Young Parents

FoXXy

A friend of mine recently found out she's pregnant. At the age of 22 she's not that young but her main fear is how people will view her. I've tried to convince her that society has moved on a bit from judging young parents and sending them away but she wont listen to me about it. SO what are your views? Do we still as a country look down on young parents or have we accepted the fact yet?

spurious

I would have thought 22 is a great age to become a parent. Her own parents are still relatively young, she is young enough to return to her career or education should she want to once the child goes to school.

I'm not sure I see what problem there could be?
Does she have a support network?

FoXXy

dont get me wrong its not that its a big problem for her having the baby. she has alot to be positive about. she has a support network of myself and her boyfriend and we'll help her through anything. i think her main problem is how her parents and other friends will view her?
apart from her though do people generally look down on young mothers?

spurious

I don't think so. Mind you, the sort of people who 'look down' on anyone are not generally worth bothering with.

Her parents are her parents, and while perhaps they had not thought they'd be grandparents just now, I'm sure they will be delighted.

It's a really exciting time of life for her. I hope she enjoys it.

Femelade

i got pregnant at 20. my daughter was born a few days before my 21st.
at first i was frightened. My parents were upset and somewhat dissapointed, but never looked down on me for a moment. when i left my daughters father when she was 2 and a half, my parents were over the moon to have us home. i think it was then that i realised that they werent upset so much that i had got pregnant, but "who" i got pregnant with.
i am 25 now with a 4 yr old daughter. i cant recall at any stage being looked down at from anyone.

TempestSabre

I'm confused. Shes not THAT young. Is the problem that shes unmarried or something?

Victor

The current problem is new parents are too old, not too young.

Nevyn

22 is NOT young to be having a child.
18, 16, 14 are young and too young to be having a child.

22 you are an adult and in most cases would have finished your education or
be working in a job long enough to have gained skills and been promoted.
Yes having a child can lead to a drastic change in your life and life style at first
but once she has what ever childcare solutions that will work with her life and
meet the requiremnts of her child's life will go on enriched by having her son
or daughter.

The ages of 22 to 28 are when most women are in the prime physical and medical condition for having children. They are also have more engery to be
running around after their kids.

With more and more people putting off having thier kids until thier late 20 the age gap between the generations is growing.

FoXXy

Victor wrote:

The current problem is new parents are too old, not too young.

explain that one??

Cabaal

FoXXy wrote:

explain that one??

Scroll up, Thaedydal explained it well enough I think

yom 1

Well speaking as someone who had a child at 20 I dont think people looked down on me or my girlfriend at all. I'm 23 now and my son will be 3 on christmas day. I have never had a problem with anyone. The fear of "telling the parents" is a horrible feeling but she is best to get it over and done quickly. After she does and her family(like grandparents uncles aunties) find out she will be amazed by how much support she will get and then of course she will have her friends too.

The only young people I think that get looked down on are the ones that seem to think it is still ok to get locked whilst pregnant or would still take drugs or whatever.

Beruthiel

Victor wrote:

The current problem is new parents are too old, not too young.

agreed
in the last 10 years, people have been having kids in their late 20's early 30's.
I had my daughter when I was 22, that was a normal age to have a child.
as Thaed said, it's a great age cos you are still young enough to manage a baby, you've got energy and are still young enough to be able to relate to you child as they get older.
When did people start looking down on you for having a kid at 22?

Nevyn

Babies are usually good news, with less and less people having kids these days
I know people who are worried that they will be too old when they become
grandparents to get to know and play with thier grand kids.

hillybilly

Wow, this is a very emotive issue, isn't it!

If 22 is right for your friend to have a baby then it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I was 29 having my daughter, she's now three and I'm 32. I want to have one maybe 2 more children but for me, if I don't have them in the next couple of years, I think I will be too old. However, that's just whats right for me.

I was recently told I may have trouble getting pregnant again and it has made me sit back and wonder whether I should have started my family earlier. I am with my husband 11 years and we are married 7, there was nothing stoping us so I'm thinking if we had started earlier I might not have to worry about whether I can have any more or not.

