head wrecked with flatmate...

tomboy_100

a girl moved into my apt a few months ago. she's from another country. she has a boyfriend. when I found out initially that she had a boyrfiend (about 3 weeks after she moved in), i immediately tried to erase any immoral thoughts about her... etc etc... in other words - she's a fine thing and I'm very into her, but when she told me that she had a fella that meant she is a no-go area. at least to me it's like this. i'd kill a bloke who tries anything with my g/f if had one.

boyfriend's plan is to arrive next week, and then she'll move out. this is probably a good thing, because at this stage I'm actually in love with her. i'd never tell her so long as the other bloke is on the scene. we get on like a house on fire... we are like an elderly married couple - get on great but no sex :rolleyes:
secretely, i need her to move out to her new place because i'm losing a lot of sleep over her... at least once she has moved, i can move on after some time (could be hours, days,weeks, months... i don't know).

turns out now, that her b/f mightn't come after all because he wants to stay on with his contract at home in their native land for another few months... so now, she's pi$$ed off him, i'm pi$$ed off with him for treating her like muck, I'll be really pi$$ed off with her if she stays on in the current flatshare and at the same time holds on to her b/f. I just don't know... love can be monumentally head wrecking! i lived a fairly happy go lucky life before this! and it's totally against my rules to step between two people.

should i at least tell her how inconvenient will be if she stays on going out with that fella, she stays in the apartment, and at the same time, i'm in love with her? is that sick? i'll get over this my people....!!!! it's just a matter of when. thanks.

btw we're both in our twenties... me the older side of 25, she's on the younger side... so nice age gap but she's going out with the fella for a good few years.

peckerhead

tomboy_100 wrote:

i'd kill a bloke who tries anything with my g/f if had one.

Presumably he feels the same, so why not just kill him in pre-emptive self-defence? Sounds like she'd look hot in black!

tomboy_100

good plan... and actually she's a total knockout wearing black!

Racheal Green

Kind of had the same thing happen to me, but Im the female in the story and im Irish.There was always something between me and the guy, like the old married couple. The best thing is to stay friends with her, and if you are so close as you say you are, it will happen.The only bad thing in my story was that we were just getting close and had cross the Friends border (we slept together). But it just happened to be a two weeks before I was leaving, so if you have feelings for her, make sure you tell her before it too late, maybe ease into it casually, by complimenting her,so that if she doesnt feel that way,you can just laugh it off and pretend that you meant it in a friends sort of way..and the age gap is the same Im twenty and he's twenty six in a few days.

dlofnep

Oh.. this is a tough one. What I'd do is wait out the next 2 or 3 weeks. She's going to be asking herself if the long distance relationship is worth the stress. When she ends it, be there for her.

Rockee

Do keep us up to date on developments!

tomboy_100

i will keep ye posted!

i reckon i'll take dlofnep's advice...

but let's see what the latest is when i get home from work this evening... yer man might have changed his mind again. i just don't know... why do the nicest most decent girls end up with the biggest plonkers?!

Racheal Green

Yeah take his advice, better then mine:), dont worry about it. It'll work out.
Did you not hear it's kind of a thing we do, go for ass**les when the perfect guy is staring us blatenly in the face..Went out for a guy for 5 months untill i realised what a complete ass he was and the one who made me realise it was my guy best friend.hope it works out for you.. you seem like a really neat guy..

ando

Racheal Green wrote:

Went out for a guy for 5 months untill i realised what a complete ass he was and the one who made me realise it was my guy best friend.

hmm, are they still best friends

Racheal Green

Yeah I think so..i know that they go out together, but that could just be because they have the same friends. Glad that he told me. Would you have told me and risk fighting with your best friend/flatmate over it..?
It took guts and i'll always respect him for saying it to me, just sorry that we dont keep in touch.

dlofnep

Best of luck with it buddy. Let us know how it goes.

BigArnie

Whatever you do, don't rush into things. Ask her to marry you first but wait a few days before talking about babies. No, just kidding. I've got no advice for you except to bide your time and with any luck she'll get more and more pi$$ed off with her bf and eventually dump him. You'll have to wait even LONGER after that to ensure she's not on the rebound and then pounce. Good luck to you brave soldier.

Rockee

[QUOTE i just don't know... why do the nicest most decent girls end up with the biggest plonkers?![/QUOTE] You can sing it bro. You're dead right.

elvis2002

where's she from. It could have alot of brearing on whether you have any chances to ride her. You probably could get her a little drunk, take advantage etc. I'd say she be into it but she'll still go with the bf when he comes.

tomboy_100

elvis - she's polish.... along with another 40000 classy polish girls here... :eek: isn't it scary? there's a good chance our grandchildren will probably be half polish.

the nationality would have a bit of an impact alright... she's not a nun, but she's certainly not a player. her mum keeps asking on the phone if she's still going to mass... but she stopped after the 2nd week here I thnik. the drunk thing won't work with her.... probably because i've seen her take a drink twice since she moved here - and she didn't finish the drink on either occasion.

i reckon big arnie has given me the most practical advice... don't rush. marry first, than have the babies. you know what... i would and all.

