love, is it ever worth it?

javelin

when thinking of it..
is it ever worth being in love and being with someone for some time?
when it always ends badly, when you always get hurt in the end.
sometimes so badly you almost cant even breathe.

is it really worth having that time of happiness when the bad times come later?
I do know I never wanna depend on anyone again, I never wanna trust anyone again and I never, never wanna be that hurt again.
it's just hard not to fall in love with love, isnt it?

funk-you

javelin wrote:

is it ever worth being in love

Yes.

It will get better, give it some time.

javelin

it's not that I'm trying to get over someone now..
just, I remember what it was like..

The_Goose

so this is not really a PI just a rant about a previous experiance?
I know the feeling but you have to risk it to find the one you want to spend your life with.
I got hurt on first serious relationship and havent really let myself get that close to anyone since but you have to get out there and try or else you ll just be sitting at home with your knitting!

ven0m

javelin wrote:

when thinking of it..
is it ever worth being in love and being with someone for some time?
when it always ends badly, when you always get hurt in the end.
sometimes so badly you almost cant even breathe.

is it really worth having that time of happiness when the bad times come later?
I do know I never wanna depend on anyone again, I never wanna trust anyone again and I never, never wanna be that hurt again.
it's just hard not to fall in love with love, isnt it?

it is ALWAYS worth it, even if you get hurt cos it goes wrong.... living a life where you DON'T share your heart with someone is a **** life to lead... I've been BADLY burned more than a few times, but things with my fiance showed me love is always worth it when it's right...


::: ven0mous :::

styer

worth it - definitely,

There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved - (George Sand)

BoozyBabe

ALWAYS!!!

Loving someone & being loved by someone are the yummiest feelings in the world!!!

king_of_inismac

This is an interesting one. I've often thought about it.

But one quote comes to mind, and I think it's very apt for this thread:

"Relationships are the most head-wreaking things, second only to being alone"

So relationships are hard, but so is being on your own for the rest of your life. The right person will make it all worth while, trust me

So pick yourself up, stand up straight, and don't be afraid to fall head-over-heels in love again....

BoozyBabe

king_of_inismac wrote:

"Relationships are the most head-wreaking things, second only to being alone"

I like that one. Hadn't heard it before.

jrey1981

I can sympathise with the OP...hope springs eternal

I have been through the lows and the highs...the trouble is that during the lows, I was very low and occasionally a danger to myself.

In that respect, I find it difficult to weigh up the pros and the cons as I am afraid what might become of me if I went through those kinds of lows again.

elexes

love many trust no one

LegacyUser

writing as somebody who is still feeling very raw and hurt after breaking up with a b/f i'm gonna take consolation from whats written above. i think love is worth it but with everything in life there are the highs and lows...i'm still waiting for my Prince Charming!!!

LegacyUser

Penny22 wrote:

writing as somebody who is still feeling very raw and hurt after breaking up with a b/f i'm gonna take consolation from whats written above. i think love is worth it but with everything in life there are the highs and lows...

Yeah, if youd have asked me that

4 years ago Id have said - "yes, best feeling ever"

2 years ago - "cant get any better"

6 months ago - "pure bliss"

4 months ago - "heartbreaking"

now - "you'll never love just once, i had good memories and a lesson in life, so the answer to your question is Yes"

IvaBigWun

styer wrote:

There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved - (George Sand)

Thats very true but, fooking hell, the pain of breakups make you think twice of risking it again sometimes. I think everyone should re-discover themselves for about a year after harsh breakups with long term loves.

tj-music.com

I have been burned a lot in my life and I have broken some hearts as well. Love can be ugly. I am even divorced twice but I am in a great relationship for over three years now and I think it is worth it, always.

IvaBigWun

tj-music.com wrote:

I am even divorced twice

:eek: How are you not in a rubber room drooling at the mouth? Thats *harsh*. On the up side you get the 3rd one for free I believe

condra

not worth it. no. the pain lasts longer than the ecstacy.

Blisterman

There wouldn't be pain after a relationship if there wasn't happiness during it.

Squirrel

Blisterman wrote:

There wouldn't be pain after a relationship if there wasn't happiness during it.

That's where being turned down sucks, none of the happiness

LegacyUser

IvaBigWun wrote:

Thats very true but, fooking hell, the pain of breakups make you think twice of risking it again sometimes. I think everyone should re-discover themselves for about a year after harsh breakups with long term loves.

Yeah. So true. I thought I was bouncing back from heartbreak and then I saw the film Closer and it reminded me of the agony relationships and breakups can cause.

