Reading partners text messages

LegacyUser

I read through my girlfriends inbox yesterday, there was nothing there to find but I'm feeling really guilty, I do feel reassured after reading through them though.

I just want to know if anybody else has read through their partners text messages before and if they regretted it?

Slutmonkey57b

I haven't done it but I understand where you're coming from.

The question you have to ask yourself is why you need to read the messages and what you expect to get out of it? Are you looking for reassurance? Is there something you need to ask your gf that you feel you can't? Or is it that you feel she won't be honest with you if you do ask? I assume you're looking for evidence of cheating.

Do you feel guilty for having invaded her privacy, or for not trusting her, or for what? People do similar things to this all the time, and the compulsion to know can be overwhelming. Do you have to confess to her? The problem you're going to have is not just your own feelings of guilt but how your guilt and mistrust affects your behaviour towards her. Talk to her about whatever it was that drove you toward reading the messages first.

the Guru

No No No never do it , if she finds out your fooked , are you worried she is playing away ......

Fobia

Well, if she was cheating, she'd probably be tactful enough to delete any "evidence messages", so you're breaking her trust, and the chances of finding anything are slim, even if she does turn out to be cheating.

So whether it's morally wrong or not, it's rather pointless.

SexeeAussie

This has happened to me....I have been the 'reader' and the owner of the phone that was being looked at..... it really doesn't pay to be a snoop.....I found things that I shouldn't have looked at....and he did the same on my phone.

Once this trust is broken it is very hard to get it back. If you are worried or suspicious regarding your partner's 'doings'...just be a man and ask her!!!!!

Binomate

GuiltyBob wrote:

I read through my girlfriends inbox yesterday, there was nothing there to find but I'm feeling really guilty, I do feel reassured after reading through them though.

I just want to know if anybody else has read through their partners text messages before and if they regretted it?

If you were reading through her inbox because you don't trust her then you should most definatly feel guilty. If it was just for curiosity then maybe you should find better things to do with your time.

Dizzyblabla

it's evil and bad, would you read her post? her emails? next it'll be her diary, that's not good, a total invasion of privacy. You could have read something totally out of context too, which would have gotten you into more trouble again...

Misticles

myself and my partner browse thru eachothers msgs sometimes, just out of pure nosiness!=) and most of the msgs in the inbox are from ourselves , hehe

BeardyGit

No. Same for email, snail mail, notes.....

How many times have we all read or heard about friends getting themselves into a whole pile of **** because they've read someone's inbox contents? I can't understand what's going wrong with people who think this sort of behaviour is acceptable. Maybe I take it too far but I wouldn't even take something out of a girlfriends handbag - I'd pass it to her so she could retrieve the requested item herself. It's a place where she keeps her personal belongings and she shouldn't have to think for one moment that I'd be happy to go rooting for something.... To my mind, email inboxes, diaries, mobile phones are the same thing. All are *personal* belongings so out of bounds to anyone else.

Does that not sound reasonable? If it does then you really do know you were out of line. You'll also know that something's not right with your general behaviour and much more importantly the level of trust you have for your partner. Stop wondering if others commit the same crass acts of mistrust commonly perpetrated by a coward or a snoop. There are many who fall into this category both here and back in the real world. Decide for yourself how you'll deal with this temptation in the future and deal with whatever doubts you may have about your partner in a manner befitting a mature person, not a child.

Gil

Fajitas!

I wouldn't advise doing it again, myself, I hate anyone invading 'my' stuff. But on a more general scale, it creates alot of bad vibes, to think your partner went through your stuff. Even worse if you read too much into it.

DAEDULUS

relationships are based on trust...dont have trust? dont have relationship..

Zebra3

I would instantly dump my gf if I found her going through anything belonging to me.

Bank statement, mail, text messages, e-mail, you name it.

IvaBigWun

Such a bad idea on many levels. Always leads to tears one way or another. If you have to check there's no point to the reletionship.

