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A poem. Feedback please

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  • 12-12-2005 12:33pm
    #1
    manonthemoon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭


    Is this the first? (25th November 2005)

    I

    Doing Time
    Printing Rhyme
    No Fear
    One Beer
    Boys Talk
    Mind Walks
    See You
    Baby Blue


    II

    Dream Time
    Living Rhyme
    Solo Performance
    Captive Audience
    Exhale Lose
    Your Cool
    Digging You
    Baby Blue


    III

    Exit Time
    Evolving Rhyme
    Walk By
    Hey Hi
    Wave Smile
    Planets Collide
    Picture You
    Baby Blue


Comments

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    #2
    Oakburner
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭Oakburner


    really like it i have to say. i read it two or three times and the last time was the best. i think its something you have to read over. the rhyming is nice and it gives the impression of having taken time to find the correct colloquial term to use.
    Walk By
    Hey Hi
    Wave Smile
    Planets Collide
    .
    particularly like those lines.
    good overall.


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    #3
    manonthemoon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭manonthemoon


    Hey,

    Thanks man. It means a lot

    motm


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    #4
    HST
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30 ✭HST


    I really like it. The rhyming works well. Nice little poem.


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    #5
    Local Goddess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 263 ✭✭Local Goddess


    That's quality,it really is!It has a nice rhythm to it,nice to read and its a little bit vague,i love that cause it gives you something to think about,like who is baby blue.Its really good,fair f*cks!:DLove the lines 'boys talk,minds walk'


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