how does one get a restraining order sorted?

condra

Hi.

Does anyone know how one would go around getting a restraining order on somebody?

Would it mean taking them to court or simply going to the cops?
Would the process cost money?

If you got a restraining order against someone, would it basically mean they are forbidden to knowingly go within a certain distance of you?

Would it be more difficult for a guy to get a restraining order on a girl?

Id also like to ask your opinion on the notion of restraining orders.
Is it possible that getting a restraining order on a ventictive dejected x lover would make her all the more "blood thirsty".


Finally, and sorry for the long winded post, If a man was taken to court on something like a rape charge, and found innocent, would it be possible to sue the girl for damages?

Is threatening to sue someone for a rape which never happened a crime?

Finally, has any men experienced a fear of a psychologically unstable woman, who may be an x lover, girlfriend etc?
Is there a way to "bury the hatchet" with these messed up people? or is it just a case of letting it blow over?


Thank you very much anyone for replying.

Suaimhneach

Whoever she is, she sounds crazy. Let it blow over. She's obviously a drama queen, she'll be giving out about something different next week.

Don't know much about restraining orders, though what you said, is what I'd know,but much of that is from what we've probably seen on TV, which doesnt reflect reality that much.

Sueing for damages is a possiblity, but thats defimation [sp] of charachter you're talking about. And proving a rape didnt happen is hard. But most likely it'll blow over.

Good luck.

condra

she'll be giving out about something different next week.

Unfortunatly she has had this grudge for a few months already.

You say she is a drama queen but it stems a little deeper than that. She is obsessive and ventictive, and, as I recently discovered, completely ruthless.

I do think it will blow over, especially considering I will be avoiding this demented freak like the plague.

I never thought this would happen to me though, and I would urge men to be more aware that there are genuinly messed up women out there, and if you break their hearts, theyll do their best to make you pay.

Fortunatly she does not know my current address [at least I hope not], but unfortunatly she is, to some degree, a friend of some friends.

The reason I was considering the restraining order is in anticipation of any more trouble with her.
It would not be something I would do to try to madden her or wind her up, but rather a last resort incase she gets any more threatening.

Jesjes- thank you for taking this seriously and taking time to reply.

If anyone has been in a similar situation I would be keen to hear your views. Im sorry that I havent gone into any more detail about the situation but I think it would be best if I didnt. - perhaps a reflection on how paranoid this person has made me!

bounty

make recordings of her being crazy, could come in handy someday

billy the squid

recording someone without their knowledge is illegal in this country unfortunately. crazy I know. this law was introduced to protect crooked politicians in the 1980s

Keeping offending text messages, notes, letters, and phone records is not however illegal.

You might not be able to get a restraining order, these are usually issued only after violence has occoured. You can apply for a harassment order, you can do this by making an appointment with the court clerk at your local district court. You would be advised to hire a solicitor also.

You might also have to attend court. an intirim harassment order will be sent to this woman while you awate your court date. dont know what the waiting time is where you are, but down here in limerick it is roughly 3 weeks to a month. If this temporary order is breached between your application and the court date, this could work in your favour.

edited to correct typo

nesf

I'm going to move this to PI mate where others who might have been in similar situations might have some worthwhile advice for you.

You have my sympathy, this kind of situation is never nice to be in.

landser

womoma wrote:

Hi.

Does anyone know how one would go around getting a restraining order on somebody?

Would it mean taking them to court or simply going to the cops?
Would the process cost money?

If you got a restraining order against someone, would it basically mean they are forbidden to knowingly go within a certain distance of you?

Would it be more difficult for a guy to get a restraining order on a girl?

Id also like to ask your opinion on the notion of restraining orders.
Is it possible that getting a restraining order on a ventictive dejected x lover would make her all the more "blood thirsty".


Finally, and sorry for the long winded post, If a man was taken to court on something like a rape charge, and found innocent, would it be possible to sue the girl for damages?

Is threatening to sue someone for a rape which never happened a crime?

