girlfriend vs the ex

blocparty

ive been with my current girlfiend for about 15 months now and things are great. we get on well and have a very healthy sexual relationship. we rarely fight and its a very good relationship and it seems to be alot smoother than most couples i know.

now the problem is is that ive been texting my ex fairly intenseively recently and its really getting to me. about 6 months ago there was an incident where we both realised (me and the ex) that we still had really strong feelings for each other.

she is in a long term relationship too of just over 2 years. we get on really well and there is a very strong sexual tension between us. so much so that about a month ago we shared a kiss and i must say that it was really nice. it had a really bad effect cause it only made the sexual tension only worse because it made us want more. we're going in circles with neither one of us wanting to end our current relationship.

its clear that our relationships lack the spark they used to and now that seems to have transfered to the forbidden ex!

i really dont know what to do so any advice would be nice or if anyonne else is in a similar situation or has been in the [ast id like to know their views

Dragan

It's pretty simple.

You think your relationship has grown stale and you want some excitment. So you think your ex can provide that for you. Guess what. People break up for a reason, so getting back together rarely helps.

All in all, the question you need to ask yourself is are you mature enough to stay in your current relationship and stop think with your dick?

If all your after is a shag then you really shouldn't be going out with someone to begin with.

Sorry if that seems harsh, but all your post mentions is sex, so i'm assuming that all other aspects of your current relationship are fine, as you seem to imply at the start.

My advice. Grow up a little bit or break up with your current girlfriend before you cheat on her again. Generally speaking, kissing ex's behind current girlfriends backs in considered bad karma.

Depends really TBH
why did you's break up in the first place ???

jimmycrackcorm

Go on have some sex - you know you want some.

signed
Devil

Miss Fluff

Dragan wrote:

Guess what. People break up for a reason, so getting back together rarely helps.

Exactly. It can't have been all rosey in the garden and perfectly perfect for you to break up in the first place now could it? Try and spice things up with your current girlfriend and stop texting your ex! The grass is always greener and all that....

blocparty

well the reason i broke up with ex was cause we were young and it was the right thing to do. we lived fairly far apart so we rarely go to see each other where as now i see her most days cause we're in college.

i know it sounds like its all bout sex but its not. ive known my ex for way longer than my current gf. i care alot bout both of them. its hard to know which one my feelings are stronger for cause my head is in a mess over the whole situation.

Go with the ex then
if your still thinking about her and still have feeling for her when your with your current girlf
then thats not fair on either of them !
talk to the ex first though

blocparty

half of me is happy with that response but i cant just throw away something that i know works for something that mitent work.

Miss Fluff

blocparty wrote:

half of me is happy with that response but i cant just throw away something that i know works for something that mitent work.

So what's the issue here exactly? You want to have your cake and eat it and get permission here to do so?

g'em

Miss Fluff wrote:

So what's the issue here exactly? You want to have your cake and eat it and get permission here to do so?

couldn't have said it better. make a decision (which you pretty much already have seeings how you've admitted your current relationship works well) and stick to it.

blocparty

all i want is some honest opinions on the subject i cant really talk to that many people bout the whole situation because its a sensitive situation. and anyway any of my friends know both so its not really impartial advice. so you think i should stay with my current gf? thats what i think too cause its hard leaving a relationship that works cause if i did go for the ex and that failed id still have feelings for my gf! if you get that cause its a little complicated. so how do you stop having feelings for someone that you have to see everyday knowing that they have feelings for you?

Dragan

You don't.

The whole point of a relationship is not that you never have feelings for anybody else. It's that you realise that these feelings are fleeting and do not act upon them.

g'em

blocparty wrote:

so you think i should stay with my current gf?

only you can make that decision. only you know the whole situation and how you feel, and in fairness its not really impartial advice here coz we haven't a clue what's going on, only the limited amount you've told us.

blocparty wrote:

so how do you stop having feelings for someone that you have to see everyday knowing that they have feelings for you?

maybe you don't. maybe that's just something you're gonna have to put up with. tbh, I was (or maybe am) in a similar situation to you- my ex and I discovered there were still feelings there, but he has a gf and he's happy. he didn't want to take the risk of ruining something he has now with soemthing that didn't work out first time round. Who knows what the future will bring, for us, but if the feelings are there after 3 years, they'll still be there in the future.

