why does he lie about silly little things

LegacyUser

my husband went out last week to our local pub and said he went back to a house for a few drinks after but i found a ticket for a nightclub
Why does he lie about something silly
Do you think he is cheating

Beruthiel

Unreg458985 wrote:

Why does he lie about something silly

we don't know
why don't you ask him?

Zulu

Unreg458985 wrote:

my husband went out last week to our local pub and said he went back to a house for a few drinks after but i found a ticket for a nightclub
Why does he lie about something silly
Do you think he is cheating

Why do you lie about silly little things? Why do ewe all lie about silly little things? Perhaps he's having an affair; perhaps he's afraid you'd be upset he when to a nightclub; perhaps he's covering for a friend thats having an affair.

You lie. He lies. I lie. We all lie.

tosh_thedude

Unreg458985 wrote:

my husband went out last week to our local pub and said he went back to a house for a few drinks after but i found a ticket for a nightclub
Why does he lie about something silly
Do you think he is cheating

Was the ticket dated? He could have went to the club and then to the house, some guys have the habit of not telling ever little detail about there night. You seem to have trust Issues with your Husband and If u do then u really need to speak with him. If his behaviors changed over the past few weeks then I'll be suss, but unless you talk to him you'll never know. If he gets angry and doesn't want to talk then you have a problem, and he's more than lightly got something to hide.

LegacyUser

This is going to be a muddled up reply, but I will do my best to have it make sense.

Soemtimes I moan at my boyfriend if he's out real late and I am not there. Just sometimes (seriously, I am not a mega nag!)
Its just that I am probabaly jealous that I couldn't go, or that I am worried that some drop dead gorgeous girl will make the moves on him while I am tucked up in bed.
Its ridiculous, because I know I have nothing to worry about, or be jealous about, its totally irrational, but still I complain.

Anyhows, when I go out, and I have said, "ah I am just going for one" and next thing you know its 3 am and I am just leaving the nghtclub.

So what happens?? Lying.

Not lying because you have been up to anything bold, but lying because of my own double standards, like me moaning at him when he steers off his plan to be home at 12, and me having the neck to do what I complain about.

I am probabaly not coming off very well in this post, I am just saying, maybe he lied because he didn't want you to give out to him, or to get paranoid etc.

My BF told me a few lil whites back in the early days, about who was out, or where they ended up. Silly stuff, when you would be better off telling the truth, but instead in your mixed up head you think a lil white lie would be best, as you didn't really do anything wrong in the first place.

Ah, I am probably making ZERO sense! SORRY!

Zulu

tosh_thedude wrote:

If he gets angry and doesn't want to talk then you have a problem, and he's more than lightly got something to hide.

...or else he might be having a bad day; or else he took offence to the fact you don't trust him; or else he didn't like the accusitory tone you've adopted...
There could be a million reasons why he might get angry, but thanks anyway. Lets just all jump to the conclusion he's having an affair. The man went to a night club, and told a little porky. ffs people.

Pigman II

Unreg458985 wrote:

my husband went out last week to our local pub and said he went back to a house for a few drinks after but i found a ticket for a nightclub

Oh you 'found' it did you? Where was it , lying on the floor I presume?

Why does he lie about something silly

Probably because you're the kind of person who always makes a big deal out of nothing eg...
.

Do you think he is cheating

Yes. Why don't you set a private eye on him.

Cabaal

there obviously seems to be trust issues here,
- Your posting here asking is he cheating
- you found a ticket, how did you find it did you search for it?

Maybe its because you don't trust him that he feels the need not to tell you every little thing that he does because he's afraid you'll get all paranoid

LegacyUser

he phoned me to say he was goin to his brothers house and he would be back in an hour

i found the ticket on the floor the next morning i didnt say anythint to him and just asked what he got up to just said he went back to the house nothing else

I dont mind him going out at all anywhere he knows that so i dont understand why he lied its just upsetting me

Zulu

Unreg458985 wrote:

he phoned me to say he was goin to his brothers house and he would be back in an hour

Well there you have it. He didn't want to say he was going to a night club and be back in 3 hours, cause he didn't want to get it in the neck. ...or perhaps he was going to his brother house, but whoever he was out with changed their mind, and wanted to go to a night club, and instead of ringing you back to update you, he figured - whats the difference.


