Why are men inconsistent??

Guestxxx

I'm a regular user here but signing in as a guest as my other half lurks around here ...

been living with boyfriend for over a year, get on really well have a laugh and very much in love, well he tells me he loves me all the time.

The problem is he just isn't consistent about what he wants for the future. He tells me he wants to be with me forever and one minute he wants to marry me as soon as he can and then the next he isn't keen on getting married but would be willing to register out partnership becasue its easier to get out of if things go wrong. His ex left him and he is now going through a divorce so I understand where he is coming from here but its one thing or another!

Then kids, one minute he's all on for it and the next he's not bothered if we had any or not. he is happy to go through life not having any but yet talks about how great his friends are with their kids etc

We talk about it and everytime we do he seems to have a different view!

I want to have a baby with him, if we have a baby I want to feel secure in the family unit by us all having the same surname and having full legal rights of a marriage. I don't want any elaborate wedding and am happy to register out partnerhip when its introduced.

once he looked into my eyes and all i could see was pure love and he said lets have a baby as soon as we get settled in the house, we agreed and hugged ... thats what i want but then next conversation he back tracked and isn't bother again ...

Can anyone help me to understand why he constantly change his mind?
is he stringing me along hoping I change my mind? I'm 31 he's 37.


thanks

Guest

Dragan

I doubt he's stringing you a long.

As you said, he is going through a divorce right now, and you have to realise that at one point he looked at that person with pure love in his eyes, and they hurt him. He does not want to think so but there is always the chance that you will hurt him also. Sure, you say it will never happen, but she had said that also....... do you see where this is going????

He is inconsistent ( i imagine ) because he is genuinely confused right now. How can he have faith in something new, when everday the old thing he had faith is comes closer and closer to it's absolute end????

Offer a little understanding like you seem to be doing and just try and ride out the confusion. At 31 you have plenty of time to have a baby, but too much pressure on you partner right now could mean losing him too.

But.

It is tough, and i don't know him or you. I am just recanting what i have witnessed through friends going through similar.

PeterGriffen

I agree 100% with Dragan. The more times you fall in and out of love, the less faith you have in actually managing to fall in love with one person for the rest of your life. He may want to make plans with you, but then panic and change his mind because he is afraid that your relationship might fall apart in the future. Whatever reassurances you give him that you will always be together were probably also given to him by his ex.

Guestxxx

Maybe you guys are right and if that is the case then maybe what I don't want is a man who is seperated/divorced ...

His divorce will not be through for about 18 months, then he'll want time to get over that etc etc

the thing is I understand and would be the same in his posiiton but its not what I want for me.

thanks for your replys its helped alot

Dragan

Not a problem, and it's only one insight, there are many people here who offer much better advice than i ever have!!!

I am simply saying that this may be the cause. BUT you are 50% of your current relationship, and it cannot all be designed towards making him feel better, your own feelings need to be a concern at times!

I would suggest you sit down and have a chat with him about the divorce, his feelings etc. If you are begining to feel that you may not want this, you need to give him a chance to talk before you start thinking too far ahead!!!

Best of luck and i hope the two of you can sort it out!

Atrocity

He's just unsure or even maybe a little scared about completely settling down and having children, etc. Not with you, but just in general. Commitment for men is hard at the best of times, but when it comes to kids and marriage, heels will be dragged. I'm sure after a while, if you help him, he can get over this confusion and feel confident in what he wants to do. I hope you both have a happy life together, and good luck!!

SexeeAussie

So are you saying that you are not prepared to be with him as he has a lot of 'baggage', yet you 'were' prepared to have kids with him??

I am 31 as well, just trying to get perspective here...

He is 37.....I would have thought he is 'entitled' to have a past.

Cripes I know I have...I have two children and past relationships.....the thought of someone not being prepared to accept that 'past' is quite daunting