Riamfada

Its a fine idea. If she has nothing to hide then there is no reason that she should get angry. Likewise she should be able to read your messages unless you have somthing to hide. I read my girls texts this morning and there wasnt anything there. I didnt feel so bad cause she read mine in bed.

rsynnott

No, no, no, I wouldn't be at all comfortable with ANYONE doing this, no matter who they are.

Riamfada

why

malico

IMHO - I am sick of seeing people here on their moral pedastoles. Hows the weather up there hey?

Origional poster: You obvisioly feel that there is something going on behind your back. You chose this way to check on her. And you found nothing. Honestly if someone is cheating on you they will hide their tracks.

You have two options here rreally.
1. Talk to her about yout insecurities and what the issues are.
2. Just watch her. Body language, eyecontact expression and use of inflections on words will tell yo ufar more than ANY text messages!

You are not a bad person. You chose to do something that society will deem wrong, but with what you feel was nessary.

And yes, I have on my Asbestos jacket to cope with the flamers!

dbnavan

wife and I browse each others phones now and again, no idea why, we both totally comfortable with it cause we have nothing to hide, i will get a text and if the phone is in room she is in and i am in another she will read it out for me, depends how much u have to hide.

sprinkles

Don't do it!! I can't stress this enought...it can only lead to bad things.

If you find nothing you'll still continue to do it. Then you'll find something and get all paranoid about it, even though there might not be anything wrong.

Or you might find something concrete and that's not a nice way to find out.

Best leave her texts to herself, and yours to you.

Although if you are feeling the need to route, then maybe you don't trust her as much as you should....!?

Supercell

Erm..they are your partner..what the hell is the problem?..unless there is trust issues there or something to hide.

Cabaal

Don't do it, if you do it you obviously don't trust the person and your only lieing to yourself if you think you do.

ThiiinkPink!

Longfield wrote:

Erm..they are your partner..what the hell is the problem?..unless there is trust issues there or something to hide.

This I'd agree with - so long as it goes for both of you.
If my ex left his fone downstairs while he was having a shave or something he'd shout down could I get it/read it out etc.

Make sure your friends know not to send anything overly private as you read each other texts for the other from time to time, to avoid embaressment. If there is REAL trust there, it shouldn't be a problem.

LegacyUser

Is there security issues? Possibly, There's an ex in the picture, I guess I wanted to see if they were still texting eachother.

It was a moment of weakness and I hate to admit it but I feel more secure in the relationship now. I don't think that there's any way that she can find out what I've done, so I don't really regret it.

Having said that I don't plan to do it again and I would be pissed off if I found out that she read mine (although I have nothing to hide either).

I know what I did was morally questionable but I feel better for it.

megameaty

Wow. I don't have a problem with my boyf reading my messages. Except just before xmas when I sent someone a message regarding his present luckily I caught him in time. I have nothing to hide and Im pretty sure neither does he. I just do it if I'm bored. Not to check if he's cheating. Thats just absurd. I think if you're honest enough in your relationship it shouldn't be an issue.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

Myself and my ex-girlfriend always read each others messages. I saw absolutely no problem in it, in fact if she had stopped me from reading her messages, i would have then become a bit paranoid. But we werent reading each others messages to check up on each other. If we were sitting there bored or watching tv or 1 of us was doing something and wanted a text read out, we would do it

Cathy

If you're feeling guilty about it, then you already realise you shouldn't have done it.
Some of you are saying that it's okay to read each other's text messages - which it is, I guess, but only if the other party knows about it beforehand and is okay with it, which isn't the case here. Even so, it seems a bit odd to me.