Im so burnt I think I think an art student could use me as drawing charcoal.

No. Not worth it. It exacts too high a price.

Atrocity

It's a strange thing, love.
At one end of the spectrum it can hurt you so bad, it can make you angry, bitter, hateful. It can make you want to die.
Then there's the other side. If anyone's lucky enough to find lasting happiness then it gives life purpose. It's a gamble, there's nothing else we can do except try to find it. It might work out, It might not. But everyone wants a shot at it.

lizanne

javelin wrote:

when thinking of it..
is it ever worth being in love and being with someone for some time?
when it always ends badly, when you always get hurt in the end.
sometimes so badly you almost cant even breathe.

is it really worth having that time of happiness when the bad times come later?
I do know I never wanna depend on anyone again, I never wanna trust anyone again and I never, never wanna be that hurt again.
it's just hard not to fall in love with love, isnt it?

oh its so worth it girl.
I know its hard believe me i know but i am so in love with my fiance and i have never been happier

craiglen

It's a load of bollocks... drop it altogether. You don't need it. Avoid it at all costs! It's a waste of time, money and energy.

Honestly.

Actually don't avoid it at all costs but if you dso get sucked in, you have to be ready to tell yourself in the event of a break up that you don't need it.

Atrocity

I think if Dr. Phil was asked right now he would say:

"What's your inner dialogue? This is going to be a changing day in your life."

EvilPixieOne

I suppose it makes life more interesting whether it hurts or not

BEAT

Omg people! Ofcourse its worth it...as the old saying goes: "Its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

I mean you cant expect "love" whatever your own description of it is, to be roses and lollipops everyday can you? You wil occasionally get stuck by a thorn or pick up a lolli that had a different flaovr inside than you expected...but that isnt a reason to move away from gardens and never buy the candy is it?

If you ever have the chance to be in love do it,
as many times as you can if necessary. Sure it sucks IF it ends...but that is a part of life. You cant tell me youd seriously pass up a chance of bliss for the chance of loss...everyone loses thier love whether by misfortune or by death. We al lose the one we love at some stage of our lives..thats why we were given the capability to Love again.
You cant give up and crawl up inside yourself waiting to die miserably.
Try , try again and dont expect the worst just enjoy the best of it while you have the chance.
Id fall in love happily everyday If I could even though Ive seen the heartbreak, because I know that heartbreak only lasts a short while but true love, when you find it...lasts a lifetime

lucid

A lot of you seem to be under the impression that the search for love will eventually result in you finding this 'true love'. I'm just not sure that it works like that...

Atrocity

no, but there's always a chance. so it is worth a try

javelin

hey people.
thanks for your opinions.

but right now it just feels like it always ends badly.
cause somehow it ends. every time. even though it ends with death in the end.
which must be even worse.

I guess I'll get over that feeling eventually.

and one more thing.
Why do people lie? ie. mostly guys.
maybe I'm just only drawn to those who lie, I dunno.
cause everyone I've met have been a lying bastard.

jrey1981

When I am in one of my more cynical moods, I remind myself that love is a chemical process in the brain that nature has designed to ensure the propagation of the species, and therefore an illusion !

LegacyUser

Ya its worth every second of it. You'll never feel as complete in your life as when you are in love, hard to describe. Its a bitch when you lose it, I did I hope one day I can get it back. For a long time I felt numb without that person in my life, you know the usual stuff stopped eating, epic depression, used to find myself crying my eyes out for no good reason. Pretty bad and it went on for a long time. I still have hope that one day I'll find someone who I can love again for now I'm just enjoying the single scene, putting myself out there and seeing who I might meet its fun and I've met a lot of nice people who it didn't work out with. I still miss my first love and probably will always have a place for her but life goes on. Don't give up because you'll miss out, heart break is a part of life.

BEAT

javelin wrote:

hey people.
thanks for your opinions.

but right now it just feels like it always ends badly.
cause somehow it ends. every time. even though it ends with death in the end.
which must be even worse.

I guess I'll get over that feeling eventually.

and one more thing.
Why do people lie? ie. mostly guys.
maybe I'm just only drawn to those who lie, I dunno.
cause everyone I've met have been a lying bastard.

Its a process that everyone goes through, if it first you dont suceed try try again. You cant expect to "fall in love' each time. I dislike the term being thrown around anyway , the whole "in Love" thing. You need to get out there and meet people, date , have fun and if you happen to fall in love along the way then good for you. Just because you are dating someone doesnt mean you have to be in love, that comes during the process sometimes but when it doesnt thats when most people leave...and when it ends why does it have to be so dramatic. It should be more like..well, that person wasnt the right person for me...best I found out now.

