What should I do?

LegacyUser

A Long story shortened for obvious reasons!

Boy and girl meet in college at 18.
Stay together for 4.5 years.
Both fall in love.
Never an argument or fall out in relationship.
After 4.5 years, girl finishes college, moves into flat and gets a new job.
Boy only sees her some weekends.

Time goes by, seems to be getting comfortable.
She ends the relationship.
Boy reacts badly, gets very lonely.
Asks her to explain why or how it happened.
Gets told that she felt they would have broken up anyway, that it ran its course and that she wasn’t in love with him anymore. Missed me but that wasn’t enough.
The boy only half got the picture, and anytime they bumped into one another, couldn’t help but go down the “how you doing without me” road.
Both new the fun of the relationship was going, but the boy was more content with that then the girl, he loved her and I supposed felt he needed her in his life.

Time has past a fair bit now, no conversation or reunion between both persons.
The boy has got the full picture, but thinks it’s a shame they don’t talk.
On occasions the boy wants to pick up the phone and say “can we be mates, I don’t want to fall out with the first person I ever loved and in a way still love her, I don’t want you hating me”.
But the boy knows that he’ll probably get a cold or short response, and probably may learn that there is somebody else in her life.
He’s been tempted to pick up the phone and wanting to reminisce, laugh and joke with his now ex girl, he wants that feeling back but he knows neither his heart will be in it nor hers will definitely not be in it.
Confused as to how someone can be in love to not wanting to even talk to that person ever again, even though he knows she is probably doing it because in the long run it will be easy.
He hates to look back on the last 5 years or so as a waste of time.
Tries to focus on other stuff in his life but just isn’t interested. Wants to be interested but just isn’t and is fed up feeling like that.
Doesn’t know what to do?

dundalk cailin

you were together for such a long time startin at 18, u need to get out there and enjoy singledom, hard as this is, u have to. she is prob tryin to cut contact cos it'd be so easy to fall back in to something even when u both know it's run its course

Dizzyblabla

not one argument in 4.5 years? I don't believe it! Did you just agree with everything she said, or did you tell her what to do at all times? Either way, surely that must have gotten boring....
back on topic, it's quite natural to miss what you had and want to talk about it, but just think of all the things that are happening right now, or that can happen in the future that you might miss out on, purely because you're stuck in the past... You just gotta move Onwards and Upwards!

LadyJ

I think it's much to hard to be friends with someone you love/loved. I know I can't do it because it's too painful but it works for some people.
There's too much jealousy in me to do it though.

I don't really have any advice for you OP because everyone is different when it comes to these things. Just make sure that you are over her before you try to be friends again because otherwise you're just trying to hold on to something that isn't there anymore and that won't do you any good.

AllMessedUp

I mite as well copy and paste your entire question aprat from a few minor differences.I know though I'll never call her but Id love to have those comversations again. I havent seen her in ages, I wouldnt know what to expect. She could walk on by or stop and do the 'hi how are you' chat. I want to let go but I cant.
maybe it is true that to get oever someone you must get under another, or at least make an attempt to. I acted irrational after breakup, begging for her back etc(even listened to her voicemail - stupid I know), then I just stopped, went to apologise for not getting the msg and doing what I did. Got a bad response (dont really blame her). Found out she went on a foreign holiday with some girl she only knew a couple of months and that broke my heart all over again. Anyhow I pushed myself to do mad things to help me over it. Ive done some outrageous stuff to get over it, things I thought I'd never do, things that some fellas dream about but still all I can think of is her and what we were like. Still feel lonely though, want that feeling back with her.

Its crappy alrite, but Id say give it more time and things will just sort itself out (fingers crossed).

LegacyUser

I wanna ring my x girlfriend right now, always wanted what we used to have back again. I cry almost every night and for a guy thats 27 its not right it cant be. hope you dont turn out like me. we broke up a year this Christmas and I havent recovered.

Wish you luck you will need it. When you love somebody and your heart gets broken, and when they turn into the most nastiest people when you are around, you experience the worst feeling in your life.