Don't do it again. It will only lead to trouble.

megameaty

People should really chill out. I mean seriously people here are saying they'd dump their girlfriend if she was caught snooping, it'll end in tears, its evil and bad etc. For god's sake they're just text messages! I don't know about you but the majority of my messages consist of stuff like 'meet u in d pub at 8'. What is it you people have written in your inboxes that's so vitally exclusive? (of course me asking that alone has probably led me to dumpsville by our morally high-grounded friends). Honestly though, please someone explain what it is that is so private that can't be shared with the person you love and trust?

projectmayhem

megameaty wrote:

I don't know about you but the majority of my messages consist of stuff like 'meet u in d pub at 8'. What is it you people have written in your inboxes that's so vitally exclusive? (of course me asking that alone has probably led me to dumpsville by our morally high-grounded friends). Honestly though, please someone explain what it is that is so private that can't be shared with the person you love and trust?

that's what i was thinking?
wtf could you be texting mates/family that could be construed to be cheating by your partner?

even if you wrote some joke involving sex, your partner should probably guess it's a joke based on other texts to whatever number it was...

SexeeAussie

projectmayhem wrote:

that's what i was thinking?
wtf could you be texting mates/family that could be construed to be cheating by your partner?

even if you wrote some joke involving sex, your partner should probably guess it's a joke based on other texts to whatever number it was...

Well, in my case, I found a picture of a girl on my bfs phone.....actually it was a picture of her tits....It was a real picture, not a wallpaper thing. I sort of thought then that I had reason to be suspicious........turns out that he was doin the dirty on me.......so, there are people out there who do not always do the right thing and their inboxes are not ALWAYS full of innocent stuff.

WhiteWashMan

certainly wouldnt bother me if my partner went through my email or my text messages.
but then again, our relationship has gone beyond the point where there is still some sort of independence that needs to be defended and upheld.

i do however think there is a big difference between snooping and being in a relationship where you are just an extension of each other.

Cathy

Whether there's something incriminating there or not isn't the point.

Would you open her letters? Read her diary?

You should respect her privacy.

megameaty

SexeeAussie wrote:

Well, in my case, I found a picture of a girl on my bfs phone.....actually it was a picture of her tits....It was a real picture, not a wallpaper thing. I sort of thought then that I had reason to be suspicious........turns out that he was doin the dirty on me.......so, there are people out there who do not always do the right thing and their inboxes are not ALWAYS full of innocent stuff.

So if that's the case then the people who are so uptight about their privacy do have something unsavory to hide otherwise why would they care? Maybe it wasn't the best way to find out that you were being cheated on but it's a lot better than not knowing at all.

It seems to me the fact that people are hiding something is a lot more of a crime than another person unlawfully looking through their inbox. The question is now who is worse? The person who reads the text messages or the person who hides them?

ShiverinEskimo

If my girlfriend read my messages there prob quite a few (my phone is currently holding 1200 in my inbox) that if she were to read without knowing the context she could get very paranoid. Luckily she knows I have close female friends who will throw the odd "xxx" or "love u loads" at the end of a message.
Luckily though she trusts me and I trust her so as far as I know, (hehe - I could be wrong) she has not felt the need to go snooping. We aren't the jealous types anyways - waaaay to laid back to be jealous.

Zebra3

What if a friend has sent you a private message and your g/f reads it? Then she finds out someone else's personnal business that has nothing to do with her. :mad:

If you're bored, pick up a magazine or a paper... :rolleyes:

I've got plenty of texts sent to me by mistake over the years, including some pretty dirty ones. So for those who do snoop what happens if you find a text which it seems someone is asking your partner round for a quickie, you confront them, and they tell you they don't know who sent it?

Happy snooping, losers.

BeardyGit

GuiltyBob wrote:

Is there security issues? Possibly, There's an ex in the picture, I guess I wanted to see if they were still texting eachother.

So, let me get this straight. Your girlfriend has an ex. So you felt that was adequate justification for you to look through her messages to see if they were still in touch with each other?

I'm occasionally in touch with one of my ex's too. It's purely platonic and it's great to catch up with what's going on in her life. But her boyfriend (by all accounts a pretty good guy) has a bit of a jealous streak in him and cracked up when he found out we occasionally met for lunch or I dropped into her parents house to say hello and I guess I can understand his take on it - He doesn't know me nor that I don't mess with anyone else' girlfriend! For that reason she'll call me when she's at home visiting the folks and I'll drop by for a chat and a cuppa. I'm only talking 2 or 3 times a year by the way.