I think the age you start your family at is a very personal issue, so if it's 22 or 42 go for it and don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says.

Squirrel

My mam had 7 kids between the ages of 25 and 40. There is now a 26 (27 in a few weeks), 23, 21, 20, 16 and 12 year old. One passed away shortly after birth. She's now 52, and still managed to run around after my little sister when she was in her 40's. But no way is 22 too young. My 26 year old brother chooses not to have kids yet, and that's his decision, your friend may have chosen at 22 and that's her decision. Congratulations to her btw

luckat

My own feeling about this is that 22 is just about the right age to have a child - but that the right way to do it (if it's possible!) would be to have a big backup system in place of aunties and uncles and grandparents.

I had a child at just under 22, and the first few years were gorgeous. The time I ran into trouble was when I was in my late twenties, when I started to long for all the wild times I'd missed out on in my early twenties when I'd had foal at foot.

I was pretty young-looking. One old gentleman helped me off the bus with the pram and said "Aren't you a great little mammy to your little sister," and I said coldly "He's my son", and the poor oul' fella wilted in embarrassment!

lisa.c

i dont think young parents should worry about other people looking down their noses at them or tut tuting that they are to young.

as long as you know that your commited to raising a child and that you know you can provide for them in every way financially, mentally, emotionally physicaly etc etc then it dosent matter if your 16 or 46 when you have your baby.
i was 20 and my partner 21. we were well settled and stable with jobs and a home, we were congratulated by every one including both our parents.

Victor

Victor wrote:

The current problem is new parents are too old, not too young.

My nephew is 6 weeks, his father is 44, his grandfather is 72, his great grandfather died in the 1940s.

Slutmonkey57b

People won't think any less of her but she'll have to be prepared for the fact that a lot of her friends will totally forget about her once she's not part of the weekend drinking and partying scene. People aren't intentionally off like that but it's not very likely that her 22 year old friends are going to be prepared to come and see her on the weekend when they could be enjoying themselves recovering from a hangover on somebody else's floor (and won't come over during the week when baby is asleep).

FGR

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

see her on the weekend when they could be enjoying themselves recovering from a hangover on somebody else's floor (and won't come over during the week when baby is asleep).

A very bad side of the culture in this country.

Nevyn

Part of the way that parents are becoming more and more isolated in society.

RainyDay

I think the important message for OP's friend is that she has to get over the 'what will people think' stuff. She's a parent, and she is now going to be responsible for every aspect of the little one's life. There are going to be people who think she is too young, and people who think she is too old. There will be people who think she should put baby in creche, and people who think she should stay home. There will be people who think baby should go to local church school and people who think baby should go non-denominational. She's need to start making her own educated decisions, and to hell with the begrudgers.

Irjudge1

22 sound like a great age to have a kid. When she's 40 the child will be 18. A great opportunity to have a good understanding of each other with such a small age gap.

Victor

Irjudge1 wrote:

22 sound like a great age to have a kid. When she's 40 the child will be 18. A great opportunity to have a good understanding of each other with such a small age gap.

A friend (the eldest) is about 20-22 years younger than her mother. They used to go bowling together.

My mother is 33 years older than me and my father 39. A very different situation.

Nevyn

It is nice to be able to get to know your parents before they slip into thier dotage and share life with them as an adult esp when they can be there
for when you become a parent yourslef.

Royale with Cheese

22 is fine to be having a kid, it's being a single parent that will be tough. But at the very least it's one more person to pay for my pension so it's a thumbs up from me.

Charis

I think Rainyday is right about not worrying what other people think! 22 is a brilliant age to have a little one. Thaedydal was right about it being a good age to have children. I wish I had been able to have my little ones a few years earlier. I am in my late twenties and I definitely had more energy a few years ago then I do now! A friend's daughter is 19 and just had a baby and I haven't heard of one negative comment towards her. Both sides were and are very supportive and she seems to be adjusting well. It will probably change friendships but that is true at any age when you have a child. Keep being a good friend and supporting her!

