Over Emotional

LegacyUser

I don’t know were to put this but here goes. I’m a 22 year old male, I used to suffer from quite serious depression a few years ago were I was seeing a councillor and on tablets , however I have improved a lot in the last year but I still feel emotionally messed up. I live on my own and don’t have too many friends as I’ve lived abroad for most of my life. Basically I’m constantly In a state of I don’t know what to do with myself and always feel like there’s something missing from my life, I sometimes feel like about to burst into tears but can never get it out it just stays in there and is building up and eating me up but I cant trigger any specific problem in my life.

Also this is effecting any potential relationships, and I feel the only thing that would calm this is a stable relationship. whenever I meet a girl I always try to look after her and be nice to her and show her affection. I do try to hold myself back from being too forward and give them space but girls seem to sense that im looking for a relationship and it ends up scaring them away. Ive recently been with a girl that I really thought I had something with, she was kind, caring, and confident. I thought things were going really well and I was the happiest I have ever been, she showed a lot of interest too and then out of the blue says she does not feel we have much in common and we shouldn’t see eachother. I reckon it was an excuse and that I scared her away, by talking about what we will do in the future. I was in an absolute state after this as I had pinned my hopes on her and still am. I wish I could be like most people and just shrug it off.

This is not a temporary problem as Ive been like this for a year sometimes its not as bad, but its always there. Its not just related to girls its everything, just my emotions are elevated. If im happy then im really happy, if im sad then im near suicidal, I don’t do drugs but I do drink occasionally when I go out to get tipsy maybe it’s the alcohol that’s doing it but it I feel the same for the rest of the week if I don’t drink. I really don’t know what to do with myself should I see a doctor? I don’t think they could do anything, the thing is I don’t feel depressed about anything specific just emotionally messed up, all I know is that It feels horrible being like this all the time.

Rantorama

First off don't over analyze the potential relationship thing -we can all be a bit temperamental at times-probably nothing you have said more likely something going on in her own head/life.

Be confident in yourself (you come across as a sound,articulate bloke).Find out what makes you happy,gives you enjoyment and try not too pin too much of your happiness on other peoples judgement of you.

Making new friends which leads to new things might take the edge off focusing of the relationship thing?

As for being over-emotional well you are aware that you have a tendency to this and that sometimes its not as bad which are both positive things in themselfs.Going to the doctor It might be an idea,I'm not sure but there may be some kind of behavior therapy they could recommend...Just try to find the right balance for you,girlfriend or not.:)


Best of Luck

R

tbh

Rantorama wrote:

(you come across as a sound,articulate bloke).

agreed, for what it's worth

Chrissy

Emotionalfella wrote:

Basically I’m constantly In a state of I don’t know what to do with myself and always feel like there’s something missing from my life, I sometimes feel like about to burst into tears but can never get it out it just stays in there and is building up and eating me up .

should I see a doctor?

Yes, you should see a doctor.

Regardless of your relationship issues, it does seem to me that you're still suffering from depression & you should at least be talking to a counsellor.

Does the above quote from yourself not sound like depression to you?

As for the girlfriend issue, I don't know what to say to you abou that as I don't know you or how you act with your girlfriends.

If you're relationships are not lasting that long but already you're talking about the 2 of you 20years down the line, I can see why this would panick girls & have them running. People get afraid of too much too soon.

missindependent

You should sort ur life out before entering a relationship. Dont build too much hope expecting a girl will make u feel happy. concetrate more on your life instead, try to improve depression your in,, like doing things u know will make u feel better, hobbies, go to places you like, get some new friends etc.. u will attract a female when your living your life to the full, not whineing sorry.;) I have been through depression myself tho so i understand ur feeling emotionally messed up and all. i hope you'll feel better soon ::hugs::

St_Crispin

missindependent wrote:

You should sort ur life out before entering a relationship. Dont build too much hope expecting a girl will make u feel happy. concetrate more on your life instead, try to improve depression your in,, like doing things u know will make u feel better, hobbies, go to places you like, get some new friends etc.. u will attract a female when your living your life to the full, not whineing sorry.;)

I agree, except the whining bit - I don't think it's whining.

Ok dude, first reaction was to this (and I think it's the most relevant):

Basically I’m constantly In a state of I don’t know what to do with myself and always feel like there’s something missing from my life, I sometimes feel like about to burst into tears but can never get it out it just stays in there and is building up and eating me up ... ...and I feel the only thing that would calm this is a stable relationship.

Bad. Very bad. Relationships are not the solution to all of life's problems. You need to go see a doctor, get yourself sorted out, THEN worry about a relationship. Seriously.

Nalz

missindependent wrote:

u will attract a female when your living your life to the full, not whineing sorry.;)

unfortunately thats true... but in the mean time do your best to stay active. pick up a hobbie, join a club. Do one thing tomorrow ->

get out of bed, and wherever your goin work/college, say to yourself im gonna be happy. Order your favourite food at lunch, give everyone the time of day and try to be nice. Be the man you want to be and stop constantly analyzing how bad things are (because its not that bad really is it?). Life is too short to be worrying about things that can be fixed easilt enough with a small bit of effort. Your in control of own mind, life is wat you make it... all cliches but they were said for one reason only - so others would hear/read them

AngryBadger

missindependent wrote:

u will attract a female when your living your life to the full, not whineing sorry.;)

Don't really think that's very helpful, as a part of the guys problem seems to be getting whatever's wrong with him out in the open, so I think we should be encouraging that and not knocking him for "whining"

Two things strike me here. First off, you say you've lived abroad for a lot of your life, I'm kind of making a leap here, but is it possible there's a "roots" issue here? Is there somewhere, or some people that you cal home, and is that a stable place in your head? or are you trying to find that kind of stability in other people? It's just that you mention the living abroad, and then you mention how muc you'd like a relationship, which makes me think you'd like to have someone to give you that kind of security, which is fine, and makes sense, but isn't really going to make your problem go away.