But if he went looking through her mobile phone he'd find NOTHING. So don't get too comfortable in your uncomfortable shoes. If you have concerns, grow a pair and be a man - Speak with her about whatever's bothering you. Your insecurity shouldn't justify a breach of her trust.

Gil

AngryBadger

Buhuh!!??!!?! This kind of snooping just means you have trust issues, ad while you may be nice and ciosy at the moment, that kind of thing is only going to fester, and it will eventually destroy your relationship. TBH I wouldn't call that a relationship, if you feel you need to sneak around behind her back like that, and if you aren't secure enough to just say "look, I know your ex is about, ad I need to know that this isn't changing things between us".

If you're not in a place where you can do that, if you have to resort to tis kind of skulldugger, (and that's all it is), then I say break up with her now, 'cause all you're doing is setting yourself up for the biggest heart rending heap of dogcrap you can possibly imagine.

-Kratos away!!!

seamus

You feel guilty because you suspected her of something but found you were wrong, and now you feel like a prick.

The question of whether or not it's right is something else entirely and is different for every couple.

connundrum

I don't do it, and I don't see the point in doing it cos I don't think its any of my business.. if there was something my missus wanted to tell me then she would tell me. I think we're gone past that stage of nervousness or whatever it's called. That said I have no problem with her reading any of my stuff, she knows the passwords to all my e-mail acounts and I don't hide my phone when I'm around her cos I have nothing to hide.

The OP is feeling guilty cos he found no dirt, he'll get over it. The thing is will he check her phone again in a while.. and then feel guilty again?

LegacyUser

I read my mrs txt last week and found a txt along the lines of "cant wait to see you for some kisses" in her outbox and 1 reply... now she tells me that they were sent by her boss so she could hide it from her husband who reads her phone .... so i access her e-bill online and find she txt this no more than any one else eg 100 out of 125 txt messages a month ..... she still claims that its not her and she is just the middle man/woman .... man my mind is fried now dont know what to do who to belive to start looking further or to just belive her ....even so i am glad i had read it as i would rather know than be played as a fool

smokeyone

smokeyone wrote: »

I read my mrs txt last week and found a txt along the lines of "cant wait to see you for some kisses" in her outbox and 1 reply... now she tells me that they were sent by her boss so she could hide it from her husband who reads her phone .... so i access her e-bill online and find she txt this no more than any one else eg 100 out of 125 txt messages a month ..... she still claims that its not her and she is just the middle man/woman .... man my mind is fried now dont know what to do who to belive to start looking further or to just belive her ....even so i am glad i had read it as i would rather know than be played as a fool

P45 tbh.

100 out of 125 texts in a month. If it was her boss he'd have forked out €60 for a pay as u go phone for that kinda thing don't ya think? Who in their right mind would use an employee for that?

Poloman

If you are ever worried that you other half is up to something ask them!

"Can I read your text messages and you can read mine!" in a playful way.

If there is a refusal you need to wonder why there is a refusal.

And anyway.... if someone wants to cheat they will always find a way so its not worth spending time worrying. The truth will always come out in the end.

Poloman

smokeyone wrote: »

I read my mrs txt last week and found a txt along the lines of "cant wait to see you for some kisses" in her outbox and 1 reply... now she tells me that they were sent by her boss so she could hide it from her husband who reads her phone .... so i access her e-bill online and find she txt this no more than any one else eg 100 out of 125 txt messages a month ..... she still claims that its not her and she is just the middle man/woman .... man my mind is fried now dont know what to do who to belive to start looking further or to just belive her ....even so i am glad i had read it as i would rather know than be played as a fool

I'm sorry to say, but if you believe the story you told you than you have to wake up. Do you really think her boss would make her use her phone to text another woman he was having an affair with? Do you know how crazy that even sounds?

