Sad suicide story

MicraBoy

THE oppression a gay man felt in rural Ireland drove him to take his own life.

The broken-hearted family of Alan Doherty (32) from Buncrana, Co Donegal, said it had become too much for him to bear.

Mr Doherty was found dead by family members in his home on November 8.

In a carefully-hidden note addressed to his family, he revealed how he could no longer cope with the loneliness and degradation that being gay brought for him.

Determined that his death will not be in vain, his oldest sister Carol has embarked on a campaign to raise awareness of the difficulties and isolation encountered by many gay people in rural Ireland.

"Alan's death has devastated us. He was a fantastic brother.

"He was the mainstay of this family. We have lost a bright light," she said.

"I want people to see that I had an amazing brother who should still be around except that the circumstances for him became too difficult," she explained.

"I want to challenge people to look at their prejudices."

The sixth-born in a close knit family of 12, Alan was musically talented, witty and fun-loving. But he had been the victim of continuous childhood bullying because he was perceived as "somehow different".

"He was beaten and taunted but he never revealed the full extent of it until later. On one occasion he was chased home from school by a group of about 20 who were calling him names like 'queer' and 'gay boy'," Carol said.

He experienced further rejection as a 19-year-old when a parish priest blocked his application for the priesthood after he confided his sexual orientation.

"He was devastated. He felt he had a genuine vocation. He really wanted to make a difference in the world," she said.

When he was 21, Alan moved to London where he worked as a nursing assistant with children for over six years.

"He blossomed in London. He made friends really easy and he had a long-term relationship. I believe these were the happiest years of his life but he always missed home. He missed the beach and he missed his family," she said.

After the break-up of his relationship and tiring of the 'gay scene', Alan returned home a year and a half ago and opened an art gallery in Buncrana.

At first, he could not believe the way the community had changed and the amount of support he received but the taunting had not disappeared.

A week before he died a group of school kids had hurled abuse at him through the gallery door. In another incident in a nightclub queue, someone he knew said "get out of the way, gay boy".

"He laughed these things off on the surface but I know they had a profound affect on him. He believed that this was what he was going to face for the rest of his life, that he was always going to be seen first as a gay man.

"But he was not first and foremost a gay person. He was Alan, a human being, whose worth was diminished by an insensitive society," Carol said.

She added that he had also felt the isolation of living in a rural place where his chances of finding love were limited.

"There needs to be support structures for people who are gay and feeling isolated," she said.

"There should be a drop-in centre for people to go and discuss issues that affect them," she said.

She said she did not want others to suffer the taunting her brother faced.

"Homophobia still exists and I want Buncrana to be the first place to eradicate it. I am not speaking out to blame anyone but parents must make a start by challenging the negative expressions they hear their children using."

In an emotional interview on Highland Radio last week, Alan's father, Patrick urged parents of gay people to love them for who they are.

"Alan's mother and myself accepted Alan as he was and we loved him deeply and we will never get over the loss," he said.

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Hmm_Messiah

his sister was just on the radio.

Any suicide is so sad, that people can find so little joy or cotentment, or even feel valued in this world.

That some one's life was so affected by his sexual orientation puts many things "into context".

I hope now he has found the peace he was afforded and maybe his family's highlighting of the tragedy might have some effect. In the news we often hear of murders and deaths that we find obscene in their detail and gruesomeness, but isn't it really obscene to hear of a young man's death in Ireland in 2005 because of who he is ?

I imagine the condolences of gay people, while welcome, are really an inadequate response to this tragedy; maybe some people though might realise how they can affect other people by words or attitudes that seem "throw away" to them. At least then some other person might not have to endure whatever pain this young man experienced that caused the choices he ultimately made

Goodshape

I know the familly (from the same town) and met Alan for the first time just a few weeks ago. Sparked up a conversation out of the blue; he seemed a very nice and funny person. RIP.

And fair play to the family for highlighting the issue. Maybe some good can come of that.

damien

His sister was just on TodayFM too.

lucernarian

I was listening to The Last Word this evening and I was really saddened by the tragedy. I hope he is has finally found peace, he deserves it.

catspring

I knew Alan quite well and i still cannot believe that he's gone. He really was one of the most genuine, caring and funny people I've ever met, and he will be sorely missed. And I think that there is some comfort in the fact that Alan's death will make people realise that homophobia is serious issue in our society. And, I guess he is better off now. It's weird though cos he was always there, whenever you had a problem, to sit you down and sort you out; yet it was so seldom that he ever shared his own feelings. I guess that was part of the problem.
Well, rest in peace Alan, you deserve it

tallus

Heard his sister on the radio, it was pretty moving I got pretty upset listening to it myself and I didn't even know the guy. R.I.P.

UU

Yeah, homophobia is a big issue that really needs to be dealt with severely. I think children in school should be educated in accepting homosexuality and many parents should also make an effort. I, myself, am gay and my family are very accepting of it (particularly because my uncle is too). I haven't told my young sister that I am but one day she came home and asked my parents what gay meant and they told her. She seemed to be able to grasp on to the concept. I plan to tell her that my self and my uncle are gay when she's a bit older.

I think rural areas tend to be quite conservative and follow the Catholic Church's teachings. For example, my uncle's friend is gay (while from the country he lives in Dublin) and he won't tell his parents that he is gay as he thinks they'd never understand. He's now around 30 and still hasn't told them.

Apparently, a high percentage of teen suicides are due to sexual orientation and the bigotry surrounding it. Anyway, I hope he now rests in peace and the family will be supported.