...or else he was in the pub haveing a drink chatting up some strumpet. He figured he was in there, so he suggested going to a night club. At that point he excused himself to go the the bathroom, and rang you, saying he was going to his brothers. Then he went back in and brought this cute little tart out to the night club and proceeded to have his wicked way...

He's your husband - what sounds more likely?

The Corinthian

Perhaps he did go with the intention of going to his brothers house. Perhaps he even made it there. And perhaps all involved changed their minds and decided to go to a club instead.

Or were you expecting a bunch of lads on the piss to behave in a consistent manner?

ferdi

maybe he wouldnt feel he needed to lie if his wife didnt go through his pockets?

LegacyUser

i didnt go through his pocket i found it on the floor the next morning when i was cleaning the house

Cabaal

ferdi wrote:

maybe he wouldnt feel he needed to lie if his wife didnt go through his pockets?

If you bothered to read the thread you'd know she found the ticket on the floor

hullaballoo

Hold on a minute there lads. Pigman II and Zulu, will you STFU, this is supposed to be a helpful forum.

Zulu wrote:

Why do you lie about silly little things? Why do ewe all lie about silly little things? Perhaps he's having an affair; perhaps he's afraid you'd be upset he when to a nightclub; perhaps he's covering for a friend thats having an affair.

You lie. He lies. I lie. We all lie.

There's plenty of room in the philosophy boards for this kind of stuff. I'm sure the OP would like something other than to be told; 'well yes, he might be having an affair, but then again he might not'. I mean, it's not wonderland and it's not your place to play the Cheshire Cat.

Pigman II wrote:

Probably because you're the kind of person who always makes a big deal out of nothing

Long-term acquaintance of OP are we? Made a quick and ill-informed judgement-call did we?

Just the same as almost every thread in PI, there's a recurring theme of "follow the leader" in here. Just because one person says; 'you're overreacting' the chorus ensues: 'you're overreacting', 'she's overreacting' and 'why don't you just chillax?'

This woman is married. To her husband.

OP, if you want to find out why he said he was in his brothers and why, then, you found a ticket for a nightclub, then ask him. You're not overreacting, I'd be curious too. (In fact, my girlfriend tells me white lies all of the time, and for four years it has concerned me. But to be honest, it's just a habit with her to understate her nights out. So now, if she's being honest, I get concerned. Not that that's a good way to run a relationship, it just works for me.) But seriously, there's an explanation owed and if you're in a committed relationship (of which, to the best of my knowledge, marriage is generally considered one), then you have a right to hear it.

Zombrex

Pigman II wrote:

Probably because you're the kind of person who always makes a big deal out of nothing eg...

She is not making a big deal out if it, thats the point .. she hasn't said anything to him.

To the OP, leave all the tickets on the kitchen table for him to find when he comes in. Don't say anything to him but see what his reaction is.

Pigman II

hullaballoo wrote:

Hold on a minute there lads. Pigman II and Zulu, will you STFU, this is supposed to be a helpful forum.

And how exactly is that supposed to be helpful to this thread either?

Made a quick and ill-informed judgement-call did we?

Not really. Besides my statement being pre-qualified with the word 'probably' the only evidence she's given about her attitude to her hubby (one way or) the other is grounded in suspicion and overreaction. He goes out one night and is (possibly) caught out in a white lie so therefore in her mind it's possible he's having an affair. :rolleyes:

Just the same as almost every thread in PI, there's a recurring theme of "follow the leader" in here. Just because one person says; 'you're overreacting' the chorus ensues: 'you're overreacting', 'she's overreacting' and 'why don't you just chillax?'

