A Messed up life.

Xandy

Hey,
Im 17 going on 18 in March and im in my leaving cert year in school. The last year or so has seen me change completely in character. In 5th year I was hanging around in a group of friends and I got into the habbit of smoking cannabis everyday. I didnt exactly fit in with them and they used to call me degrading nicknames. I was always a very serious person, in time I was very upset by them. I got very emotionally wound up and one night I had a seizure late at night while I was stoned which resulted in me telling my family I smoked cannabis. After continuous laughing and sneering I stopped hanging around with them. Unfortunately I dont think I feel my life has ever been on track since I started smoking cannabis. Personally I think I may be a bit of a skitzo. I also think I suffer from terrible depression. In school i think ive earned myself the name of a wierdo or retard just because im so messed up. In english class I would be asked to read a comprehension passage out load and id break into a sweat,my voice would quiver and id get stuck on words like "me" and "this"-my past freinds being in the room also . The only thing ive tried to look after is my studies but now im beginning to doubt myself going to college as id be afraid of turning myself into a laugh. Im not overweight(im really thin) and I know im not ugly (id have potential to get a girl) but my actions always make me feel like a mess. Another thing is that I used to get drunk off 5/6 cans, now im locked on 2/3. I become very concious and nervous when im drunk and I cant picture myself being a pub party animal. If anyone has any advice id really appreciate it. And I would go to a psychaiatrist but I have no money!

C_Breeze

man , i dont know what to tell you TBH except hang in there.

I guess , the only helpfull advice i can give ya is . youre not alone, find new friends and forcably try to change your outlook on life.

I know know of somebody who went through similar , and once he got into college and changed his sourroundings and friends everything worked out for the better

m_stan

My advice would be -

Give up the cannabis - it's only clouding the underlying issues and probably making you paranoid and causing mood swings. It's known to do these things and generally to cause mental health problems. That should be your first priority. You will then be better able to cope with the underlying problems you may have.

Talk to your friends and family about you problems if you can. Talking always helps. Even if its just on a website like this.

Seek medical help. Depression is an illness - not something to be ashamed of. It can be helped with medication and sometimes just by sharing your problems by talking. I know you say you cant afford it, but at least start with your GP and tell him/her about your problems saying you cant afford to address the problems. They can help you with this. Don't go to your GP until you are off the smoke at least two months, as they may be tempted to blame all your problems on that and therefore it would be a waste of 40 quid.

Your age is a difficult time of life. You will be fine when you seek help, give up the weed and gain a few years of experience in life.

Stay positive.

Best of luck.

Mezcita

Xandy wrote:

Hey,
Im 17 going on 18 in March and im in my leaving cert year in school. The last year or so has seen me change completely in character. In 5th year I was hanging around in a group of friends and I got into the habbit of smoking cannabis everyday. I didnt exactly fit in with them and they used to call me degrading nicknames. I was always a very serious person, in time I was very upset by them. I got very emotionally wound up and one night I had a seizure late at night while I was stoned which resulted in me telling my family I smoked cannabis. After continuous laughing and sneering I stopped hanging around with them. Unfortunately I dont think I feel my life has ever been on track since I started smoking cannabis. Personally I think I may be a bit of a skitzo. I also think I suffer from terrible depression. In school i think ive earned myself the name of a wierdo or retard just because im so messed up. In english class I would be asked to read a comprehension passage out load and id break into a sweat,my voice would quiver and id get stuck on words like "me" and "this"-my past freinds being in the room also . The only thing ive tried to look after is my studies but now im beginning to doubt myself going to college as id be afraid of turning myself into a laugh. Im not overweight(im really thin) and I know im not ugly (id have potential to get a girl) but my actions always make me feel like a mess. Another thing is that I used to get drunk off 5/6 cans, now im locked on 2/3. I become very concious and nervous when im drunk and I cant picture myself being a pub party animal. If anyone has any advice id really appreciate it. And I would go to a psychaiatrist but I have no money!

Feel for you dude. School was a complete nightmare for me too. The main thing is that you put your head down and get out of the place in one piece. The good thing about going to college is that due to the sheer number of people that there are plenty of people with the same type of interests as you. Where as in school you are surround by the same bunch of people for six years.

Forget about the old buddies of yours who are giving you hassle just because you have stopped smoking gear. Having left school ten years ago I am still pleased to find that the people who gave me hassle back then are still losers doing nothing. So don't let these people drag you down.

You should consider talking to your folks (or anyone close to you) about how you feel. If not give the Samaritans a call. Thats what they are there for.

Believe me life gets a lot better after you get out of school so just put your head down and get through it.

Good luck.

Vangelis

m_stan allready said what is important! Your problems seem to me to be a mixture of many things and to be caused by a mixture of many things. Professional help is the right way to go. Start with your doctor if you have one and take it from there!

Good luck!

Miss Fluff

Hey Xandy,

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

Your LC year is an important one and the beauty of going to college is that you're not forced to hang around with these type of losers anymore! Hurray!:D You'll find like-minded people and the world is your oyster. These guys are not your friends and projecting their own insecurities on to you. There's a whole new world out there for you mate!

Thing with pot is, if you're not in a great head space to start with, it can merely exacerbate anything that's playing on your mind, so I'd lay off it for now, especially if you want to get the head down. You also mention that you're getting sloshed on 2/3 cans now as opposed to 5/6. How often are you drinking? I'm not saying you become an abstentious hermit for the next few months, but I'd go easy until you get your LC over you, I promise it will be worth it. People smoke pot every day and it doesn't seem to affect them, others may have a more anxious disposition and it doesn't do them any favours. Just cut it out for now. Doesn't mean you never smoke again, but use these next few months to study hard and earn your ticket to the great, exciting world of college that's out there.;)

You'll be fine Xandy, just focus on what's out there and concentrate on what lies ahead x

Sleepy

I'll let you in on a secret Xandy, the "cool kids" in school are usually the dull, uninteresting ones in college

Dragan

Believe me dude. You will be fine. Your just a young person going through what all young people go through. Think about it. All you need to do is your exams, then it's off to college where you get to be yourself and meet people who will appreciate you for that.