Im bitter,jealous,lonely,hurt,scared and insecure. dont end up like me.

dundalk cailin

your going thru a tough time, i sypathise with u. basically this girl has been part of your life for the best part of 10 years, thats gonna be tough to get over. are your friends supportive?

LegacyUser

dundalk cailin wrote:

your going thru a tough time, i sypathise with u. basically this girl has been part of your life for the best part of 10 years, thats gonna be tough to get over. are your friends supportive?

not 10 years, nearly 5 more like.
Friends are supportive, in a sense that they tell me to f**k up if i mention it. I always want to talk about it, I always think of her.
It is like someone died and replaced her with this b*tch.
I miss our little chats I miss my friend and I miss being happy.
Maybe a trip to the Docs and some happy pils are the only way.
Dont mean to be flipant there but IM not progressing too well.
Its like my whole world caved in, I've been punished for doing nothing wrong! Apologies for acting so depressing and using selfsorrow but I just want it back. I dont want her back I want IT back

Bluetonic

dundalk cailin wrote:

basically this girl has been part of your life for the best part of 10 years

??

AllMessedUp

Its been a little while now since my ex girlfriend broke it off. I think (I just have this funny feeling) she is with somebody else and its eating away at me still. I miss her so much, I wish I could be happy for her really I do but it f^ckin hurts badly. I dont understand why she would want to be without me or with somebody else after all we had together. Ive been with random people here and there since, done the whole one night stand stuff but its still the same. I wish I could move on. I cant even talk to my ex Id say she'd run a mile.I do hope she is happy but I hope I can be happy too. Yeah its sh!t to be honest. Im still wondering why.

Nala

It's threads like this that make me glad I've given up on relationships...
They just aren't worth it.

dundalk cailin

sorry i was readin known guys response as yours, thinkin u were 27, sorry!

LegacyUser

AllMessedUp wrote:

Its been a little while now since my ex girlfriend broke it off. I think (I just have this funny feeling) she is with somebody else and its eating away at me still. I miss her so much, I wish I could be happy for her really I do but it f^ckin hurts badly. I dont understand why she would want to be without me or with somebody else after all we had together. Ive been with random people here and there since, done the whole one night stand stuff but its still the same. I wish I could move on. I cant even talk to my ex Id say she'd run a mile.I do hope she is happy but I hope I can be happy too. Yeah its sh!t to be honest. Im still wondering why.

If i saw that i would die

AllMessedUp

Mr Unreg wrote:

If i saw that i would die

Yeah i know. I try to avoid thinking of it. If shes happy then shes happy. Thought we were soul mates blah blah blah etc... Now she probably has a new guy, probably scared of me,feeling sorry for me etc. Dont want that dont want any of it

Dax Wax

What should you do?

Weather the storm becas thats what iv been told to do. It will just take TIME , I hate that word! PM all the single women here on boards, I bet there is a good bunch of decent girls out there!

On a serious note I hope you will do okay, and basically I hope you enjoy life. I think its time to be happy and life live becas every day it slips away, TIME moves on it never stops etc

Its hard, trust me I know i am still going through it but Im sick to death with feelin low so Im not going to anymore, if it means makin a complete fool out of myself I will to enjoy life

best of luck

LegacyUser

I don't know if you ever saw the thread i posted up a couple of months ago. I had it deleted anyway. I also had a very difficult breakup. My fiancee left me after numerous years. I took it very badly obviously. I'm a good hard working guy etc, etc, but I guess these things just happen. I still have bad days but you do have to think positively. I think filling your life with new experiences and new people is very important. Remember no one falls in love with one particular person. That would be crazy. You fall in love with a particular type of person. There are loads of other girls that you can fall in love with out there. Just get into the habit of good thinking pattern, thats the only thing that helped me. Read books like the power of your subconscience mind, being happy, etc. They do put you into a better frame of mind. I actually bumps into her with her new fella alot of weekends. That is tough, but I'm not letting that stop me. She did the dirt on me, it's her that should feel ashamed not me. Its not easy, but it's only you that have to go through life. It's only you that can make yourself happy. Don't depend on someone else to make you happy. Start to love yourself first and enjoy life. You enjoyed life up to before you met her didn't you? Once you start being happy, bubbly, smile, laugh, take pride in yourself, you will attract the right person into your life. You will have good energy. If you show bad energy, you will just repel people. I hope I'm making sense to you. Everyone has crosses to carry, and I'm telling you there are some people with gigantic ones who have really high spirits. You have to admire those people and they're the people that will be very happy.