Sure it hurts, everyone fears rejection and separation...but it doesnt mean it will always be like that. You cant let this attitude that all men or women are lying bastids becuase you happen to have had a few bad experiences. If I did that Id have joined a convent long long ago.
You have to take each relationship as a new one and try not to compare them. Sure, a lot of people will seem the same to you because you are attracted to a certain type of guy...maybe branching out with you interests as far as the type of man you date?

There are a little of bitter minded people around here that seem to not be able to let go of the past of look forward to new beginnings...as hard as it may seem thats what you have to do to move on. Let go of the past...dont forget any lessons you may have learned but dont carry that hurt you feel to far or every relationship you get into will infact end the same because you will expect it to.

It took me a long time to reshape my outlook in this area but I feel its made me the better person for it and I take things as they come instead of having expectations.
Just "let go" and worry about making yourself happy instead of what another person can do for you in that respect and youll find what your looking for

CathyMoran

You never forget your first love - my first love still makes my pulse race whenever he mails me and when I see him I can not eat for 2 days. Being in love for the first time was the most headspinning, wonderful things in my life - of course it ended badly but I can not say that I regret it, sure, I sometimes wonder if things could have worked out differently but I have some memories that always make me smile. I do think that time helps. At least the person that you loved is not dead.

One of my favorite movies is Shadowlands - it has a wonderful quote about love "Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers any more. Only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I've been given the choice; as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."

Font22

not worth it as far as i can tell

Azureus

its so incredibly worth it... the thing is if you dont make yourself completely vunerable to being devastated you never experience love fully-its damn risky but imo worth the possible heartbreak. better to have loved and lost...

WhiteWashMan

yes. it is.

SexeeAussie

Totally worth it.....

Javelin, you are young.....this will probably not be the only time in your life you are hurting like this.

You know what, when love ends, it never ever EVER gets easier, but you tend to get over it quicker....or perhaps more effectively.

I always find it handy after breaking up with blokes to write a list of all the good and bad things about them/the relationship.

You will find that there are bad things that you have probably been overlooking whilst wearing the 'rose coloured glasses'.

Hey, I am no expert in the area, but I am early 30's and have two divine children......

Think of it as experience......love will happen again....it is around the corner when you least expect it!!!

Have faith and goodluck

sceptre

TurquoiseDream wrote:

Omg people! Ofcourse its worth it...as the old saying goes: "Its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

The cynic in me reckons that when Tennyson said that he wouldn't have had the necessary experience to make a judgement call on it. Still, if it helps as a one-liner...

Sifo

javelin wrote:

when thinking of it..
is it ever worth being in love and being with someone for some time?
when it always ends badly, when you always get hurt in the end.
sometimes so badly you almost cant even breathe.

is it really worth having that time of happiness when the bad times come later?
I do know I never wanna depend on anyone again, I never wanna trust anyone again and I never, never wanna be that hurt again.
it's just hard not to fall in love with love, isnt it?

I remember being there, not being able to breath, wondering if it was all worth it... And yeah, it was.. Cos if something makes you feel that bad, when you lose it, it must have been very special. I even went out and did it again and the same happened again... and again and again, but I'll keep doing it... It's the greatest thing in the world.......

lazydaisy

Sifo wrote:

I remember being there, not being able to breath, wondering if it was all worth it... And yeah, it was.. Cos if something makes you feel that bad, when you lose it, it must have been very special. I even went out and did it again and the same happened again... and again and again, but I'll keep doing it... It's the greatest thing in the world.......

I feel exactly the same way about smoking. But I stopped doing it.

cordelia

TurquoiseDream wrote:

Its a process that everyone goes through, if it first you dont suceed try try again. You cant expect to "fall in love' each time. I dislike the term being thrown around anyway , the whole "in Love" thing. You need to get out there and meet people, date , have fun and if you happen to fall in love along the way then good for you. Just because you are dating someone doesnt mean you have to be in love, that comes during the process sometimes but when it doesnt thats when most people leave...and when it ends why does it have to be so dramatic. It should be more like..well, that person wasnt the right person for me...best I found out now.

Sure it hurts, everyone fears rejection and separation...but it doesnt mean it will always be like that. You cant let this attitude that all men or women are lying bastids becuase you happen to have had a few bad experiences. If I did that Id have joined a convent long long ago.
You have to take each relationship as a new one and try not to compare them. Sure, a lot of people will seem the same to you because you are attracted to a certain type of guy...maybe branching out with you interests as far as the type of man you date?

