A man lying in a hospital bed

lovell · 09-12-2005 5:29pm #1

A man is lying in a hospital bed with an oxygen mask over his mouth.

A young nurse enters his room to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know Mr. Jones, I'm only here to wash your face and hands."

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands."

The head nurse walks by and sees the man getting a little distraught, so she marches over to find out what's wrong. "Nurse," he mumbles, "are my testicles black?"

The head nurse whips back the sheets, pulls down the man's pajamas, moves his penis out of the way, has a good look, pulls up the pajamas and says, "There's nothing wrong with them."

Frustrated at this, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and asks again, "I said, are my test results back?!"

merlinsmerryman · 09-12-2005 5:44pm

Jury's out on that one.

Zillah · 09-12-2005 6:15pm

I liked it.

strassenwolf · 09-12-2005 6:24pm

For some reason that reminds me of the one about the two men lying in adjacent hospital beds. Both patients are very ill and both find it a struggle to say more than one word at a time.

The first patient turns to the second, points at his own chest and says "Jim", to introduce himself. The second fellow then points at himself and says "Patrick".

Jim then points at himself again and says "Dublin". Patrick nods and says "Kerry"

Jim then looks very grim as he points at his chest for the third time and says "cancer". Patrick nods gravely and then says....

"sagittarius"

scuba steve · 09-12-2005 8:41pm

ha ha, both good!

lovell · 10-12-2005 9:28pm

very good strassenwolf, liked it

TerrorFirmer · 10-12-2005 11:16pm

The test result joke is great. Liked it. Someday I'm going to spend an entire day cutting and pasting from this thread and making the longest comedy email in history.

HybridTech · 11-12-2005 12:17am

Both very good folks.

I can just see contributions flying in for Sagittarius Research!

strassenwolf · 28-01-2006 1:34pm

Another hospital one.

Tony Blair is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one. The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face
Great chieftain o' the puddin race,
Aboon them a you take your place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."

Blair is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient. The patient responds:

"Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the PM moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, Blair turns to the accompanying doctor and asks:

"What kind of facility is this? A mental ward?"

"No", replies the doctor...

"This is the serious Burns unit."

EKRIUQ · 28-01-2006 2:46pm

was that funny????

Litcagral · 28-01-2006 2:48pm

Very Good

:):):)

temp_boards · 28-01-2006 2:49pm

strassenwolf wrote:

Another hospital one.

Tony Blair is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one. The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face
Great chieftain o' the puddin race,
Aboon them a you take your place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."

Blair is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient. The patient responds:

"Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the PM moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, Blair turns to the accompanying doctor and asks:

"What kind of facility is this? A mental ward?"

"No", replies the doctor...

"This is the serious Burns unit."