Taking things to heart

LegacyUser

While this is not really an embarrasing issue I still feel more comforatble posting it anonymously. Ill be short and sweet

Recently I have begun to take advice, before I would simply hear it and thing "yeah that sounds right" but ignore it. So the other day when someone said to me "Wow you look awfully pale." and I got a little insulted, they told me I should learn to not be affected by people's comments so badly. And its true, I shouldn't, and I do very easily take a simple bad comment very critically, and at the same time, I often feel euphoric when someone compliments me.

Such exaggerated feelings for simple small things people say isn't good, as I can often be on a "downer" all day if someone says the wrong thing. Actually I'm probably giving you an exagerated image of me.

For example, if you woke up with a zit on your cheak or something, and someone said something like "Haha whats that your cultavating on your face?" as my mates would :P . I'm sure the vast majority of you wouldn't take it to heart, but I do, and in said situation I'd probably spend the rest of the day hiding that side of my face.

Anyway, so I'm wondering if anyone has any advice, I'm not expecting a cure like take two teaspoons of sugar, click your heals and do a tumble, but there must be some way of changing your thought process on how you feel when someone comments on you.

Again I'll say I'm probably conveying an exagerated idea of my problem, but having said that, I just realised that the real reason I posted this anonymously is because I'd feel bad if people knew who I was posting this on PI, maybe I'm just in denial.

Lastly, I think this isn't a lack of self confidence issue, because I think I've got a good ammount of confidence, it's just unstable, and is very easily crushed or inflated. And just for the record I'm a guy and this allthough all my examples were about 'looks' it isn't just that.

Thanks!

MrsA

I suppose the question is why do you think those people are right? When they say you look well or bad or whatever, who made them judge and jury on you??
Give yourself a break, it just sounds as if you are very sensitive and perhaps a little insecure? It is nothing to be ashamed of.

It is easier however (for most people) to take negative critisim, if someone says something bad we always think they are right, whereas if they say something nice we think they are after something.

Sorry I am not much help to you but just wanted you to know I understand what you are saying.
MPA

AngryBadger

MrsA wrote:

It is easier however (for most people) to take negative critisim, if someone says something bad we always think they are right, whereas if they say something nice we think they are after something.

Excellent point.

Sounds to me like you're being a bit too hard on yourself. Lighten up, if I find myself in a situation like this, and although this is going to make me sound like a total woman, I treat myself. Get something I've wanted for a while, or watch a movie I've been meaning to see, whatever. By doing that you're subconsciously saying, "I deserve to be good to myself", and you'll find with time, you'll be able to take the negative critisism, (however small), and extract the positive, while throwing away the negative.

Canis Lupus

I've said before that if you're intelligent enough to recognise the problem you're intelligent enough to try and counteract the effects. Someone says you look pale then think why should that effect your mood? Someone says you got a spot, then why try hide the damn thing.

Mind over matter and all that.

michaelanthony

You need to get a thicker skin.

C_Breeze

Pfff , im exactly tha same as that - nothing to be embarrased about.

you seem to have a good attitude and also seem confident.

look at urself in the mirror , give yourself a wink and say "you da man"

you cant really change how you are affcted by comments.

I guess some people are just like that.

my mates would pass sly remarks like that too -given such a situation, i know they mean it as a laugh - but it still hits me . - but what can ya do , i just learn to accept it.

Beruthiel

you should never take anything anyone says to heart, but rather come back with humorous quip

hepcat

Just wondering, OP, are you a perfectionist or do you prefer not to see your flaws, and is that why you take criticism to heart? It takes a while for those old adages to actually sink in - nobody's perfect, beauty is only skin deep etc. We need to accept ourselves as who we are, warts and all - as soon as you're happy with yourself peoples little gibes will not bother you.

Madge

TakingItToHeart wrote:

For example, if you woke up with a zit on your cheak or something, and someone said something like "Haha whats that your cultavating on your face?" as my mates would :P . I'm sure the vast majority of you wouldn't take it to heart, but I do, and in said situation I'd probably spend the rest of the day hiding that side of my face.

If your "mates" say things like that to you, then they ain't mates! Even if they comment on things in a jokey way, it's still not nice. Perhaps the people you're hanging around with are affecting your confidence.

The Song Thrush

Madge wrote:

If your "mates" say things like that to you, then they ain't mates! Even if they comment on things in a jokey way, it's still not nice. Perhaps the people you're hanging around with are affecting your confidence.

I disagree... mates usually take the píss out of each other like that, but they know that it's just meant as harmless fun and not otherwise.

If it's upsetting her, then she should talk to her mates about it and they'll surely understand.