
    18. Complaining that Dubs get everything (despite evidence provided in 8-13 above).
    19. Shopping at the local Centra (ten miles away!) where they can spread malicious gossip about their neighbours (five miles away!).
    20. Being ignorant of everything. "Edukashun is a very bad ting, puttin tawts in folks minds. The old ways are the best ways"
    21. Racism. This includes "dem foreign folk from the village over yonder hill" (Country folk have small minds, so anyone from outside the village is a foreigner and therefore fair game for racist remarks!).
    22. Books, because they can be used to fill mattresses, as toilet paper, for starting the turf fire…but not for reading!

    Things Dubs love:

    South side –

    1. Dinner at Rollies or Troc
    2. Rugger matches at Belvedere
    3. Wearing rugger shirts with the collar up
    4. Porties with friends
    5. Having their picture appear in the Sunday Indo Living Section
    6. Announcing their engagements in The Irish Times
    7. Weekend Yachting
    8. Attending Trinners
    9. Trendy bars with ridiculously over-priced drink
    10. Gap clothing
    11. Being ignorant of anything north of the Liffey
    12. U2 (until they find out Bono is a Northsider!)
    13. Brown Thomas

    North side –
    1. Fightin’
    2. Stealin’
    3. Mugging Southsiders who stray north of the Liffey (1 and 2 combined!)
    4. Michael Guineys
    5. Soverign rings and thick gold chains/ obscenely large ear-rings for the girls
    6. Wearing round-necked jumpers over shirts (with collars out) and a lovely pair of tracksuit bottoms and the latest Nike’s
    7. Dole
    8. XTC, crack cocaine, heroin
    9. Joyridin’
    10. Crazy-frog style ring-tones
    11. Trashy celeb mags, The Sun


    Anything else?


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