Request for advice on how to deal with a colleague

RedRules5

Yesterday evening I asked a colleague for some advice on a work related matter, along the lines of "what does such and such mean" his response was "how am i suppose to know you fu**ing ...." I don't know what he called me as he turned and walked away as he said it, but he did use the f word. This was said in all seriousness. I was stunned, and because I am not confrontational by nature said no more. He left work five minutes after. To now, the end of the next day, neither of us have said a word to each other.

My problem is I can't let him get away with talking to me like this.
Because he is the main talker in the office (of 10people) I can't very easily ignore him. There is another office at another location or I could move desks so I am further away from him and with my back to him but that just invites questions. I have not mentioned it to anybody and nobody else has commented. Becuase I am a temp and he is full time and I didn't hear exactly what he said or confront him about it at the time, I don't feel that I can take it to the boss, whom he is very friendly with.

We have had one run in before, 3 months ago, and I backed down from that after 3 days and normal interaction resumed. But this was a personal insult so I don't think I can likewise on this occasion.

whiskeyman

Seems like your busy looking for another job and have an offer already... going on your other thread here.
If so, dont bother with it... no point starting anything.
Just get out on best terms with everyone else and dont give him the satisfaction he even made an imprint on you.
Best of luck with the new job.

nesf

whiskeyman wrote:

Seems like your busy looking for another job and have an offer already... going on your other thread here.
If so, dont bother with it... no point starting anything.
Just get out on best terms with everyone else and dont give him the satisfaction he even made an imprint on you.
Best of luck with the new job.

I think that was RedPlanet. Though I could be wrong and it might be an older thread you are thinking of.

whiskeyman

nesf wrote:

I think that was RedPlanet. Though I could be wrong and it might be an older thread you are thinking of.

oops!! Nice spot nesf... I was just seeing red

hmm, thats an interesting one alright.
But I'd keep more of less with what I said.... try and avoid confrontation where possible.
If he acts in that manner and starts using sware words, just walk away.
I dont mean ignore totally here... keep communicating where needs be, but stop if he acts up. If he questions why, just say how he needs to refrain from acting in that manner.

Do you have any reason why he's acting like this towards you?
Any jealousy by any chance?
Does he act similar towards anyone else?

TempestSabre

While I can appreciate you're annoyed about it. The time to act was then, not now, especially when you've no proof and he can simply deny everything. Theres always a grumpy git, obnoxious even offensive person in every office, and you have to decide where you draw the line with their behavior. You also have to determine if theres going to be any support for you if you do something about it. Is there anyone else in the office you can ask discretely about it? How do they tollerate it. Or is this only directed at you.

Its best to be consider what the most professional, and mature approach to the problem. Always double check that the fault is not yours, or can be percieved as such. For example asking trival questions when someone else is stressed and busy with something else.

Basically its hard to give an opinion with more context and background to the situation.

the_syco

RedRules5 wrote:

"what does such and such mean" his response was "how am i suppose to know you fu**ing ...."

If you still don't know, ask someone else. If he's the only one to ask, and he replies like above again, respond by saying he should know.

AARRRGH

Wow, that's insane. I know that would really bother me.

I guess the best thing to do is to ask him if he has a problem with you, and ask him why he said this to you. Do that before you go to the boss.

tk123

Ask him again and see if he gives out to you again to make sure he wasn't stressed etc... I have to deal with people like that in my job and usually if you stand up to them they'll give you more respect. Don't get into a slagging match or anything just tell them you don't have to take crap like that and you're going to talk to your boss!

vibrant

Very tricky one!

What was it you were looking for advice on? Let's say it was Widgits. Send him an e-mail with "Widgits" as the subject and say something along the lines of "I've found out what such and such means, but I just want say that I didn't like the response you gave me when I approached me the other day to ask about them."

I've been on both the giving and recieving end of these kind of emails. They are handy because they address the issue in writing, without having to approach the HR Department. However, if things escalate, you've got a written record of any incidents, abusive or otherwise.