fathers rights

allmixedup

hi,
ive just begun legal action to get guardianship for my child against my ex. does anyone know any groups or solicitors that would help as i havent got a clue what to expect in court...
has any1 got any advice or tips.....

luckat

PM me and I'll give you the name of a superb solicitor that specialises in the area.

Only advice I can offer is to be sure to do what's in the interest of the child. Legal action isn't always the best; if you can negotiate shared custody it might often be better. It's important that the child be listened to, especially.

iti114

See the forum on www.dads-house.com

In the research section there is an excellent publication from Treoir on "Taking the Stand" which also includes most of the documentation required.

However if you do not have consent from your ex (presumably you are unmarried?) then you will indeed need a good solicitor. All they will do, however, is -perhaps- get you guardianship and some level of access.

The real fun begins when your ex will flaunt the court order to their hearts content. So as luckat says there is more to this than the legal aspect.

If you have any hope of reconciliation, then do it.

allmixedup

thanks guys, if there was a chance to sort it out outside court i would jump at it but cant see it happening..

Hagar

The words "Father's" and "Rights" don't often occur together in sentences in Ireland unless "don't have any" appears in the middle.:mad:

frobisher

I have direct experience of this and I now have full custody of my son. I hope some of my experience can be of help.

It's a very, very difficult situation. Your actions now will have reprecussions that will affect you and your child for the rest of your life. You need to be very objective and you need to tread very carefully.

I'm a 32 year old man with a 12 year old boy with a girl from another country. She really wanted to return home and it was agreed that our son wanted to stay here so he would therefore live with me. At the last minute she changed her mind and said she was taking him. I told her she couldn't to that. And then realised that she certainly could.

In custody law there is no such thing as father or mothers rights there are only childrens rights. Everything is geared towards what is best for the kids, not the parents. The reality of this is that the man very rarely wins as there is a profound presumption in Ireland that kids are best with their mothers. No matter how just your cause or how good your lawyer you will not change this, trust me, just accept it and deal with it.

If a mother was a convicted theif and the dad a respected doctor he still wouldn't get full custody. It is horrible but true. Not only can someone take your child away from you, there is nothing you can do about it. It hurts like hell. It's also worth bearing in mind that a huge amount of fathers in situations like this leave the mothers and children high and dry. The courts are faced with horror father stories everyday, unfortunatley the good ones suffer as a result.

Custody battles are the absolute lowest form of reaching concensus. Whatever glimmer of a relationship you have with your ex will probably be destoyed. By their very nature and with such high stakes they can get very, very messy. Nice people can become very nasty and peoples names and reputations get dragged through the mud.

I decided I needed to get clever, put my immediate hurt aside and think long term. It was clear for the sake of my son and myself I was going to have to avoid court at all cost. I knew I'd lose and that my son would have 2 parents who hated each other so what was the point? So I rang her one day and said Ok, you can have him but I want to talk it through with you and work out how we are going to do it. She couldn't believe it. To be honest it killed me, I felt like I was letting her walk all over me but it meant that dialouge was back on the table. So we met once or twice and I asked her to go into mediation sessions with me ( http://www.aimfamilyservices.ie ). She agreed to this, in fact she was glad of it. Mediation was very good and I offered her nearly everything she asked for. As a result she had to reciprocate and she was left with no option but to be as fair as I was being. Eventually we reached an agreement that was infinitely superior to anything I would have achieved through the courts. The story continued to take alot more twists and turns but the simple reality is that he is now living with me full time and had I gone to court I'd barely be seeing him.

No matter what happens just focus on how you can have the best relationship possible with your child whatever the outcome of it all. It's understandable that you will be angry and hurt but don't let that rule you. It may sound crazy but even a small amount of contact is better than nothing, it can still be made to work.

