Up to the job...

LegacyUser

Difficult one - been going out with a girl close to a year now... I've noticed lately that there has been less and less interest in the lovemaking department... In fact it seems it is always myself who has to 'make the first move' so to speak... I dont mind that but sometimes it makes me feel pushy... I just want her sometimes to have some fun. Then last week, we got physical, lots of foreplay and so on, but then... not sure how to put this... I was 'refused entry'... There was no obvious reason why and I was not told why... I started asking questions trying to come up with some sort of explanation for myself why this was the case. I almost feel that I just dont do it for her anymore. She is reluctant to talk about stuff like this which is difficult because I am very open. I need to get this off my chest - I know I shouldnt, but I feel pathetic - 'not up to the job' so to speak... I never had any complaints before but this upset me.

Nevyn

Well what ever her reason she prolly felt shítty about how things went and pestering her with questions at the time may not have been the best idea.

It is something that you will have to talk to her about there could be many and varied reasons why things have cooled between you it could just be famiularity.
Maybe you need to sweep her off her feet and change your game plan a little.

wirelessdude

i feel for you man....did she just clam up when you started questioning her?
maybe leave it for a day or 2 and then just bring it up...it's obvious something is affecting her and it needs to be sorted/brought out into the open

The_Goose

She needs to talk to you and tell you whats wrong, otherwise i would seriously considering walking. Not because of no sex but because if she refuses to talk abiout it how will it ever be fixed.

Sit her down and ask her straight out what s going on?
If she refuses to answer explain to her how this is making you feel and if things dont change soon you ll have to take other actions.

Reasons for partners to
act this way could be she just doesnt want to be with you anymore, sex drive is low, depressed, bad past experiances but no matter what the reason she needs to talk to you.

Santa Claus

Thaedydal wrote:

Well what ever her reason she prolly felt shítty about how things went and pestering her with questions at the time may not have been the best idea.

And he felt marvelous after she spurned his advances ?
If she won't talk to him about the issue at the time then how can they resolve things.

cordelia

Santa Claus wrote:

And he felt marvelous after she spurned his advances ?
If she won't talk to him about the issue at the time then how can they resolve things.

Well, obviously he didn't feel marvelous. And, yes, they do need to talk. It's just that, for some people, sex, and the intimacy of it, is such a difficult thing to discuss openly. Many times it's better to just give it a little time, a day or two, when there's less potential for explosives, then sit down to talk about it in a caring manner. I would assume that the OP is just as concerned about the fact that she's not enjoying herself as he is about being "refused entry." If she won't discuss what's going on, and continues to refuse despite his attempts at thoughtfulness, well then, yes, the OP needs to think about the future of the relationship and what he wants long term. But he says that this has just happened recently, so it's worth taking a little time to try and work things out between them if he loves her.

sprinkles

You need to talk to her and tell her how its making you feel. Don't push her into giving you a reason but let her know that her silence is effecting you and if she still refuses to give you a reason then maybe there is a problem that might require some distance to solve.

Little-Devil

I agree with the other's that you need to sit her down and ask her what's wrong? I know a few young couples who had similar problems and it was because they were with each other 24/7 and i think it was just the thought of feeling secure. What i mean by this is, that if you spend all your time together and maybe she has slightly drifted apart from her friends

Im not sure its just a thought but you need to talk to her and if she refuse's then i think unless you really love this girl would be to finish with her and jsut tell her that she's not being open with you and that you can't be her if you don't make her happy:(

claire h

Talk to her. Explain how you feel, be careful not to seem like you're accusing her of anything... "I feel as though you're not interested in having sex with me lately" instead of "You're not interested...".

The issue is not the sex, it's the communication. Remember that.

the Guru

She is either sleeping with somone else or she may have maybe caught something and she is good enough not to pass it on to you !, Don't worry fella, it happens to the best of us, but in my experience, it's usually she has met someone else and just doesn't have the intestinal foritude to tell you.

It's usually that someone is not so upstanding that they wouldn't sleep with thier partner because they have a STI.

Zillah

Thats quite an assumption guru.

LegacyUser

the Guru wrote:

She is either sleeping with somone else or she may have maybe caught something and she is good enough not to pass it on to you !, Don't worry fella, it happens to the best of us, but in my experience, it's usually she has met someone else and just doesn't have the intestinal foritude to tell you.

It's usually that someone is not so upstanding that they wouldn't sleep with thier partner because they have a STI.

Well I can tell you have been real lucky in love!

OP it does not mean she has an STI and it does not mean she is sleeping with someone else.

It does mean you need to have a good long talk and figure out whats going wrong.

Blub2k4

the Guru wrote:

She is either sleeping with somone else or she may have maybe caught something and she is good enough not to pass it on to you !, Don't worry fella, it happens to the best of us, but in my experience, it's usually she has met someone else and just doesn't have the intestinal foritude to tell you.

It's usually that someone is not so upstanding that they wouldn't sleep with thier partner because they have a STI.

Jaysus someone musta dumped on you more than once.

To the OP:I suggest that the above will more than likely not apply in your case, this is extreme and definitely not the best of advice in this situation that has an infinite number of more likely explanations. The Guru seems to be projecting his misfortune onto you.

the Guru

Blub2k4 wrote:

Jaysus someone musta dumped on you more than once.

No not at all, well maybe when I was a young lad, and Im very loving relationship now,

but whats the point in pussy footing around the issue.

nobodythere

How lately is lately? Some people deal with guilt (i.e. from cheating or considering break-up) by trying to make you feel that you're the one doing something wrong. Or she's laying off all that cos she's considering breaking up with you if it's a more recent thing.

Just some theories.