How 'straight up' are you with people?

shakenbake

I'm curious to know ... because why does it seem we'd rather beat around the bush, not call people, ignore them, avoid them or generally otherwise hurt their feelings in a prolonged outcome rather than just say something like 'look you're a really nice guy/girl, you're just not my type'. Finished!

It's something I've been guilty of in many different ways over the years and I know my lack of conviction has certainly caused alot of confusion and hurt to people in the past.

This year, I have decided to be brutally honest with girl friends about how I'm feeling about things, so at least they're not left guessing. I've found the looks of surprises to be down right astonishing ... but ya know I feel seriously better for being brutally honest with them. I now can't understand why so many of us shy away from this approach. How do you fare?

Setun

I wouldn't be straight-up with anyone unless I was certainly sure that's how I felt. And even then I'd backout of telling them the whole story. I'm weak
I know it has the potential of hurting them more in the long run but I can't directly cause 'hurt' to somebody. Honesty in the right places, imo.

Crucifix

I try to be nice about things, but I'm generally honest. I do hate having to do it sometimes though, and can be a huge procrastinator about it on occasion.

BeardyGit

Say it like it is. Don't hold back, just don't be deliberately cruel. I'm fed up with people mincing words instead of just saying what they have to say and getting on with the business of the day - In both work and personal life situations.

I know many don't really like to be confronted with what someone else sees as the truth. And it's important to consider that your assessment of any given situation could be wrong or just not fit with others. But by saying it like you see it, you give them *your* honest take on things - Without the nonsense. They can either take it and accept that it's how you see it, or leave it and decide your opinion doesn't matter.

If it's the latter, then I'm not interested in what they think. If my input, in so much as it's honest, is not appreciated then they're not the kind of people I want to deal with anyway. And if they genuinely had no interest in hearing my opinion on something, they've just been wasting my time by asking for input in the first place. Either way, you owe them nothing.

This is really a cultural thing I guess. In Germany for example, you'll NEVER get away with verbal dross. You're either straight up with people or you're seen as weak. And I guess that's not really a bad thing at all.....

Just my take on it, and you did ask!

Gil

Steve_o

Generally i let people know straight away if they're out of line!

Dades

Of course it's easier to ignore calls or texts than to confront. Some people (ahem) will avoid confrontation at all costs hoping eventually that person will go away. There shouldn't be a problem with being honest as long as you're not too honest.

But then again some people will wig out and make an unnecessary scene...

Kell

Straight up is the only way to go. Everyone knows where they stand and there is no confusion and no one gets hurt.

If they do, their tough. They have other issues to sort out.

On another note, most people dont like open honesty and are usually offended by it. Look at how many people get defensive on PI's if someone replies that an OP is a soically inept muppet, even when it is blatantly obvious.

K-

smiles

Straight up.

Also tends to offend people, generally results in the "what? no, i didn't mean that", but gets it out of the way.

Crubeens

I used to be over sensitive, and found it hard to hear the brutal truth about myself. This made me grow up very concious of other people's feelings, and in a bid not to hurt them would always be very diplomatic in telling them how if feel.

In the main this has worked for me, maybe because I'm articulate enough to get my point across without causing offence. But over the last year or so I've realised that I've avoided certain important confrontations because there was no easy way of telling the other person how if truly felt.

Now that I'm making a concerted effort to be brutally honest when the situation demands it, I've realised two things:
1. The world doesn;t collapse around my feet when I'm straight up with someone - nor do I get punched
2. I feel like I'm being so much more true to myself, and see myself as a more honest person, and hope that other people see me in the same light.

I have to admit though, that many 'brutally honest' people are only like that because they can be no other way, and can be very critical (jealous?) of people who are able to soften their words, and so get a better reaction.

Dave!

I wouldn't be straight up if I thought that it'd upset the person or offend them... If I was breaking up with them because I didn't find them attractive or something (just an eg.), then I'd think of a different excuse and use that. There is no benefit really in telling them the truth in that situation, it'd only upset them.