destined to be alone?

LegacyUser

i'm an 18 year old girl, quite insecure about my looks and i've never had a boyfriend. i've been with guys but it never seems to last longer than a night. haven't been with anyone for a few months though. this was sh*t enough as it was but then i went out recently with a couple of really good looking friends who proceeded to get chatted up. i wasn't drinking this particular night either so was more aware of myself, how i looked etc. i didn't know what to do, i felt like a fifth wheel!! when the pub was closing, they wanted to go on somewhere else, i was supposed to be staying in my friend's house but i just went home instead. my friends didn't seem to notice anything about this, and i didn't want to draw attention to it because it's like saying, 'i'm the ugly one who didn't get chatted up.' it was really upsetting and i left with an even lower opinion of myself than i had before. now i keep thinking, is this going to happen every time i go out with them? also debs tickets are going on sale soon and everyone's buying two. some of my friends don't know who they're bringing but it's going to be easy for them to find someone. what if i can't find anyone to go with me?
i don't really have anyone to talk to about this (too embarrassed, i guess), so hoping for some advice? thanks

Nalz

First of all no need to be so hard on yourself. your only 18, and I know it can seem like the end of the world in more ways than one but it isnt at all.

Regarding talking to someone would it be wise to suggest you talking to one of those friends of yours you went out with? Seriously, sit them down, tell them your serious n your feelin down bout certain things. You only know who you can talk to the best and if its a good idea. Just a suggestion, consider it. If they're your friends they will listen to you. You wouldnt be lookin for sympathy, youd be askin a mate to be a mate. Might help.

the Guru

I think everyone goes through this at some stage in there life "No one loves me " " Im never going to get a partner".

But you can maybe ask some you know , you dont have to fancy them maybe a brothers or sisters friend , school friend , or a boy from your social group, I went to a debs about 8 years ago with a girl from my mothers work she was in a similar situation , I had fun so did she and I seen her shortly after that in Lucan and she was happy with a new boyfriend.

Jonny Arson

Don't be harsh on yourself. You're very young and you have plenty of time for finding the right blokes. The amount of blokes (including myself) who are dying to find the right girl is immense so don't worry about never finding anyone.As far as I'm concerned your friends didn't have any intent to hurt you. They got lucky on that night, you didn't. So what? That happens. There's plenty more fish in the sea I can assure you. You are very down on your appearance. Don't be. Girls who have confidence in their appearance will more than likely attract the blokes and vice versa. Enjoy yourself and take the weight off your own shoulders (I know that's easier said than done) Maybe make a pact with your mates that you stick with plans you made for going home and ask them to maybe help you along in the clubs by involving you more with the lads. As with Debs tickets ask anyone who you like, maybe ask your mates do they know anyone you could go with. Dialogue is important, Talk to your mates more and become more a unit when you go out.

Good luck

Fast_Mover

Im sure there are many girls in your situation..i sud know,im one of them. Im 18 aswell and never had a boyfriend..sure iv met lads and stuff but things never went anywhere. it used to get me down..but now im lik, im only 18, im sure there is someone out there for me, just havnt found/met him yet..i have years left..there people in there 30's/40's getting married for first time as we speak...or should i say write..

Trilla had good advise there...when ur talking to them just bring it up how ur feeling..im sure they will understand..my friends do..hey we even laugh/joke about it!

ur debs arnt till few months time..u never know u myt meet a nice guy before then...think positively..go on buy2!

dont get down about your looks..im sure there is some guy out there that will find u very attractive..everybody has different tastes hense how u myt find one guy cute your friend mytnt!

best of luck with everything..dont get down about it..live life!

Lady_Macbeth

don't worry, really. you're young. i was in the exact same situation as you when i was your age, I thought all my friends were much better looking than i was and I would hang about in the background making no effort while they were being chat up. I'd just depress myself even more and sympathise with myself and feel extremely sorry for myself instead of trying to make an effort to chat to my friends or even smile to any one potential.