Second. You're a guy. And traditionally, where do guys go with our emotional difficulties. Most guys can't talk to their mates about it, a lot of guys aren't close to their family, and you don't really want to talk to any girls, because you may want to go out with them, and you're afraid they'll think you're a princess. So I'd suggest, if there's someone close to you, idealy a family member, or a really, really good friend as a close second, talk to them about this. It needs to be someone you can cry in front of, because you need to get this out. If there isn't someone like that, do go and speak to a professional. I'm constantly surprised at how many people I know who do talk to counsellors these days, i think it's great, and tey always tell me it really helps them.

Loomis

Emotionalfella wrote:

I don’t know were to put this but here goes. I’m a 22 year old male, I used to suffer from quite serious depression a few years ago were I was seeing a councillor and on tablets , however I have improved a lot in the last year but I still feel emotionally messed up. I live on my own and don’t have too many friends as I’ve lived abroad for most of my life. Basically I’m constantly In a state of I don’t know what to do with myself and always feel like there’s something missing from my life, I sometimes feel like about to burst into tears but can never get it out it just stays in there and is building up and eating me up but I cant trigger any specific problem in my life.

Also this is effecting any potential relationships, and I feel the only thing that would calm this is a stable relationship. whenever I meet a girl I always try to look after her and be nice to her and show her affection. I do try to hold myself back from being too forward and give them space but girls seem to sense that im looking for a relationship and it ends up scaring them away. Ive recently been with a girl that I really thought I had something with, she was kind, caring, and confident. I thought things were going really well and I was the happiest I have ever been, she showed a lot of interest too and then out of the blue says she does not feel we have much in common and we shouldn’t see eachother. I reckon it was an excuse and that I scared her away, by talking about what we will do in the future. I was in an absolute state after this as I had pinned my hopes on her and still am. I wish I could be like most people and just shrug it off.

This is not a temporary problem as Ive been like this for a year sometimes its not as bad, but its always there. Its not just related to girls its everything, just my emotions are elevated. If im happy then im really happy, if im sad then im near suicidal, I don’t do drugs but I do drink occasionally when I go out to get tipsy maybe it’s the alcohol that’s doing it but it I feel the same for the rest of the week if I don’t drink. I really don’t know what to do with myself should I see a doctor? I don’t think they could do anything, the thing is I don’t feel depressed about anything specific just emotionally messed up, all I know is that It feels horrible being like this all the time.

Hmmm this all sounds very familiar.
I've felt like that for years.The only difference would be I never went to a doctor over depression/medication.

I find it quite hard to talk about how I feel but know that I need to.The only time I will do is when it gets too much and my parents literally drag it out of me.I always feel much better once I've verbalised some things and it really does feel as though some burden has lifted.Many different things got to me.They built up over the years;new things coming along the older I got as si the way with life.So like you I couldn't specifically pin it on a particular issue.Though a relationship/girlfriend situation would have been prominent.

Anyway this time last year I was fairly down.I've never spoken to a doctor or been assessed so I can't really say for sure but I'd say I had mild depression.Or was verging on it anyway.My parents said to me that they felt I was depressed and my mother described to our GP how I'd been who said he'd like to talk to me as he felt so too.I never did but eventually spoke to my parents after a few months of feeling fairly crap (roughly November to March 2004-2005).Many of the things they said to me made perfect sense.My dad used a nice analogy he was told when he went to counselling...everything in your life which causes stress can be represented as a slab you have to carry on your back.The more things that stress you out the more slabs you must carry and the heavier it becomes.Obviously it's therefore inevitable that you will eventually collapse if you don't deal with at least some of these slabs if more and more are being added.If you deal with some they get removed and then it's managable.I immediately identified with this because I literally felt I came to a breaking point.

But like I said talking to people really helps.It does for me anyway.Even if it is just to your parents.I ended up speaking to them about things I never thought I'd be able too.I'd also like to give credit to my friends.A few of them noticed and frequently asked if I was ok,if I'd like to talk?Going to college was very hard;getting up in the mornings,commuting long distances et cetera.But once around my friends I tried integrating as much as possible.And this really does take your mind off things.
A few months passed and to my unexpected surprise I met someone really nice who I got on very well with.It's funny how things pan out like that;when you're not focusing on it it comes around when you least expect it.

All in all I'm feeling a great deal better now than I did this time last year.Obviously a large part of that is down to having someone special in my life but I strongly feel that that wouldn't have materialzed if I hadn't sorted a few things out in my head first!
I hope I've made sense and it helps you in some way.Good luck

missindependent

AngryBadger wrote:

Don't really think that's very helpful, as a part of the guys problem seems to be getting whatever's wrong with him out in the open, so I think we should be encouraging that and not knocking him for "whining"

I didnt mean to discourage him from opening up, sorry if it comes off that way. I agree that talking abt problems will help. but if its relationship he craves for he needs to sort problems out first. I agre with mr anderson she will come when you expect it at least.:)