Finally, has any men experienced a fear of a psychologically unstable woman, who may be an x lover, girlfriend etc?
Is there a way to "bury the hatchet" with these messed up people? or is it just a case of letting it blow over?


Thank you very much anyone for replying.

1, presuming you're not married to her or living in the same house, then you have to go to the cops. orse it's the district family court. if you get the order they have to remain a certain distance from you or are restrained from going to a certain area/place

2. in theory no more difficult for a bloke to get such an order than a girl. if you are going to the cops to get it, they may treat you as a bit of a wuss however.

3. as for the fact that she's a vindictive ex lover... i presume that that is the reason for it... don't quite know what you mean here

4. if one falsely charge someone with rape, youcan't sue you for defamation as the report to the cops and the evidence in court is priveleged. but they could be charged wit wasting police time, for falsely reporting a rape and perjury if they swore up to it in court. further, you could try and sue for damages if the proceedings were clearly vexatious.

condra

Billy- thanks a million for the info. Im crap at red tape stuff.
Hopefully it wont come to that.

She has not sent me any text messages or made any obscene phone calls.
I have had a couple of wierd calls in the last few months but I think its probably unrelated.

Without going into too much detail, its more the reverse, she has made accusations of me behaving obsessively, to people in my wider circle of friends. I think most of them know she is lying, but the doubt that may be there has damaged some of my more cherished friendships.

You have my sympathy

Thank you. Ive been really upset about it.

To be honest Ive been a nervous wreck today.

Im still scared she could do something stupid, considering she is falling out with her own friends over this.

But Ive been thinking long and hard about it, and if she does one more messed up thing with the intention of harming me, or my reputation, I will almost certainly be seeking legal advise.


Thanks again to everyone for taking the time to post.

condra

Landser- thank you for that helpfull post.

Regarding the cops treating me like a wuss, Ive been treated like far worse things, by people Ive known for years, because of this girls vendetta.

Can I ask- what do you people think I should do?

Right now I think the best thing I can do is nothing, just to make sure to avoid her and hope that it blows over, or that she gets the hump with some other poor unfortunate guy I suppose.

Santa Claus

I was in a similar situation to this once and I went over to her parents house (we were both 28 at the time so she wasn't living with them) and showed them the text messages she sent me.
I calmly informed them that if she kept up this harassment she'd be hearing from my solicitor.
The parents apologised and said they would sort it out and after that I never heard another thing from her !

May or may not work in your case, but that'd be my first port of call.

rondeco

landser wrote:

1, presuming you're not married to her or living in the same house, then you have to go to the cops. orse it's the district family court. if you get the order they have to remain a certain distance from you or are restrained from going to a certain area/place

2. in theory no more difficult for a bloke to get such an order than a girl. if you are going to the cops to get it, they may treat you as a bit of a wuss however.

3. as for the fact that she's a vindictive ex lover... i presume that that is the reason for it... don't quite know what you mean here

4. if one falsely charge someone with rape, youcan't sue you for defamation as the report to the cops and the evidence in court is priveleged. but they could be charged wit wasting police time, for falsely reporting a rape and perjury if they swore up to it in court. further, you could try and sue for damages if the proceedings were clearly vexatious.

As you are not living together you cannot get any orders under the domestic vioence act such as protection order o safety order. There are two routes you can take. One is to visit a solicitor and through civil law apply for a restraining order. Going on what you have said she has been doing, It could be tricky unless she starts to issue direct threats to her. Option 2 is to report her to the gardai. You can make a complaint of harrasment which is a breach of criminal law and the gardai will investigate this. You can ask the gardai to simply warn her as to her behaviour and any further breaches will result in a court case. Also record every single event that happens between the two of you. That does not mean sticking a tape recorder in her face but get a diary and write down the day date, time and place and exactly what was said by her and you. If it ever comes to court, judges are always very impressed by this. It shows the true extent of harrassment.
hope it helps

dudara

Santa Claus wrote:

I was in a similar situation to this once and I went over to her parents house (we were both 28 at the time so she wasn't living with them) and showed them the text messages she sent me.
I calmly informed them that if she kept up this harassment she'd be hearing from my solicitor.
The parents apologised and said they would sort it out and after that I never heard another thing from her !

