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"No Faults"

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  • 04-01-2006 9:26pm
    #1
    Nala
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,959 ✭✭✭


    Nostrils flaring
    Loudspeaker blaring
    Beads running down his neck
    Moves his feet
    In a three-time beat
    Leather reins keep him in check

    Eye of the judge
    He feels a nudge
    Urging him to go on
    He strikes the ground
    That thudding sound
    As he looks for the last one

    It looks quite high
    He has three more strides
    That pole is drawing near
    The thrill he feels
    As he kicks his heels
    Up and over, and he's clear!


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    #2
    ctrl-alt-delete
    Registered Users Posts: 13,970 ✭✭✭✭ctrl-alt-delete


    I liked it, simple yet effective. Correct me if im wrong? but i got the picture it was about a racehorse participating in a race. I thought you got that across well, the only fault i can find is that i dont get to find out if it wins :D


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    #3
    manonthemoon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭manonthemoon


    Very good. A showjumping horse. Right


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    #4
    Nala
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,959 ✭✭✭Nala


    ctrl-alt-delete wrote:
    I liked it, simple yet effective. Correct me if im wrong? but i got the picture it was about a racehorse participating in a race. I thought you got that across well, the only fault i can find is that i dont get to find out if it wins :D

    Thanks. Well I added the "pole" bit to convey showjumping, I was gonna have something about "Olympic goals" too but I anted to keep it to 3 verses. I didn't spend very long on it.


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    #5
    ctrl-alt-delete
    Registered Users Posts: 13,970 ✭✭✭✭ctrl-alt-delete


    Nala wrote:
    Thanks. Well I added the "pole" bit to convey showjumping, I was gonna have something about "Olympic goals" too but I anted to keep it to 3 verses. I didn't spend very long on it.

    oh i took pole as in the winning pole - i know its the winning post though, still we dont find out if it wins :p


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    #6
    Nala
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,959 ✭✭✭Nala


    Well sure he got a clear round anyways. :)


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    #7
    gracehopper
    Registered Users Posts: 1,144 ✭✭✭gracehopper


    Nala wrote:
    Nostrils flaring
    Loudspeaker blaring
    Beads running down his neck
    Moves his feet
    In a three-time beat
    Leather reins keep him in check

    Eye of the judge
    He feels a nudge
    Urging him to go on
    He strikes the ground
    That thudding sound
    As he looks for the last one

    It looks quite high
    He has three more strides
    That pole is drawing near
    The thrill he feels
    As he kicks his heels
    Up and over, and he's clear!

    this is good stuff, quirky, descriptive, keep it up


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