2 choices
1) Dump her
2) Sit down with her, work out who this person is and why she is cheating and is there a future and can it be worked out. Personally I dont think so.
3) Walk into her office shouting at her boss that he needs to stop getting your girlfriend to text his mistress for him as its costing ye too much money

If you do option 3 then either she confess up, and be humiliated in front of all her workmates and you get a brilliant ending to the relationship or in the one in a billion chance it could even be possibly true.. her boss says ok and explains why to you that he was using her phone.

Good luck mate. I had a fiance cheat on me before so I know how much it hurts. And she denied it at the time so thank God we arent together anymore!

bubblewrap

smokeyone wrote: »

I read my mrs txt last week and found a txt along the lines of "cant wait to see you for some kisses" in her outbox and 1 reply... now she tells me that they were sent by her boss so she could hide it from her husband who reads her phone .... so i access her e-bill online and find she txt this no more than any one else eg 100 out of 125 txt messages a month ..... she still claims that its not her and she is just the middle man/woman .... man my mind is fried now dont know what to do who to belive to start looking further or to just belive her ....even so i am glad i had read it as i would rather know than be played as a fool

This story really confuses me....

LegacyUser

I've done worse. I've gone into my OH's email account and sent an email to his contacts, telling them all he had changed his address (to a different account that I had set up.)

LegacyUser

Well I sort of did the text reading thing 6 weeks ago. BF left phone in car so I went about finding a number in it to phone someone to go pick him up as kids in bed and I couldnt go.
First shortcut button I pressed brought up the folowing text " Oh yeah I forgot, you dont wear any underwear you dirty girl " WELLLLLLLLLLLL what a freakin' shock I got. Together 12 years, 2 kids, he has a lot of freedom where going out is concerned, we have a great life in ALL respects and I never once suspected him of infidelity.
Went through the contacts list of course and found a UK number with female name.
So he comes home. Denies any knowledge of the number/name. So I decided to wait for the bill to arrive. Proof was there for all to see. Loads of texts to this number - mainly at night time but no calls. So I confront him again. Turns out he met this wan in a pub in Liverpool and got chatting. Got her number to ask about nightclubs later that night blahdy blahdy the usual. Textin each other for 2-3 months after. SWEARS nothing happened and that it was all innocent texting and that he wouldnt do anything to jeopardise our relationship. All texting has now ceased and I am totally devastated. Says he realises that he shouldnt have been doing it and he is sorry for hurting me. I am slowly trying to get over it but he has put a serious crack in our relationship. I have often wanted to post on this board for advice but sure I reckon if I can do it myself - I might as well try. Every possible thing went through my head at the time but I am inclined to believe the part about nothing physical happening. But it's the emotional betrayal. Also if I hadnt seen the phone - how long more would this secret "affair" have continued for?
So I am glad I checked his phone - he now realises that he cant text other women as and when he likes. And I mean inappropriate texting, he shouldnt say anything to a female that he wouldnt say to her if I was present.
So thats my story. Spent the last few weeks torturing myself and slowly trying to deal with it. It may not be a major tragedy but to me it was a little chunk of his life that I was totally shut off from. Only good side is that I have lost 5 lbs from not eating LOL

Joey the lips

TBH i trust my wife and she trusts me. I would read her text msgs if I am being nosy but I dont much. She got someone to send her a text once saying " Get your hands of my phone and mind your own bsiness" I thought it was funny

I think if you dont trust your girlfriend your in trouble.

I love my wife dearly truely etc if she was having an affair I would not want to know so you see sometimes we trust not only cause we love we trust case it suits

Read her text messages who cares but as I said ask yourself why>

Kiera12

I'd let my boyf go thru my phone anyday cause I have absolutely nothing to hide! However his phone is by his side 24/7 and sometimes leans away when txtn (which i thought was a bit wierd as its not always!) and he erases ALL his messages... inbox & sent. hmmm!

Anyway, If you have nothing to hide and your in a trusting relationship there shouldn't be a problem, I certainly wouldnt have a problem with him going through mine, as Ive said, but find it weird that he is so protective over his all the time??? I'm not implying he is texting other girls but why be so protective?