I'm presuming since you're 18 and you mentioned debs that you're in your leaving cert year, or 5th year maybe. well, that scenario doesn't present that many opportunities for meeting people either. so, unless you're into drinking and scoring randomers on a night out, you won't have had much of a chance to meet potential partners that you're actually interested in. if you're planning on going to college, that will open up an amazing amount of places for you to meet guys - clubs, societies, gigs, huge classes, plus nights out etc etc etc, there are countless opportunities. if you're going into the workplace, that also presents a lot of chances. honestly, the schoolyard is not the ideal place to be looking for love. be patient, concentrate on your studies for now - you'll be glad you did in the end.

as for your debs! wow! i went to an all-girls school, so i knew plenty of people who actually didn't know any guys to bring. i myself brought my best friend's boyfriend's best friend!! I had only met him 2/3 times, but I didn't exactly have men lining up for interviews. Another girl brought a male friend of mine who she had never met and literally, i mentioned it to him, he was really eager to go, she texted him, he came around to her place, they met up for coffee about twice and they went to the debs together. nothing romantic occurred between them, nor between myself and my date, but we all absolutely had a fantastic night. brilliant. the point is, buy two tickets, you can take anyone you want. lots of guys are dying to go to a debs; if you don't know one, your friends will.

keep your chin up, girl, you've got youth on your side

- Lady

py2006

I'm 28, haven't had a "relationship" in 5 years. Been with the odd girl here and there but nothing with feeling.

I am destined to be alone as I am an ugly fecker!

Your only 18. And as sexist as this sounds, you will never be alone unless you want to be. Its far easier for girls to get guys than vice versa.

Just have a smile on your face, mantain a friendly, outgoing personality and body language and your grand!

BoozyBabe

I agree with everyone else:- don't be so hard on yourself, you're only young, plenty of time to bag yourself a nice man & I'm certain you will.

Also, yes, buy 2 tickets. I had no one to ask to my debs either, didn't really know / like anyone enough to ask them. One of my best friends (male) best friend went to a different school & my best friend wass more thinking of himself, but he suggested I brought his best friend (so he could have a brill night with his best friend who wouldn't be there otherwise)
So, he had let is friend know that I'd be asking him, & I did, & the friend said yes. That was my 1st time seeing him.
Went to the debs, we all had a brill night, myself & the guy got on great.
We all went out a few nights later & I got with the guy I took to the debs.
We went out for 4years.

So, you never know what's around the corner, buy TWO tickets!!!

Best Of Luck

dundalk cailin

Aw boozy babe thats a nice story

OP i was the same as you round the time of my debs, i took a friend of my friend's BF. he went off with someone else but it didnt bother me once i had the pics taken, i had a laugh with my friends. i started college and the next year i went to a debs with a guy from work, i was a much more outgoing, confident, chattier person in the space of one short year, thanks to starting college. point being, dont worry too much at this stage, give it time, my problem was i was only 17 Leaving year, so i didnt go out an awful lot as i got stopped, but college was teh turning point for me

Good luck girl

Loomis

Far easier said than done but try not to focus on it.Cause it can consume you.
Like you I had/have very little confidence.I am very insecure about how I look.
I rarely went out so the opportunity to meet people was limited.This resulted in more and more pressure building up cause I hadn't even kissed anyone.So I stressed about that assuming some miracle would happen where I'd even be in the situation to worry about it.So all up through school I did think about stuff like the debs.I hadn't a clue who I could take as there was no way I'd have the confidence to ask a random girl out.So I ended up taking a friend of my older sister who I was comfortable with.We got on well so it was like just going out with friends for the night.Could you do this?A friends brother maybe?
I don't think I'm ugly.But cause I hadn't even kissed someone and girls didn't ask me out I just assumed there must be something wrong with me.A few girls told me I was good looking and a friends sister actually told me she was in love with me when I was in 6th year (man was that a heavy thing to hear) but I still had no confidence in the way I looked and could never see myself approaching anyone and never expected someone to approach me.So it's a bad cycle that just builds pressure and lowers your self-esteem.Each year passed and I thought "Jesus I'm gonna be 16 soon and I've never been kissed".Then it was 18,then 20,then 21.It was horrible.Sounds very trivial and pathetic to people reading who've been wearing the face off people since they were 11/12 (which I think is plain wrong) but it really isn't a nice situation to be in.But I met a lovely girl who knew all this about me and couldn't have been nicer aobut it all.Made me so relaxed that I could barely worry about "hmm what exactly do I do?" regarding kissing technique et cetera.I eventually got there anyway is what I'm saying.While it wasn't pleasant and it breeds low confidence maybe it was just how it was meant to be for me?I honestly think I appreciate haivng someone more than some people who find it a lot easier with the oppoosite sex.And the main thing is that it will happen and you'll be happy.
p.s. sorry for the long reply