Soledad

I had my first baby at 29.....a happy accident...only knew her dad three months when we discovered we were going to be parents and it is hard telling your parents that news even at my age.
In fact I think they would have acepted it better at 22 as they used the 'you'd think ye would have more sense at your age' line.
It was difficult and I think the fact that we were a bit older and so have a lived a little allowed us to stick out the tough times and stay together.
My now husband's nephew had a baby recently, they are both 18 and we feel the chances of them lasting is slim......
Just my opinion for what it's worth.
Parents want what's best for their kids and having a child when you are not in the best position to do so, no matter what your age is not ideal so she should expect a bit of dissappointment from the parents initially.
However I have yet to see a grandparent who didn't come around to the idea once the baby is born.
When I had my last baby I noticed that there were either very young mothers ie teenages or else mothers who appeared to be close to 40......
No such thing as an ideal age to have a baby in my opinion but there is such a thing as the odds being stacked against you being a good and happy parent and not having support, enough money, a house to live in, a happy relationship are all factors which work against you.

Shinners21

I think 22 is a great age to have a baby..being 22 myself I know that I'd probably be happy if I found out I was pregnant! If you're in a relationship or even if you just have the support of friends / family it's a great time for it to happen. At 22 I'm full of energy and fell I'd be better able to cope with a baby now then I will be in 10 years time.
I hope all goes well for your friend.

Miss Judy

This is the best thing that ever happens to anyone, having a baby so brilliant congrats to your friend and may she enjoy the happiness ahead of her!.
I had my first baby at 25, was with partner 2 months and though at the time it was a major shock and my parents totally lost it with me, we have never looked back and I had our 2nd baby in July and we are getting married in the New Year. We've had tough times (my other half & I in our relationship) but got thru it, our kids are just the best and we adore them, you cannot put into words the love for your child, it's so amazing.
Now, my parents cannot get enough of their grandchildren and are very good to us. They didn't speak to me until about a week after my first baby was born and I was very hurt and upset and there has been alot of trouble there but we put it all behind us and get on fine now. My mother was/is a major "what will the neighbours say" type, my dad was just disgusted at me when I got pregnant for not being married.
Your friend has nothing to worry about, shag what people think & to be honest nobody looks down on anyone.....if anything people love seeing someone pregnant & new babies. She will be fine, being a mum is great and I am not even in my thirties yet and I think I had my kids at the right age as I am full of energy & will still be a cool mum when they are in their teens! (I hope). Alot of other mums I know where I live who have kids similiar age are 6-10 years older than me and it's mad....I'm the youngest mother in my area actually and I'm 29, so it's true people are holding off having kids which I wouldn't be in favour of really. And that's from seeing how other mums I know cope in comparison to me. Take care & best of luc, better stop going on and get a bit of work done before the holidays!.

embee

I'm 24 (will be 25 on January 3rd though) and am due my first child on January 30th. I'm happy that my first born will be school age when I'm just 30. I always wanted to have at least one child before I was 30, so I am happy. A lot of it has to do with the relationship that I am in though - it is a happy, healthy and loving relationship and my partner and I will be together for the forseeable. I don't know how pleased I'd be if I wasn't in such a good relationship.

My own parents are both very young still. My brother was born 6 days before my mams 19th birthday. I was born on her 21st birthday, and my sister was born 3 months after her 23rd birthday. By the time she was 30, my mam had her three kids in school and went back into the workforce. So for me, growing up with young parents has been a real positive experience.

The only thing now is... they're feeling old because they're 45 and 46 and they're going to be grandparents

deisemum

When it saw the title of the thread I expected this topic about a teenage pregnancy.

Although I was 31 and 33 when I had mine I wouldn't consider early 20's as young.

I don't think people will judge your friend, unlike what girls like a sister of mine had to endure back in the 80's.

My sister was 15 when she had my nephew back in 1984 and she was one of the rare single girls in the area to keep her baby. Back then there were a lot of shotgun weddings or the girl went off, had the baby then had it put up for adoption.

