Colours of you

lilmissprincess

Deep blue
The deepest oceans filled with tropical coloured fish
And your eyes, mysterious and alluring

Harsh white
The glare of sunshine on freshly fallen snow
And your skin, cool and stretched

Darkest Ebony
Cold damp earth on the ground
And your hair, long and poker straight

Flushed pink
Valentines Day cards and cheesy presents
And your cheeks, blushed.

Coal black
The darkest hour before the dawn
And your heart.

Blush_01

Sorry, I just spotted this today when I had to get offline, but I wanted to compliment you - this is really good, it's the kind of thing you should write more of. Keep it up!

Vangelis

Ay lyke this one too!!

Vivid imagery in harmonious union with humanity. The 'darkest hour' and 'your heart' at the end puts a melancholic meaning to it. It's like there is something not so beautiful and harmonious at the core of existence.

Velly good job on this one!

lilmissprincess

Thanks lads, yeah this one was writen in an Irish class...enough siad really, although its not about the teacher....oh god, just realised a lot of it matches my Irish teacher...

Robbiethe3rd

Now, I've read your other poems and they weren't great, but THIS, THIS was fffffaaaaannnntttaaasssstic!!!! WOOOOOOOO,

Yeah, now that's my idea of poetry.

Out of 100 I'd give this ten out of ten!!!

keep up the good poems!

theboytaylor

Very well done lilmiss, I really like this one.

The colours and then relating them back to the person you're talking to...kinda made me think.... anyway 'tis real cool, I like.

Robbiethe3rd

Yes yes YES its VERY good!

I was just saying to my grandmother how good I thought it was.

Isn't it very good!?
I think it's very good.
My grandmother thinks its very good.
It's very good!!!
Very good!!!
Good!!

lilmissprincess

Aw, shucks thank you. Any favourite lines?

hullaballoo

This is way better LMP. Either you took the advice of using some of the technical instruments of poetry like metaphor and imagery, or you fluked a nail on the head job.

I think you've got the right head for this sort of thing, and just need some practice, so keep it up!

lilmissprincess

Thanks Hullaballoo...yeah, the advice did help, criticism works wonders...Though this could again be a fluke.

cjs19

Not a fluke by the looks of it. If this and your other poem are anything to go by, we couuld well be on our way to an impressive volume. Just do me a favour and leave out the post modernist stuff you did. Very impressed and I curtail my earlier remarks. One suggestion though if I may. The line with cheesy presents in it, how do I put it... the rest of the imagery is very beautiful and then to introduce a word like cheesy just sort of kills the mood. Perhaps I just have an aversion to the word cheesy, but it does stand out because of its paralation (how it sounds) in conjunction with the rest of the poem, therefore affording the listener to dwell to long on it therefore thinking of cheese, which does not bode well in a poem of such austerior language. Basically I start thinking of a block of cheese when I read that line and it doesnt fit well with rest of the poem. Maybe it's just me though? Anyone else? Ah....Im tired of writing. Whatever. Good poem.

Robbiethe3rd

lilmissprincess wrote:

Aw, shucks thank you. Any favourite lines?

No! It's a stupid poem and I didn't like it.:mad:

Cabelo

Are you sure you're not the same person though? REALLY!?

ctrl-alt-delete

Cabelo wrote:

Are you sure you're not the same person though? REALLY!?

one man and his monkey = one man

Orange Elephant

lilmissprincess, this was ok, better than cloning by a few miles.

lilmissprincess

Cloning was a major mistake. I have no idea what possessed me to write it. Really.
As for cheesy, well, ok then. Name other suitable words for that thought!

lilmissprincess

Robbiethe3rd wrote:

Now, I've read your other poems and they weren't great, but THIS, THIS was fffffaaaaannnntttaaasssstic!!!! WOOOOOOOO,

Yeah, now that's my idea of poetry.

Out of 100 I'd give this ten out of ten!!!

keep up the good poems!

You say this, then a few posts on you say you hate it. Enthralling mind you have.

Sarky

Robbie's been banned for a while. Don't bother. Now, I'm locking this because I reckon it's beyond redemption.