You know yourself what the right thing to do is, but be fair to both girls involved, make a decision and don't string either one along.

blocparty

Dragan wrote:

You don't.

The whole point of a relationship is not that you never have feelings for anybody else. It's that you realise that these feelings are fleeting and do not act upon them.

so your saying that i have fake feelings for one of them? you cant understand the situation obviously. it is possible to have feelings for two people its the way of life. humans arent meant to be monogamous.

blocparty

g'em wrote:

only you can make that decision. only you know the whole situation and how you feel, and in fairness its not really impartial advice here coz we haven't a clue what's going on, only the limited amount you've told us.


maybe you don't. maybe that's just something you're gonna have to put up with. tbh, I was (or maybe am) in a similar situation to you- my ex and I discovered there were still feelings there, but he has a gf and he's happy. he didn't want to take the risk of ruining something he has now with soemthing that didn't work out first time round. Who knows what the future will bring, for us, but if the feelings are there after 3 years, they'll still be there in the future.

You know yourself what the right thing to do is, but be fair to both girls involved, make a decision and don't string either one along.

and how did you take that? its hard that i cant talk to my friends bout it cause they know both girls so that makes it even worse! i wish it was easy and i wish i didnt have feelings for my ex but i guess theres nothing you can do to help more. thanks for taking time out to give your opinion

Dragan

blocparty wrote:

so your saying that i have fake feelings for one of them? you cant understand the situation obviously. it is possible to have feelings for two people its the way of life. humans arent meant to be monogamous.

You appear to have misunderstood what i was saying. I said "fleeting" implying that all feelings come and go. Relationships need to be worked at, they do not come easy and if they did they would not be worth it.

What i was saying was that when you are in a relationship, you need to ignore whatever feelings may develop for other people, as you have made the decision to place you trust, love and loyalty in the person you are having the relationship with. And they have done the same with you. Of course it's possible to have feelings for two people at once but as i said earlier, you can only have a relationship with one of them. Once again you don't really seem to be in the right frame of mind for a relationship. If you were, you would never question it.

So maybe the answer for you is to break up with your GF but not get together with your Ex full time. Maybe you need a bit of freedom??

g'em

blocparty wrote:

and how did you take that?

it sucks ass!!! but hey, that's life. sometimes there are really hard decisions to make and the right answers are often the more difficult ones. Fact is, you're going to hurt one of them. Nothing nice about it, and it won't be easy, and as harsh as it sounds, she'll get over you. Us girls always do

blocparty

ok your both talking alot of sense to be now! this is the longest relationship ive had. maybe freedom is what i need but i dunno really! i know i will have to hurt one of them im only 19 anyway so im prob just too young to deal with this increasingly complicated situation!

Dragan

I suggest you place the emphasis on the current girlfriend.

Can you see the kiss leading elsewhere, whether you are going out with some one or not? All in all, tis better to be dumped over confused feelings than because someone has cheated on you.

For now, just remember which one is your girlfriend and you won't go too far wrong.

g'em

blocparty wrote:

i know i will have to hurt one of them im only 19 anyway

ah flippin eck, you should've said! go out, live a little, trust me, there'll be plenty of time to get bogged down in these sorts of situations later in life

Loupus

Break free.
Your being dishonest to your current girlfriend, (I mean think about it- you wouldnt want to be treated the way your treating her now would you?).

Then when you are free, you can make the choice about the other girl- you might find that once you can have her (as such) the 'spark' all of a sudden fades.

Altogether, your notbeing fair to you girlfriend, your ex knows whats going on.

g'em

g'em wrote:

ah flippin eck, you should've said! go out, live a little, trust me, there'll be plenty of time to get bogged down in these sorts of situations later in life

Your gonna have to leave both of them alone for a good while and get your head sorted about who you wanna to be with since your so young and i'm betting your ex is too, sure she has a boyf let her make the decision for ya i bet she wont give him up

[Jackass]

I didn't bother reading any of this except the first post...man if you like, and i mean really like her, and she feels the same...wtf are you both doing with other people?

I know it's not that simple, obviously you're both with two people you really care about...just not like you do for eachother...

Well if you both really respect and care for your current partners you'll end it happily and with no bad feelings...don't worry man..she'll get over you..

In the mean time, you are risking a game of temptation which could wind up with four people getting really hurt...

The decision is obvious in my opinion..the real question is, Do you both have the balls to trust your gut and throw away the safe option?