May or may not work in your case, but that'd be my first port of call.

That's a pretty tactful way of handling it. Getting a restraining order is an extreme measure. It probably would be best to exhaust every other avenue first.

condra

Thanks everyone. Im chuffed you have all been so helpfull.
Im feeling much better today. I was a nervous wreck yesterday [because of the events of the night before].

Ive no idea where she lives or if she lives with her paents but she is in her mid 30s so Im not sure the parent route would apply as well here. In other similar cases though, I think that would be a great idea.

Ron- I have taken note of everything which has happened when Ive seen her, but unfortunatly I cant account for what she has, and may have said to people about me.

Apart from freaking out at me on a couple of social occassions, she hasnt harassed me over the phone or at my address. The problem really is the lies she is spreading about me, and one very messed up threat she made recently. If things develop any more though I will be going to the gardai.

For the meanwhile Im hoping things will blow over. Ive been t in contact with some of our mutual friends, most of whom have told me that it is common knowledge she is spreading lies in a bid for vengence, and that my good reputation hasnt been tarnished. Im just glad she is so outwardly messed up, otherwise someone might take her seriously.

Hagar

billy the squid wrote:

recording someone without their knowledge is illegal in this country unfortunately.

Not altogether true. It is legal to record a telephone conversation between two parties provided at least one of them is aware it is being recorded. For instance think of all the ads saying "calls may be monitored for security and or training purposes"

I don't know if that's any help but if it's got to that stage you should already be taking professional legal advice and documenting all contact with the other party.

nesf

womoma wrote:

The problem really is the lies she is spreading about me, and one very messed up threat she made recently.

I was in a similar position once. There's not a whole lot you can do. Personally I just refuted anything I heard back and offered evidence and let the person choke on their own lies. Which did happen eventually (It took about 4-6 months).

It depends on how intelligent the person in question is though and whether there's more than one. Eventually though, if she keeps making accusations and such people will cop onto this. Well, sometimes anyways.

It really is not a good position to be in but personally I would advocate cutting all possible contact with the person. Confronting them will just give them ammunition to use with their next batch of lies. If they take it far enough that you can take legal action then do, but usually these people know how much they can and cannot say. Unfortunately.

condra

You hit the nail on the head there mate. I think she is going to get herself in more trouble than anything else. Most of our mutual friends dont have time for her any more.

billy the squid

Hagar wrote:

Not altogether true. It is legal to record a telephone conversation between two parties provided at least one of them is aware it is being recorded. For instance think of all the ads saying "calls may be monitored for security and or training purposes"

I don't know if that's any help but if it's got to that stage you should already be taking professional legal advice and documenting all contact with the other party.

that is why they tell you calls may be recorded, both parties have to be aware of it. if only one party needed to be aware, then they wouldnt bother telling you as one party would be aware that the calls were being recorded.

athena 2000

womoma wrote:

You hit the nail on the head there mate. I think she is going to get herself in more trouble than anything else. Most of our mutual friends dont have time for her any more.

She'll be falling into the pit she's dug with her mouth fairly soon. I'd stay away from all contact with her like you've been doing, and don't talk about her to mutual friends or acquaintances that could "stir the pot" or keep something circulating. Let it die. It's good you've armed yourself with some information. Hope the situation ends soon for you.

landser

billy the squid wrote:

that is why they tell you calls may be recorded, both parties have to be aware of it. if only one party needed to be aware, then they wouldnt bother telling you as one party would be aware that the calls were being recorded.