There are a little of bitter minded people around here that seem to not be able to let go of the past of look forward to new beginnings...as hard as it may seem thats what you have to do to move on. Let go of the past...dont forget any lessons you may have learned but dont carry that hurt you feel to far or every relationship you get into will infact end the same because you will expect it to.

It took me a long time to reshape my outlook in this area but I feel its made me the better person for it and I take things as they come instead of having expectations.
Just "let go" and worry about making yourself happy instead of what another person can do for you in that respect and youll find what your looking for

What he said.

Sifo

lazydaisy wrote:

I feel exactly the same way about smoking. But I stopped doing it.

YAWN!!

Nevyn

Sifo
Unhelpful and off topic postings will get you banned from this forum.
Do read the charter,
have a nice day
Thaedydal

LegacyUser

Romantic love is a construct of the last few hundred years. Before that people had husbands, wives and sexual partners they cared for in greater or lesser degrees, but not everyone felt they had to find THE ONE. We live in a society that persuades you it is all that matters because it is quite important that couples freely make a commitment of marriage, and to commit for life you have to feel that you have some deep inner connection with your sexual partner, not just that it is a mutually convenient contract. In turn marriage/monogamy is important because it guarantees (or at least encourages) security and fidelity.

THis is not to say that you are 'just imagining' how you feel about someone, but having that feeling is not necessary to make you human. Obviously lots of people on this board like that feeling and think it is hugely important (and people who read 'personal issues' are a well-meaning self-selecting group who take particular interest in such constructs and in making them as pleasant as possible).

There are many other kinds of love: love for your children, your parents, your country, your comrades, platonic love. At some points in history in some cultures each of these is considered essential and those who lack them are sub-normal. We live in a culture in which romantic love is considered necessary.

The alternative to romantic love is not solitude. There are many other kinds of relationships open to us and it would be foolish to ignore them.

LegacyUser

well i was just heartbroken last night and he is just saying that we will some day get back together well i am not really sure but i know i loved him and i still do but that doesnt mean we cant love again it just means that when some one breaksup with u, u just have to say well if he said he still loves me then maybe he needs time to think things over and see if i am his true love but i doubt i am cuz he also made my best friend think that she was his one true love but he said it just wasnt working out between them and i try to comfort her but she just cried for days on out and i know i will be cying for a long while too...

LegacyUser

okay so love is mostly worth living for most of the time...cuz all in the end life is like love sometimes, you get hurt sometimes or it is just like you've fallen into the arms of faith and you just want it to be that way for the rest of your life...but then when you get hurt you just want to die until things get better...but if things dont get better then its like you want to go to faith but what if faith is what hurt you?... i was in love for 3 years and then he said that i acted like i didnt love him i tried to tell him over and over that i did love him but he refused to listen to me he just said well things just arent working out but i loved him and i still do its just that he doesnt belive that we were meant to be but my heart says that we were meant to be together... but in theory i really dont know anymore...

everyone tried to tell me that i needed to show more affection but i told them that if he really loved me he wouldnt breakup with me.. but silly me i didnt listen...

but all in the end love IS mostly like LIFE and LIFE is worth living for all the time cause it might not seem like it but someone in the world loves you... but if you are at the point where you really want to die then you need to go to the person you love and tell them how you feel about them unless they are married...but life is is really alot like love so give it another try...
...i tried my best, so try yours...

LegacyUser

yes love is worth it cause all in he end if he/she really does love you then they will come back now if they were just using you then that is a totally different siuation cause i dont want a man comming back to me after he used me now if it is a man/woman who needed to think things over well then he/she will tell you what he/she has decided..either to stay with you cause you are his/her's one true love or he/she will say well i am not really seeing a future with you and he/she will say well hopefully say i know but can we still be friends? and hopefully he/she will say of course just cause we had a little trouble in our romanticly social life doesnt mean we cant be friends...well at least that is what they will say cause you never know he/she could come back you saying that they made a mistake and that you really are they're one true love and yall will live happy ever after...
and well if things are a hole lot different than that then i dont know what to say cause i only know the answers to the well to the ones that usually happen so sorry for the ones out there who really like your one true love and you dont think he/she will come back i know my one treu love wont come back cause well he said he just thought i didnt love him enough so, but i really loved him i just needed some space for a while and i tried to tell him that, but he wouldnt listen so,...my true love will have to be someone else so...i hope all of your loved ones come back to you n time of need of just cause they figured out that you are their on true love... well i got to go now....
jesusphreak8766