Doctor slang is a dying art

Capt'n Midnight

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3159813.stm - background

http://webpages.charter.net/wretchweb/hippo.html - list below

Ash cash : money paid for signing cremation forms

Ash point : where you collect your ash cash

Babygram : an X ray of a neonate

Bash cash : money paid for completing accident forms

Brown trout : a stool that won't float (as opposed to an air biscuit, which does)

Buff : applying spin to a patient's history to facilitate a transfer

Champagne tap : a bloodless sample from a lumbar puncture

Code brown : incontinence-related emergency

Cold-tea sign : refers to the several cups of cold tea on the bedside cabinet beside a dead geriatric

Crumble : derogatory term for an elderly patient

CTD : Circling the Drain, for expectant terminal patients

DBI : Dirt Bag Index multiplies the number of tattoos with the number of missing teeth to give an estimate of the number of days since the patient last bathed.

Departure lounge : geriatric ward

Digging for worms : varicose-vein surgery

ERCP : Emergency Retrograde Clerking of Patient, an emergency procedure before the consultant rounds

Eternal care : intensive care

FLK : Funny-Looking Kid

Flower sign : fresh flowers at the bedside imply the patient has a supportive family

FTF : Failure to Fly, for attempted-suicide victims

GOK : God Only Knows

GROLIES : Guardian Reader of Limited Intelligence in Ethnic Skirt

Guessing tubes : stethoscope

Handbag positive : Used to denote a patient (usually an old lady) lying in her hopital bed clutching her handbag, a sign she is confused and disoriented

House red : blood

LOL : Little Old Lady

MICO : Masterly Inactivity & Catlike Observation

N=1 trial : polite term for experimenting on a patient

OAP : Over-Anxious Patient

O-sign : found on the very sick patient who lies with his mouth open

Ostrich treatment : pretend it's not there and hope it goes away

PFO : Pissed, Fell Over

Psychoceramics : psychogeriatrics

Q-sign : follows the O-sign, when the terminal patient's tongue hangs out of this open mouth

Serum porcelain : battery of blood tests on an elderly patient

Sieve : a doctor who admits almost every patient he sees

SIG : Stroppy Ignorant Girl

Slough : a patient another unit or hospital tries to unload on you inappropriately or unfairly

Spanish disease : cockney rhyming slang for cancer

TFBUNDY : Totally ****ed but Unfortunately Not Dead Yet

TMB : Too Many Birthdays

Treat 'n street : quick patient turnaround

TUBE : Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination

Turf : diverting a patient to another team by spinning the history to suit

Wall : a doctor who resists admitting patients at all costs

Whopper with cheese : fat woman with thrush

Woolworth's test : used by anesthetists. If you can imagine the patient shopping in Woolworth's, then he is fit enough for an anesthetic.

Wrinkly : geriatric

From BBC link

CTD - Circling the Drain (A patient expected to die soon)
GLM - Good looking Mum
GPO - Good for Parts Only
TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy
UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury
NFN (Normal for Norfolk)
TTFO - "Told To Go Away"
LOBNH (Lights On But Nobody Home)
CNS-QNS (Central Nervous System - Quantity Not Sufficient)
pumpkin positive- refers to the implication that a penlight shone into the patient's mouth would encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up.
PFO refers to a drunken patient who sustained injury falling over,
PGT "Got Thumped" instead.
Digging for Worms - varicose vein surgery
Handbag positive - confused patient (usually elderly lady) lying on hospital bed clutching handbagr".

Thus rheumatology, considered by hard-pressed juniors one of the less busy specialties, becomes "rheumaholiday", the "Freud Squad" are psychiatrists, and "Gassers" and "Slashers" are anaesthetists and general surgeons respectively.

Coffin dodger

BigEejit

TFBUNDY : Totally ****ed but Unfortunately Not Dead Yet
TUBE : Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination
Whopper with cheese : fat woman with thrush
GPO - Good for Parts Only
TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy
UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury

Some classics there

HybridTech

TTFO - "Told To Go Away"

Brilliant!

Devon

TTFO - "Told To Go Away"

To Take Fluids Orally - Very sharp thinking by the doctor when questioned by the judge!