Douche Dilemmas

Pighead

Pigheads loves nothing more than to hop into the shower on a cold winters night with Miss Piggy in toe. A great time is always had by all.

We've all been there,you're slipping and sliding, yelping and giggling and the cracks 90.Maybe even a bit of fooling around if you've been a good lad all week.
Then comes the tricky bit,all of a sudden you realise shes after cleaning herself all over with the soap while you were splishing and splashing and messing.Now its your turn.

When unaccompanied Pighead likes to spend a good solid 2-3 minutes scrubbing furiously at his lovely little bum.
The question is, with Miss Piggy present, do I give myself such a meticulous cleaning or should I be subtle and just lightly brush over it for a few seconds? Would you feel weird cleaning your bum in front of your kissing partner or are you of the opinion that if a woman is willing to shower with you in the first place chances are she'd be ok with you cleaning your bum in her presence. ?

scojones

I've been in that dilema before. Lightly wash it Pighead. You know, if you wiped properly after taking depositing your waste you wouldn't have to scrub for several minutes. Maybe Miss Piggy got you to go into to shower because she could smell something foul a foot?

Pighead

Unfortunately sjones Pigheads a rather hairy human being and bits and pieces tend to get tangled up here there and everywhere thus resulting in vigorous scrubbing.
You're right though buddy,gentle scrubbing seems to be the way to go.Some things are better dealt with alone.

Lafortezza

Isn't a douche something that ladies use to clean their bits?

scojones

Pighead wrote:

You're right though buddy,gentle scrubbing seems to be the way to go.Some things are better dealt with alone.

Yeah, you can be comfortable with someone, completely open - but things of this nature are better off dealt with alone.

funk-you

just give your ass a quick wash, it shouldn't really be that bad anyway Pighead. Just remember that this is the woman/miss piggy thats seen the face you make mid coitus so i doubt a little ass washing is going to disturb her too much.

Dave!

Just tell her "hey look over there!" and then scrub ferociously until she looks back Make sure you're scrubbing you, though.

What the christ

hullaballoo

Get her to do it for you.

Bard

I can't believe someone is actually asking for ADVICE here on how vigourously to wash their own arse.

:rolleyes:

Duffman

wow, boards has really gone downhill...

muckwarrior

Just bend over and ask her to give it a good scrub.

Keyzer

Bard wrote:

I can't believe someone is actually asking for ADVICE here on how vigourously to wash their own arse.

:rolleyes:

Brilliant isn't it...

Do you seriously want your bird to be present when your washing the clinkers off your arse in the shower? I mean come on, theres intimacy and then theres downright passion killers.

How would you feel if Miss Piggy shoved a bar of soap up her arse and started scrubbing like a woman possesed in front of you?

Your posts are generally funny Pighead, but this is a stupid question....

Pighead

Pighead was tired and emotional at the time of writing this pile of poo.Haven't been myself what with all thats been happening with Keano over the last week,And then Dunphy goes and calls quinn an idiot which really sent me over the edge.Getting over it all now though so you can be guaranteed there will be no more of this muck polluting your Boards.ie.

Bard

Pighead wrote:

Pighead was tired and emotional at the time of writing this pile of poo.Haven't been myself what with all thats been happening with Keano over the last week,And then Dunphy goes and calls quinn an idiot which really sent me over the edge.Getting over it all now though so you can be guaranteed there will be no more of this muck polluting your Boards.ie.

*Shakes fist and yells "THERE BETTER NOT BE!" in Homer Simpson voice*

LegacyUser

Pighead wrote:

Pigheads a rather hairy human being and bits and pieces tend to get tangled up here there.

Eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww GROSS!

WhiteWashMan

its the willy washing rituals that embarrass me!

Rcuomo

hmmm, ive noticed this before but never asked...
why does pighead refer to himself in the 3rd person? its a little bizarre and not really necessary, is it your 'thing' that marks you out from the crowd or some such?

Blisterman

Shouldn't this be in personal issues?

amazingemmet

Pighead wrote:

Unfortunately sjones Pigheads a rather hairy human being and bits and pieces tend to get tangled up here there and everywhere thus resulting in vigorous scrubbing.

Easy solution get a back, sack and crack wax and then all it'll need is a light scrub saving you the embarassment of the vigourous one.

Goodshape

Rcuomo wrote:

hmmm, ive noticed this before but never asked...
why does pighead refer to himself in the 3rd person? its a little bizarre and not really necessary, is it your 'thing' that marks you out from the crowd or some such?

This has been the subject of many a discussion. If/when you figure it out, let us know. Until then - most of us have just learnt to accept the pighead for what it is.

lafortezza wrote:

Isn't a douche something that ladies use to clean their bits?

I would take it as such, but apparently it also just means 'to shower'. I take it it's the latter definition Pighead's going for.

Shabadu

Oh dear God.

Anyhow, on the practical advice side: Tell her to turn around, and start rubbing her back. Then remove your hands and start kissing the back of her neck. Most women love this. You now have a good minute of time and two hands free. The rest is up to you.

tripper

Probably hte most embarassing thing you can ever say "ehhh, yea, ehhh a back, ehhhhh.................sack and crack please*waits for person in shop to smack him*

Clinical Waste

lafortezza wrote:

Isn't a douche something that ladies use to clean their bits?

Spot on douche-bag !:D (but only in the US)

tbh

Pighead = Billy Turdhead (or whatever he was called) tbh.

Santa Claus

Santa says that real men use those baby wipe things after dropping the kids off at the pool.
This removes the risk of entanglement in hair and thus eliminates the need for vigorous cleaning of the general arse area during daily showers !

Setun

Ah Pighead, you silly sod. You have a very unique way of looking at the universe and it's friends. I salute you!

Scarinae

amazingemmet wrote:

Easy solution get a back, sack and crack wax and then all it'll need is a light scrub saving you the embarassment of the vigourous one.

But make sure you have a good scrub before presenting yourself to the poor soul in the salon who will have to wax you

Sparky

in reflection of the poll results
once again sorry pighead :v:
http://images.sparky-s.com/various/Kitten_pighead.JPG

DonkeyStyle \o/

Fishie wrote:

But make sure you have a good scrub before presenting yourself to the poor soul in the salon who will have to wax you

Aaah now there's a mental image I could have done without