So just because a bunch of people are saying the same thing and it's not what you personally agree with they are all just 'following the leader'? Cop yourself on.

This woman is married. To her husband.

And yet she has suspicions he's having an affair with absolutely no proof. Sounds really solid to me.

Zulu

hullaballoo wrote:

Hold on a minute there lads. Pigman II and Zulu, will you STFU, this is supposed to be a helpful forum.

Excuse me? STFU?? I am being helpfull numbnuts. :rolleyes: What would you consider helpful? - You husbands having an affair? We know nothing about these people, and the only facts we know are he said he was going to his brothers when it appears he went to a nightclub.
For all we know, he could have been in a bar/night club. Gone from the bar into the nightclub, decided it was crap, decided to go back to his brothers, ring his wife to say he was on his way back to his brothers and would be home in an hour. And did as much.

hullaballoo wrote:

There's plenty of room in the philosophy boards for this kind of stuff. I'm sure the OP would like something other than to be told; 'well yes, he might be having an affair, but then again he might not'. I mean, it's not wonderland and it's not your place to play the Cheshire Cat.

:rolleyes: I'm suggesting the op may be overreacting, but only she'd know best. What exactly is your input?

hullaballoo wrote:

Long-term acquaintance of OP are we? Made a quick and ill-informed judgement-call did we?

I did neither, but you seem to have me wrapped up in a nice little box. Hypocritical aren't we?

hullaballoo wrote:

Just the same as almost every thread in PI, there's a recurring theme of "follow the leader" in here. Just because one person says; 'you're overreacting' the chorus ensues: 'you're overreacting', 'she's overreacting' and 'why don't you just chillax?'

Or perhaps one person is in fact right, a mojority tend to agree?

hullaballoo wrote:

This woman is married. To her husband.

...incitful! How did I miss this nugget.

hullaballoo wrote:

You're not overreacting, I'd be curious too.

Not overreacting is being curious. Overreacting is jumping to the conclusion that "he is cheating".

Thanks for your input though - all points of view are welcome here.

LegacyUser

thanks hullaballoo its not like i don't agree with him going out i actually think it is better for a relationship if we have a seperate night with our friends each week it gives us something to talk about ya know i do trust him its just this little thing niggin at the back of my mind i just can't understand it. i have caught him out a few times and i just say to him its better if you tell me instead of the lies i just can't stand lies and im the type of person that knows when someone is lying
its just starting to upset me now.

mathie

A mate of mine lies in the exact same way to his girlfriend. As far as I can see there's no malice intended.

His girlfriend has said to me on a few occasions she'd prefer he said he's going to a club than 'just to the pub for a few with the lads'. She doesn't suspect him of anything just annoyed more than anything that he lies.

M

LegacyUser

thats it mathie the lies they just upset me so much i just cant understand it when i know he doesnt need to lie

WhiteWashMan

oh ignore zulu and pigman II, they are on their 'raging against women campaign' again.

it happens every time a woman says anything about a bloke. i think they are both suffering mightly from women and are now on a campaign to blame everything on a women. or maybe just mysoganistic, who knows.

anyway, for the OP, the best advice is the dvice Ruthie gave you.

ask your husband.

there are many reasons why people lie. too many to list. but if my wife told me she was going out to her brothers and then ended up in a nightclub without phoning me to tell me of the change in plans and that she would be back a lot later than expected, i would not be happy either.

not becuase i think she'd be up to something, but becuase i would get bloody worried about her safety. but thats me.

hullaballoo

You just need to address it with him, just let him know exactly how you feel about it. If he sees you're being honest with him, he might have a change of stance on how truthful he is. I know that when one of my girlfriend's lies really gets to me, and I let her know, she comes clean, just because it makes her feel worse to think that the lie she made up to make life easier for us both (in her head) has actually had the wrong effect.