How could it be illegal to record a conversation if the recorder is a prty to that conversation. Even if they're not party to it, how could one be prosecuted. if i'm in a pub and i record overheard converstaions, name the law that'll prosecute me for it. We're not talking about phone tapping here. The gardai and PI's use hidden mics all the time. Such evidence may not be admissable in court (another day's work), but it isn't illegal to make the recording

chuci

iv been in this situation before with an ex boyfriend didnt have to take e restraining order out on him though. feel free to pm me and ill tell you what i do know.

chuci

if not then just keep a diary and record what the incidents were.keep texts (if its appicable). keep as far away as possible from her which i know you are intending to do . but if she is as crazy as you said she was it might be hard for you to shake her off.

Victor

Talk to a solicitor or www.flac.ie

You could investigate a safety order. http://www.oasis.gov.ie/relationships/separation_divorce/barring_safety_and_protection_orders.html?search=barring

landser

Victor wrote:

Talk to a solicitor or www.flac.ie

You could investigate a safety order. http://www.oasis.gov.ie/relationships/separation_divorce/barring_safety_and_protection_orders.html?search=barring

safety or barring orders only apply if they're married or living together

condra

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to post, and that lovely person who PMd me.

Im gonna stay out of her way and try not to get into a war of words involving our mutual friends. Hopefully it will be grand. I also heard she is moving to a different part of Dublin anyway, which is great news.

Ive learned a huge lesson though from this experience!
People should be carefull who they get involved with.
Sleeping with someone you dont care for or respect is a bad idea, apart from being shallow and not cool.
Telling people details about your sex life is also idiotic, especially if the person youre referring to might find out.. and happens to be a psychopathic coke-head ruthless man hater.

So there you have it, I do have a certain part to play in all this.
But for having a big mouth, I dont deserve malicous rumours and menacing threats.

Zombrex

landser wrote:

How could it be illegal to record a conversation if the recorder is a prty to that conversation.

It is illegal to record a telephone converstation if the other person does not know the converstation is being recorded. This is a quite common law found all over the world.

My advice to the OP is anytime psycho bitch rings you up simply say "Hold on love, just got to let you know this converstation is being recorded. If ya don't like it hang up now ... ok, continue..."

That should shut her up pronto.

If you are worried she is going to take legal action against you you really should be talking to a solicitor or the Gardi first. It will look much better if she does if you have already documented what has been going on and informed the police of the situation.

condra

It will look much better if she does if you have already documented what has been going on and informed the police of the situation.

never really thought of it that way. I might just go over to the local copshop and have a word.

Would it be that simple though?
I mean- -Asking at the desk if I could discuss something with a guard?

the_syco

A pre-emptive strike may be a good idea. IE: tell the Gardai about her, before she tells her lies to the Gardai, about you.

landser

Wicknight wrote:

It is illegal to record a telephone converstation if the other person does not know the converstation is being recorded. This is a quite common law found all over the world.

.

show me where, in Ireland, as that is the relevant jurisdiction, that this is ILLEGAL. I think you are getting confused between admissability and illegality.
Do you honestly believe that if i record a conversation between me and a friend or even an associate that i can be charged with making an illegal recording. Once again, i ask you to show me the provision that makes the recording of a conversation without the agreement of both/all parties thereto illegal.

OP, sorry for hijacking your post slightly

patsyjoe

You cannot record a telephone conversation or any order conversation without first informing the other person that the conversation is being recorded. The other person MUST know that they are being recorded.

For ex. as said already 'calls made be recorded for training purposes'. When you walk into a shop 'CCTV in operation'. Everybody is know aware of a recording device and so whatever is said is admissable evidence.

Harassment is a very hard case to prove unless the harassee has all the relevant dates and times etc. of interactions with the harasser. As the other posters mentioned attention to detail is vital.

The Gardai don't give out any type of restraining orders etc. You must make all the relevant applications to the courts (or your solicitor). It is only if you are successful in obtaining a court order and she then breaches said order that the Gardai get involved. You are not in a 'Domestic Violence Situation'.

Hope this helps.

Silverfish

Please don't drag up 4 year old threads. Thank you.