anyway back to the story - so i got home from work last night and we had our usual cup of tea wityh the TV switched off and i got an update regarding the bloke. so now he has decided to come, but if he can't get a job here in his profession in the 1st 6 weeks he's going back as he has been given a few weeks to think about his job offer. anyway the other thing is how she just takes it all in her stride... she simply told him "i'm not going back... i'm happy here". yet she'd stay "going out" with him if he went back home... at least that's the vibe. she's really independent.. she can survive on her own, and she told me straight up that her life is so much better here. yet the fella doesn't see the light... i wanted to ask her straight up "what on earth are you doing with this fella?"... but couldn't bring myself to say it. i'll give it time. another thing for what it's worth - she told me she is "terrified" of having to live with him. no offence intended to any female reader... but it's so cute when a girl admits that she's terrified! she doubled in attractiveness when she said that.

and rachael... no... i won't make the "mistake" you made! i don't reckon i'll be trying to cross the friends border just yet.. she's definitely from aa different culture when it comes to shagging before actually admitting that you're going out.. [no offence intended but you know what i'm getting at]. I imagine there'd be a fair lead time. unless i've totally lost the plot and all girls are actually easy?

what a soap opera. watch this space.

simu

tomboy_100 wrote:

should i at least tell her how inconvenient will be if she stays on going out with that fella, she stays in the apartment, and at the same time, i'm in love with her? is that sick? i'll get over this my people....!!!! it's just a matter of when. thanks.
.

Well, you're the one who finds it hard to be around her - shouldn't you be the one to move out? (unless you own the place)

Also, apart from getting on well, you don't know if she's be interested in you romantically at all. I know quite a few guys I get on well with but I'd never dream of going out with them tbh. Not saying it won't happen, but keep some perspective.

tomboy_100

i hear you simu. she mightn't be the slightest bit interested and i'd totally understand. but then she refers to me as "honey" in pretty much every text message... i'm thinkin like "holy sh**, i need to rub my eyes and read this again"... but then you could be right.

i own the place... hence her decision to leave. i should have mentioned that. otherwise yes, i would be the one moving out. but you'd never think we're landlord and tenant. god knows i feel like i should be paying her for the priviledge of living with her sometimes... not the other way around but i charge her feck all rent anyway.

Victor

One of the Polish lads says Polish girls are lovely for the first month then turn into complete bitches.

Also be aware of the phenomenon of "landlord sweaters" - low cut tops that grils wear when they want to twist their landlord around their finger.

Maybe I am wrong.

tomboy_100

crikey victor! not what i expected to hear about p0lish girls.

the phenomenon of "landlord sweaters" - interesting. i wish she would wear one of those...
i rarely get to see her bare feet let alone anything below the neck.

but yeah. i fully take your point and i'm fully aware of it.

Tar.Aldarion

Well you are lucky as you don't know her that long and if it really makes you that uncomfortable, let ther know about it. If you want to be friends with her, tell her that and decide whether to still live together or not.
It is a really hard decision, believe you me, and either one will not be a good one.

LegacyUser

"One of the Polish lads says Polish girls are lovely for the first month then turn into complete bitches."

I went out with a polish girl and I am sure she could say the same thing about Irish men, so I would not pay any attention to that.

I would tell her or else you will regret it forever

tomboy_100

RegLovesVer- i hear you loud and clear.

just to give you an update anyway - here's the lateast. i'm gutted. in fact i felt physically ill yesterday. the guy arrived over the weekend and stayed over 1 night until they moved out into their new place yesterday. i played the usual cool self, and said "welcome back", shook his hand, and played the polite chap and we all drank tea.

she has now moved out with him (good lord... the thought of itis making me ill again), but, he changed his fecking mind again about the job and is going back home to take up his job offer. that means she basically has already asked me if she can move back in 2 weeks. i don't know what to say to her now. jokingly i replied "i see a fair few places on daft.ie". we both laughed, as she knows i'm only acting the eejit with her, but secretely i can't go on living with her if i'm not going anywhere with her. the thing is too, she is very much alone here. she doesn't know people, and i'm pretty much her only friend. i'd feel like an awful ba$tard if i were to turn her away. i would be an awful ba$tard in fact.

she basically needs to tell me:
"no tom. there is absolutely no chance of ANYTHING happenning ever between us. we are staying friends or else i'll leave.". that would be acceptable.

or better still, she needs to say:
"great. never loved the other guy anyway. lets make babies"

or else she needs to say: "i'm never talking to you again" - that would be easier because i'd probably never see her again meaning it's easier to move on..., forget about her eventually, and tthen go back to eyeballing other females again... finally. because right now, i'm not interested in anyone else, not even remotely. it's been 4 months now!

can anyone point something out to me here... do you reckon I am filled with jealousy or just envy? i envy what the guy has... to say I'm jealous.. fair enough, but who wouldn't be in this situation? surely it's ok to be jealous.. a little bit anyway? i really need to get this off my chest with someone, preferably her - nobody in my life knows about this, except you people.

seeing them together yesterday was like being given an anger-promoting drug. i was gutted. i even went for a drive and then went to mass to see if there was any divine inspiration going for free when i saw people arriving at the church! this is absolutely killing me. love sucks.