Am i Weird??

LegacyUser

Hi there,Just going unreg for this people.

Just bought a place with my gf about 6 months ago (going out about 5 years at this stage) and moved in together.

Our sex life together has slowed down alot since we moved in together and I'm more and more begininng to get annoyed with stuff that she does wrong.(I mean little stuff that just gets on my nerves). She says she is tired yet she still has the energy to go see her friends and go out at the weekends.

Just to let you know, I'm a person that absolutely hates incompetence and I'm very impatient.

Now she was sick for about 2 months of the 6 months we've been together and I waited on her hand and foot, not that I had a problem with it because I love the girl alot.

Anytime she wants to feel needed, I do anything she wants - yet if the tables are turned then I just feel neglected.

I'm on the verge of moving home as I feel it would be for the best.

I could do with some advice on this please people.

Thanks alot in advance.
UnReg.

WhiteWashMan

it sounds to me like you are tired, stressed, frustrated and emotional.
youve just spent a load fo money you dont have on a home to live in with your partner, no doubt you have a lot on your mind, and when it seems that you want something, she is neglecting you.

in reality, she is probably getting used to owning a home, setting up a life with someone, has her own stresses, and may just be cuaght up in life so much that she is busy dealing with you.
and as such is not meeting your expectations at the times when you need them to be met.

to be honest, you do sound a little emotional, and making threats of moving home are a little bit childish. i mean, what is it you expect if you move home? some hot soup and some soothing words from your mother?

i expect that both of you have simply been trying to deal and cope with everything in your life over the last year, between looking for houses mortgages, deposits, living together, making commitments, coming to terms that this is for life and not just some girlfriend/boyfriend giggle thing.
the fact that you are inpatient doesnt help. i know that feeling im like that as well, but at the moment, you are only reading your side of the story.

there may be times when she feels as if you are not satisfying her needs as well. and everyone likes to be waited on hand and foot every now and then.

and because of all this stress etc, she doesnt feel horny. its natural. she is not rejecting you, she just does not want to have sex. unlike you and me, who are happy to drop our pants at the drop of a hat, women are different. if there is stress and unhappiness in their lives, they generally become less sexual persons. men are the opposite. more stress, more sex! but of course, you probably know all this.

id suggest sitting down together. im sure you both know that life isnt perfect. in fact, its hard work. she may be feeling awful at the moment, thinking that youre life isnt perfect and that she is somehow to blame for it. so sit down, have a chat. figure out all the things that are annoying you. dont assign blame. its not about her going out to meet her friends, becuase im sure that doesnt annoy you. its the lack of sex. you just see the two things as contradictory, and it annoys you. learn to view all these things as seperate.
so think of all the things that annoy you. think of what you can do to make it better. discuss it with your partner. get her imput. ask her what she feels is wrong, and what she would like to be better, and how she feels things can be improved.
unfortunately, women cant read minds, so she probably doesnt know that you are annoyed over certain things.

and last of all, you sound tired. no, im not joking. you sound as if you need to take a break. have a weekend beak with your parter. recharge your batteries. it will make you less impatient and intolerant. it will help you to see what shes going through as well, and it will make you less emotional, and stop you making rediculous statements about jacking it all in and going home. you big girls blouse!

Victor

WhiteWashMan wrote:

and last of all, you sound tired. no, im not joking. you sound as if you need to take a break. have a weekend beak with your parter.

I'm just wondering OP if you get a break from each other (a guys night out once a week), it might be healthy. Perhaps have a weekend beak from your partner.

WhiteWashMan

well, i think they need to actually spend more time together becuase they dont seem to be communicating, but sure, why not another weekend away from wach other?

hey, two weekends in a row, just to break up life, first apart from each other, and then a second romantic weekend away together?

zippybaby

I feel for you!
I don't live with my boyfriend yet but I've always wondered if we'll kill each other if we do!

I think you need to find a way to remember that you love each other. you have been together 5 years which proves that you do. I think the others are right, you need to go away...but i think a break together would help and then if things are going well while you are away ye could discuss (gently!) why you aren't getting on well at home.

Best of luck!

LundiMardi

is this the first time you guys have lived together?

mad m

Stuff you do is probably getting on your girlfriends nerves too.Is this your first time actually living together in these 5 years you both are together? It takes a while to become accustomed to each others traits.

When I moved into my first house with my girlfriend(now my wife) she used to harp on at me about not changing the toilet roll,or toilet seat down.I do it like a religion now and I have to tell her to change loo roll now..:D :rolleyes:

The pressures of being a first time buyer I'd say is enormous,so give yourself a break but as WWM said sit down and talk to girlfriend about it all.The sex also is like a rollercoaster effect.It cant be amazing and plentiful all the time.

BigArnie

Unreg for this wrote:

Just to let you know, I'm a person that absolutely hates incompetence and I'm very impatient.

To be perfectly honest, it doesn't sound like you should be in a relationship at all. I don't mean to be offensive, but people who say they hate incompetence generally think they're perfect themselves - which is never the case of course. And as for being impatient; well that's a trait that means relationship meltdown at some stage. Building a relationship with someone takes decades and requires a great deal of patience.

LovelyHurling

To be perfectly honest, it doesn't sound like you should be in a relationship at all. I don't mean to be offensive, but people who say they hate incompetence generally think they're perfect themselves - which is never the case of course. And as for being impatient; well that's a trait that means relationship meltdown at some stage.

A good few generalizations there, sure how can he think hes perfect if he can see his own failings and admit them! Sheesh give em a chance wudja!