Fundamentally, my girlfriend has never once told a maliscious lie so when she tells whites, I don't mind. If you believe your husband is lying to cover something up, it's very important to say to him that he needs to explain the lie.

WWM wrote:

oh ignore zulu and pigman II, they are on their 'raging against women campaign' again.

0ops, my bad.

Zulu

WhiteWashMan wrote:

oh ignore zulu and pigman II, they are on their 'raging against women campaign' again.

it happens every time a woman says anything about a bloke. i think they are both suffering mightly from women and are now on a campaign to blame everything on a women. or maybe just mysoganistic, who knows.

I'm mysoganistic, and maybe your a cretain. Maybe.
After the insults subside, my point remains. People lie. (Be they male, female, or WhiteWashed) It's human nature. I suggest trying to control the overreaction, and think about your husband. Do YOU think he's having an affair? If so is it on the ground of this little lie, or something more deep rooted?

Pigman II

WhiteWashMan wrote:

oh ignore zulu and pigman II, they are on their 'raging against women campaign' again.

Nonsense. I love women.

Gordon

Guys enough of the veiled insults and trolling, Zulu - sticking maybe around an insult is still an insult. hullaballoo - please don't tell anyone to STFU, leave that to the mods.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the replies on this i really needed some advise i just didnt know what to think.

Anyway i am going to have a chat tonight and see how it goes

xzanti

Well if were *"ME"* Id leave it somewhere he'd see it like on the kitchen counter... or pinned to the fridge so he knows that Iv unearthed it... Then let him own up to it and explain why he lied to you about where he was going.. then Id bash him over the head with the frying pan

Joking about the frying pan

WhiteWashMan

xzanti wrote:

then Id bash him over the head with the frying pan

lol

well, it would certailny make him cover his tracks better in future!

Spicy Lauren

He's a man. They all lie.
End of story

Beruthiel

Spicy Lauren wrote:

He's a man. They all lie.
End of story

bitter much?
I don't appreciate sweeping statements

WhiteWashMan

Spicy Lauren wrote:

He's a man. They all lie.
End of story

ah, now thats not true.

Spicy Lauren

No Beruthiel/WhiteWashMan. Just personal experience with men.

Even though they are lovely and I can't help loving them, I have come to the conclusion that they all lie to their girlfriend to avoid arguments.
The problem is that they don't realise that lying itself will cause more of an argument than telling the truth.

Now. What ya say?

The Corinthian

Spicy Lauren wrote:

The problem is that they don't realise that lying itself will cause more of an argument than telling the truth.

Now. What ya say?

You've never had to answer the "does my bum look big in this?" question.

Zulu

Spicy Lauren wrote:

He's a man. They all lie.
End of story

Sweeping but true. It would be a little more accurate (and sound less bitter) if you said, we all lie. It's not a sex thing, it's a people thing.

Spicy Lauren

http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi/21_dating_girl.html

WhiteWashMan

Spicy Lauren wrote:

No Beruthiel/WhiteWashMan. Just personal experience with men.

since your sweeping statement included all men, i feel fully justified in saying you are wrong, becuase you have never been with me.

so you have no idea if i lie or not.

Spicy Lauren wrote:

Even though they are lovely and I can't help loving them, I have come to the conclusion that they all lie to their girlfriend to avoid arguments.

i dont. i would rather discuss what needs to be discussed.

Spicy Lauren wrote:

The problem is that they don't realise that lying itself will cause more of an argument than telling the truth.

yes i do

Spicy Lauren wrote:

Now. What ya say?

what i said before. you are wrong.

WhiteWashMan

Spicy Lauren wrote:

http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi/21_dating_girl.html

ohhhh, why didnt you say that it says so on the internet!!!!!!!!!!!

on the other hand, just to even out the arguement, here is something that says that not all men lie....

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=50432849&postcount=32

and its on the internet, so it must be true!