I wish you all the best with it. Feel free to PM me anytime.

penelope_

Hi guys

i really sympathise with your situations but just feel that i need to balance the argument a bit (know "argument" is not the right word but cannot think of better one) I have a 5 year old son and am a single mother...was with my partner 2 years when found out i was pregnant...he totally freaked out and said he wanted nothing to do with baby, he was too young, wanted to have fun etc etc He then moved to scotland proceeded to ring me on a weekly basis to tell me to have an abortion and that i was going to be a crap mother...when reached 24 weeks i thought this would stop but he sent me over loads of information about adoption.!!! Basicly at this stage i finally figured out that this guy is not going to change his mind and and accepted it was just me and baby...forward on 2 years Daddy turns up ...says sorry..i forgive because i do or did believe that my child deserves a father...forward on another year, son now 3...daddy decides this is not for him and disappears again....2 months ago he contacted me full of apologies and i told him to go take a running jump..no way is he disrupting my sons life again!!! Hes is now a paid up member of fathers for justice and is threatening to gain custody and tell everyone what a bad mammy i am! he hasnt even seen or contacted my son for 2 years...he had his chance and he blew it...is this the type of father that you are defending because i have no doubt he is involved with all this lobbying...

Hagar

penelope_ wrote:

is this the type of father that you are defending because i have no doubt he is involved with all this lobbying...

Absolutely nobody is defending this type of selfish behaviour, but too many women use idiots like him as a weapon to beat down decent caring men. Men are being demonised by society and it has to stop.

nesf

It's not so much that all men looking for custody are martyrs, I doubt anyone who has a bit of sense believes that. It's the systematic bias against men in this country in the laws that people have issue with. Each case should be judged soley on the merits of the people involved. To make blanket statements that the system should favour one sex over another because they'll make a better parent has no place in a fair legal system. Imho.

Nevyn

It is not going to change until they lobby the state to spend the funds on child advocates and funding to investigate correctly the home enviroments
of the child and both parents involved.

There are not enough social workers dealing with critcal children at risk or in care never mind trying to get them to look into what is best for a child in a
seperation or custody battle.

A lot of what the fathers want can usually be got if both parents can agree to family medation sessions and try work things out.

frobisher

penelope_ wrote:

Hi guys

i really sympathise with your situations but just feel that i need to balance the argument a bit (know "argument" is not the right word but cannot think of better one) I have a 5 year old son and am a single mother...was with my partner 2 years when found out i was pregnant...he totally freaked out and said he wanted nothing to do with baby, he was too young, wanted to have fun etc etc He then moved to scotland proceeded to ring me on a weekly basis to tell me to have an abortion and that i was going to be a crap mother...when reached 24 weeks i thought this would stop but he sent me over loads of information about adoption.!!! Basicly at this stage i finally figured out that this guy is not going to change his mind and and accepted it was just me and baby...forward on 2 years Daddy turns up ...says sorry..i forgive because i do or did believe that my child deserves a father...forward on another year, son now 3...daddy decides this is not for him and disappears again....2 months ago he contacted me full of apologies and i told him to go take a running jump..no way is he disrupting my sons life again!!! Hes is now a paid up member of fathers for justice and is threatening to gain custody and tell everyone what a bad mammy i am! he hasnt even seen or contacted my son for 2 years...he had his chance and he blew it...is this the type of father that you are defending because i have no doubt he is involved with all this lobbying...

You have missed the point Penelope. It's not a question of whether a dad deserves to get custody, it's more that even if he does deserve it he won't get it.

I'm not going to have a go or back up your personal situation but is you telling him "to take a running jump" based on what's best for your child or on your anger? It can very difficult for those of us in these situations to see the difference. I would rather my ex just stayed away. She has taken my son out of my life twice and I am very angry. But that doesn't mean I should stop her seeing her child. It's very complex.

I personally don't go in for all these fathers rights groups but I also don't go in for all those womens rights groups and there are much more of them.

SPI

The Separated Parents of Ireland meet every monday night in Smyths of Fairview at 8pm discussing guardiandship, custody, access, maintanance, JS, divorce, etc

Gr1f

Hi, I have a couple of questions. My ex girlfriend and I seem to be dealing with things amicably, visitation (every other weekend and as many week nights as i can/like, Maintenence etc. However, i'm not a legal guardian. Is this important? Should I try and get legal guardianship?

A couple of things to note, She's not an Irish National, although she has no immediate plans to return to her homeland this could happen, from Oasis.gov I gather she needs my permission to take our child? The other thing is what's supposed to happen with maintenace for my child if she marries? I preume I would keep it up but just wondered legally.

Thanks for any advice in advance.