In answer to the original question you're not weird just frustrated. Im sure we've all been in a similar situation with our gfs at some time

projectmayhem

i have to disagree with BigArnie there. 5 years later and you're together, can't have been horrible to each other to last 5 years.

i'd go with what was said before - take a break away with the lads, even if it means just going out on saturday night and crashing on a mates sofa. just get away, then when you come back, in the first 30 seconds you'll be pretty sure wether you want to continue or take a longer break from each other.

chump

I could be wrong

But doesn't living with any one person drive one mad if all they do is see and spend time with that one person.

I'm guessing here that your problem is that you don't have enough -external- things to do and have on your mind.

Usually I only get annoyed with my gf if I have nothing else to get annoyed about (or think about) and like you I'd have a streak of absolutely hates incompetence and I'm very impatient. in me.

So my advice would be to fukk-off and do something with yourself/pals for a bit and get out of the house more and maybe like a few ppl said take a break(holiday) without her for a while.

and also, if she's lazy and getting stuck in a rut and just being moany, tell her

BigArnie

projectmayhem wrote:

i have to disagree with BigArnie there. 5 years later and you're together, can't have been horrible to each other to last 5 years.

Okay, fair point. I'm not saying that he's a complete relationship trainwreck or anything but maybe he should just chilllllllllllll out. If someone does something incompetent, c'est la vie. If he gets impatient with the missus when she's putting on her 5th layer of makeup or whatever the hell it is women to when they're getting ready, he should have something to occupy his mind. Relax is all I'm saying! Everything will fall into place in a relationship if there's emotional stability on both sides.

As for not getting the affection that he wants from her - it's always assumed that women need more affection than men. It may not always be true but it's kind of set in stone, sadly.

I did a search for 'hugging machine' on Google. Maybe the OP should get one of these, they look great:

WhiteWashMan

BigArnie wrote:

Okay, fair point. I'm not saying that he's a complete relationship trainwreck or anything but maybe he should just chilllllllllllll out. If someone does something incompetent, c'est la vie. If he gets impatient with the missus when she's putting on her 5th layer of makeup or whatever the hell it is women to when they're getting ready, he should have something to occupy his mind. Relax is all I'm saying! Everything will fall into place in a relationship if there's emotional stability on both sides.

id agree with that.
and is also add that she had probably nbot changed that much in the last 5 years. i have no doubt she is still doing the things she did 5 years ago, just right at the moment, hes getting annoyed by them.

again, id say, a little change in perspective and little bit more tolerance, and just a little bit less grumpy stressful tiredness would do wonders!

Esel

Just a thought - maybe someone who 'absolutely hates incompetence and is very impatient' doesn't have any/many mates for a lads' night out/weekend?

OP, on that score, is your partner 'incompetent' at certain things or does she 'try your patience' a lot?

Talk to your partner, along the lines of "When you . . . . I feel . . . . .".

e.g. "When you don't seem to notice me, I feel neglected".

Try to express your feelings in a non-confrontational way.

LegacyUser

Ok so I stop being a little immature and decided to talk and she said she wants me to be more romantic. I said great, I know whats wrong.

So i get home from work today, spend 2 hours cooking this nice romantic meal and we eat it togetherr, go to sit on the couch together and she goes, "I'm just going inside to watch coronation street".

So i sat on the couch, watching whatever and I fall asleep. I just woke up and she was in the bedroom. I asked her whats up and she goes, you fell asleep. I feel like strangling the woman, she can't not watch some retard program after me making her a dinner like that.

If they're is anybody that understands my situation, then there is only one thing I can say - THIS IS WHY ROMANCE IS DEAD!!

Esel

So, you fell asleep watching 'whatever' while your partner went to the other room to watch a 30 minute soap. 'Retard' comment very revealing.

Maybe next time you could force yourself to sit through Corrie with her (on the couch'. It has to be better than 'whatever.' Or you could even fall asleep with your head in your lap while she watches her 'retard' program. Your head would be in a better place than it is now.

Do you hate yourself for being so incompetent in matters of romance?

LegacyUser

esel wrote:

So, you fell asleep watching 'whatever' while your partner went to the other room to watch a 30 minute soap. 'Retard' comment very revealing.

Maybe next time you could force yourself to sit through Corrie with her (on the couch'. It has to be better than 'whatever.' Or you could even fall asleep with your head in your lap while she watches her 'retard' program. Your head would be in a better place than it is now.

Do you hate yourself for being so incompetent in matters of romance?

Well esel, my point is that a program (it doesn't matter about what program it was), couldn't be missed for one night.

I got a thank you and that was it.

Me falling asleep happened after I got ditched for the tv in the other room.

LovelyHurling

That would be very frustrating. esel he probably just didn't feel like following her into the room after she made a mess of the romantic night in. Fair play for making an effort, you probs need to talk about this more with your gf deffo sounds like its not just you who's at fault here.

py2006

Unreg for this wrote:

Anytime she wants to feel needed, I do anything she wants - yet if the tables are turned then I just feel neglected.

UnReg.

Dude, thats the same with most women!

Cake Fiend

One way or another, I'd say you need more communication in your relationship. I doubt she's psychic, and won't be able to magically tell that she pissed you off by watching her show after your efforts. She more than likely didn't even think she was doing anything wrong.

If things are supposed to work out for you in the long run, and things are already this uncomfortable 6 months in, you'll have to actively solve the problems (talk) rather than just vent on the internet.

But no, you're not weird, you're just a bloke. Most of us are sh1te at the whole communication thing.

Esel

Unreg for this wrote:

Well esel, my point is that a program (it doesn't matter about what program it was), couldn't be missed for one night.

I got a thank you and that was it.

Me falling asleep happened after I got ditched for the tv in the other room.

And my point was that she seemed to feel she had to go in to the other TV to watch her soap - probably sick to death of 'retard' comments. Surely you could have suffered through Corrie with her on the couch - read a book or magazine or something if you can't stand it that much. Again, it's only on for 30 minutes. It would have been a good follow-on to your romantic meal.