Our family supported my sister and the whole family got an awful lot of negitive comments over it. My mother informed the school who assured her that it would be kept private until my sister left school, however the next day the local priest came into her class and gave a talk on the evils of sex before marriage and that one of the classmates was pregnant, He didn't mention her name but kept staring at her so everyone knew. The following Sunday the family had to endure more of the same in the sermon.

Thank God times have changed. Tell her to enjoy her pregnancy and not to worry about being judged. If she is happy about it then that's what matters,

rainbow kirby

TBH, I think that if the parents feel ready and capable of raising a child, then that's the right age. My mother, grandmother and great-grandmother were each 21 at the time their first child was born... which seems incredibly young to me now (I'm 21 now, and the thought of having a kid at this age scares the crap out of me but I'd like to have one before I'm 30), but I can also see how it's well suited to my mother, she's 43 now with a 21 year old, a 18 year old and a 13 year old and has been back in the workforce for about 6 years now. She's glad that she's got all the running around after little kids done at this stage, especially when she sees friends of hers who are around the same age, but have very young children.

masteroftherealm

Im definity in agreement that when i saw this i was expecting 14-15year old girl. Nope thats a grand age not too younng not too old.
But tell her shell soon realise who her true friends are.

deisemum

Just to add that my mother was just 21 (10 days before) when she had me, she had 9 of us in total and was almost 41 when she had the youngest.

She always maintained that there were both advantages and disadvantages whatever age she had a child.

I wouldn't worry too much about age, after all what if you don't meet someone by a certain age that you may have in the back of your mind that you'd like to have a child. At the end of the day it has a lot to do with your attitude and maturity.

ThiiinkPink!

FoXXy wrote:

A friend of mine recently found out she's pregnant. At the age of 22

I became pregnant with my first at your friends age, and had a second two years on. To be honest, I'am glad I didn't have them any earlier. I wouldnt have been mature enough for it. I dont say that in a patronizing manner, because some younger moms manage just fine. then the older mothers can be
too set in their ways, and quite frankly exhausted because they've put their energies into careers before-hand.

There are health benefits to both mother and child, to child-bear in your twenties of course. I had to have both of my kids delievered by c/s, and I would not have been able to do that much later in life. It knocked me for six, after two heavyish born kids I'd gained alot of weight too. Its easier to get rid of the extra weight the earlier its done too.. generally.
(Thank god I've gotten rid of mine!)


As for what people would say - its not so much of a problem as it was years ago. of course my mam was trying to run me down the aisle :rolleyes:

Both of my kids birthdays are next month, they will be 2 & 4 - and they are happy and healthy.

I hope your friend has a wonderful pregnancy Foxxy, tis a very special time

frobisher

FoXXy wrote:

A friend of mine recently found out she's pregnant. At the age of 22 she's not that young but her main fear is how people will view her. I've tried to convince her that society has moved on a bit from judging young parents and sending them away but she wont listen to me about it. SO what are your views? Do we still as a country look down on young parents or have we accepted the fact yet?

The answer here is very simple. It's not a question of how people view her but the fact that she cares in the first place. She shouldn't. I was 19 when my kid was born, it's something you get over after a while.
Best of luck to her!!

brown*eyed*girl

I had my first child when I was 17 and my second when I was 27 :eek: First time around was on my own (split with the bf when pregnant) and second time was in a loving relationship. Can honestly say I was just as good a Mammy first time round, if not better, than the second time round. Once the maternal instinct kicks in and you see you're little bundle you will be ok. Don't worry about what anyone thinks just look after yourself and your child. Best of luck. You have so much to look forward to. My two angels are the best thing to ever happen to me.

Ickle Magoo

I don't think there is an ideal age to have a baby....but certainly in your twenties is perfect for a lot of the reasons already mentioned....it's going to be hard work & one of the most fantastic experiences of your friends' life be she 18 or 38 or whatever.....if anyone else has a problem with her age or circumstances then that is their small mindedness and frankly, it's no-one else's business to pass comment on!

My parents were distraught at becoming grandparents as they thought they were far too young.....and I was in my late 20's!! lol! Best of luck to your friend