Contrary to popular believe the social life in college is not all around drink/drugs and sex. There are loads of things to do and people to meet. A dozens of societies to get involved in as well.

Youll be grand bro, have no fear.

AnnaStezia

Xandy,

I endorse all the replies especially the ones about medical advice. You may not need to go as far as seeing a psych.

Two additional thoughts ;

1. Set yourself a list of priorities of what you want to do in life and focus on achieving them. Having definite goals has the advantage of squeezing the time wasting cr*p out of your life.

2. Be absolutely clear that irrespective of how you see things presently you have EVERYTHING TO PLAY FOR IN LIFE.

Best of luck to you.

Xandy

Miss Fluff wrote:

Hey Xandy,
Thing with pot is, if you're not in a great head space to start with, it can merely exacerbate anything that's playing on your mind, so I'd lay off it for now, especially if you want to get the head down. You also mention that you're getting sloshed on 2/3 cans now as opposed to 5/6. How often are you drinking? I'm not saying you become an abstentious hermit for the next few months, but I'd go easy until you get your LC over you, I promise it will be worth it. People smoke pot every day and it doesn't seem to affect them, others may have a more anxious disposition and it doesn't do them any favours. Just cut it out for now. Doesn't mean you never smoke again, but use these next few months to study hard and earn your ticket to the great, exciting world of college that's out there.;)

You'll be fine Xandy, just focus on what's out there and concentrate on what lies ahead x

.

Hey guys thanks for all the advice, I really appreciate it. Although I have no money im goin to scrape up as much as possible and try get an appointment. Just to let yas know I have been off the pot for almost a year. I stopped after I had the seizure and never touched one again last March. I have completely stopped hanging around with those old friends since November after one or two previous failed attempts to get away from them. I hardly drink at all, as I got drunk at New Years-thats all over the holidays, it was something I just noticed and continued to make me feel depressed or different. It just eats off me that I feel different to everyone else. Im always observing other peoples actions and Id feel awkward standing in a line, never mind reading in public - know what I mean? Its the same with that english class, id know my turn to read is coming around, for the first two sentences I would grand but after that I just freak out. My leaving cert has been my no. 1 priority since September and im still aiming for all honours. Although ive definantly put in the time studying as Ive pretty much nothing to do all day, I dont think ive been studying up to my potential standard. My plan is just to make it out of there alive(sane!) and get my lc over and done with. Thanks alot!

Chopper

Hi Xandy,

Some good advice has already been given but you still need practical help to get over some of your confidence issues; like reading/speaking in front of groups.

Personally, I have always hated giving presentations or reports to any kind of groups... for a while there it got really bad; like I'd start having a panic attack!
I considered joining one of those groups where you learn to speak in public (toastmasters) but always found an excuse not to !

My point - some practical help
In the end I found great advice and comfort in self-help & life-coaching books.. There are lots of them out there and they don't cost that much. In fact I'm sure your local library will have a few

There are may authors who discuss all matter of subjects. Get down to Easons and pick up anything by Anthony Robbins; I recommend "Awaken the Giant Within"

I have some stuff I could email you if you want to pm me your details.

Victor

Pick a quiet minute and talk to someone you trust and explain how you feel.

Talk to your parents ask them to set up an appointment with your GP, you can get a referral to a psychiatrist and it won't cost you anything. That doesn't necessarily mean you need someone, but have a chat with the doctor first.

In english class I would be asked to read a comprehension passage out load and id break into a sweat,my voice would quiver and id get stuck on words like "me" and "this"-my past freinds being in the room also .

Everyone gets performance anxiety / stage fright.

Crucifix

Xandy wrote:

I cant picture myself being a pub party animal.

You don't have to be.

[Jackass]

Man, that sucks...all I can say is this is a passing phase. Once you get out of school, you'll be free from that atmosphere and be able to express yourself more freely without the fear of one or two co<kmunchers taking the pi$s out of you.

I know it's easy to say "who cares what they think, say or do" but when people try to make you feel like sh|t it can get you down and it can work!! I've never been bullied, but have experienced one or two muppets in my time who had a real go at me, so I can imagine how difficult it must be for you...especially in class with them durin the day...

Imo, your main problem is your confidence...you're so self concious and sayong crap about yourself TO YOURSELF! Looking through youur post briefly again, I can see you say things like weirdo, skitzo, messed up...you know if you think that sh|t, you're not even giving yourself a chance man!

About the spliff & booze and stuff..personally, when i've smoked hash it didnt agree with me at all..im quite loud, chatty, outgoing...but when i smoke i get real withdrawn, my mind goes 90 and i get really paranoid and sh|t..I'm no skitzo, messed up or whatever, so don't worry about it, it just dosen't agree with everyone, some people just can't handle it...clearly you couldn't..

What was the seizure like anyway? What happend?

As for booze, just drink less to get pissed...it's cheaper...you're lucky

LORDOFDOOM

You're only 17. Relax. It's all in your head. I used to, and sometimes still do get really paranoid and anxious when I smoke, but you just have to forget about it. Whatever happens happens so theres no point in worrying about what COULD happen or whatever.

I'd wager that its your treatment by these 'friends' and not the cannabis that's giving you this anxiety. However, like I've already said, you're only 17, and an aweful lot of people are like this when they're 17. You'll grow out of it - just don't think about it so much!