Up **** Creek

MarinoMark

]It is now after 4am,been in bed since 12, tossing,turning,etc..I Really need help. Where to start ? I will keep this honest and to the point...ok. here goes
In 1998, after my 5th treatment center, I finally got sober. In that time I met a gorgeous girl,we dated, she had a 5 yr old daughter, an absolute dote (still is !) We decided to get married, dont want to leave my elderly mother she said, So it was decided that I move in, Elderly mother,my wife,5yr old and me!
House was in bits so we got a mortgage of 100k updated the house..bigtime..new kitchen, 2 new bedrooms,downstairs bathroom,conservaty etc. The biggest mistake of my life. From the word go,my mother in law tried to control everything, she even wanted to pick the decor of "our bedroom".We were married at this stage ! But it was always "this is my house" could not put up a picture withouh a fuss...she bought her ornaments in pound shops ! So in 2001 we were delighted when xxxx told me she was pregnant, things went great for 4 months and then xxxx had a miscarraige...it was twin boys..I went to pieces..But never thought of a drink..4 yrs sober at this stage. Picked up the pieces.. june 2002
Pregnant again..both of us nervous...feb 2003. a beautiful baby boy..blonde, blue eyes..cracker. After 2/3 months something was not right, I knew he was not hearing anything..so after tests over 4 months we discovered he was deaf. all this time my mother in law blamed me...She miscarried because you smoke..he is deaf because you smoke etc...I always went outside for a fag.
My History... I drove a truck for an airfreight co, left the house at 7.15am was never home until after 8pm, always came home to an atmosphere, a bad one, never my wife or daughter..just the mother in law..(this is my house etc)
always walking on eggshells. Last year 2005 started to drink again, nibbling at first.then got heavier, cut a long story short,went into treatment centre on my own choice..my brother in law took me down, I rang him, explained the situation..no prob he said..but in the cut and thrust the family have discovered I was in treatment before...They attacked my wife with "how dare you bring an alcoholic into mams house etc. I also turned into work drunk a few days before this and was sacked, ( I had a few warnings).I now find myself unenployed, living with my mother and totally suicidal, dont even have a reference from my previous employer 7 yrs service, Paying a mortgage and bills from my dole. my wife and kids still love me to bits and we spend lots of time together..but where is the light at the end of this tunnel ?We cannot save for a new house as all our money goes on the other house. I am still sober but struggling more every day. I miss them so much and am finding it so so hard to cope. I go to AA, but mostley to kill an hour or 2 and get away from my mother who never tires of saying "Its your own fault" My poor wife has no money I am trying and trying to get a job but how do explain away 7 yrs..no reference.....No Hope...Mark

Jonny Arson

You'll probably get a clearer response in the Personal Issues forum http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=127

MarinoMark

Thanks zane, Have pasted it and copied it there, Thanks for taking the time
mark

sweety4uall

can i just say ,you should be very proud of yourself.youve survived through alot of pain,and still havent given up the fight.distance yourself from the ppl who bring u down.good luck to you your wife and your son.xx

Giblet

Hey gonna close this as I don't want to have this thread here. You'd get more mature responses in the Personal Issues thread.