All the best
You are not alone

LegacyUser

gettingOverIt wrote:

I don't know if you ever saw the thread i posted up a couple of months ago. I had it deleted anyway. I also had a very difficult breakup. My fiancee left me after numerous years. I took it very badly obviously. I'm a good hard working guy etc, etc, but I guess these things just happen. I still have bad days but you do have to think positively. I think filling your life with new experiences and new people is very important. Remember no one falls in love with one particular person. That would be crazy. You fall in love with a particular type of person. There are loads of other girls that you can fall in love with out there. Just get into the habit of good thinking pattern, thats the only thing that helped me. Read books like the power of your subconscience mind, being happy, etc. They do put you into a better frame of mind. I actually bumps into her with her new fella alot of weekends. That is tough, but I'm not letting that stop me. She did the dirt on me, it's her that should feel ashamed not me. Its not easy, but it's only you that have to go through life. It's only you that can make yourself happy. Don't depend on someone else to make you happy. Start to love yourself first and enjoy life. You enjoyed life up to before you met her didn't you? Once you start being happy, bubbly, smile, laugh, take pride in yourself, you will attract the right person into your life. You will have good energy. If you show bad energy, you will just repel people. I hope I'm making sense to you. Everyone has crosses to carry, and I'm telling you there are some people with gigantic ones who have really high spirits. You have to admire those people and they're the people that will be very happy.

All the best
You are not alone

great advice.sad story.whatever you do dont turn to the drink as some guys seem to do.go mad in a healthy and sane way.got to push yourselves.I miss my man but he's history now and I dont study history!!!!!!!!!

LegacyUser

like the OP, was in a similar situation myself, though i never went out with the girl as she was seeing someone, who was away all summer. said she would break up with him when he came back, slept with me (no sex), broke up with him the following week when he came back. blanked me ever since and started going out with someone else and is talking to moving away next summer with this fella. although nothing happened. i felt she was as everyone else is saying on this forum, more or less the one. other than physical activity, which im sure both of us wanted (shes hot), we got on absolutely great and now i feel gutted were barely on speaking terms. as i said, shes planning on moving far far away, so thinking to get on with my life and move abroad as well. but want to try and work something out and see if we can make things happen the way they should have went

cheekyass

its really awful to break up with a long time partner and not be in contact. i know its not the exact same situation but...i broke up with my b/f of 2yrs just over a yr ago now. i felt that he'd gotten too comfortable and we had gotten into a steady routine. we had a couple of issues which were the cause of us finishing,i was gutted but i felt i had no other choice. as much as i loved and still cared for him it was too hard for me to be friends with him. i resented him for "taking our relationship for granted" and for getting into a routine, even now, a yr later, i know how he still feels for me but ive moved on, and its too hard to try and be friends with him BECAUSE i know he wants more then that, and i dont want to hurt him by rejecting him. i hope this helps somehow.

AARRRGH

OP -

I know exactly how you feel. I love all my ex's like sisters now.

There are one or two who don't want to stay in touch. This really saddens me. But I have to respect their choice.

There is nothing you can do. Ringing her more will just push her away.

Just let it be. Maybe with time you'll become friends.

NoDayBut2Day

*hugs*

I know it's hard to move on; I just recently got over a relationship and it was one of the hardest things to let go of. Believe it or not, you might find it better for the "healing" process when she's not around to see you everyday. I see my ex everyday and even though we're still "friends", it can get kinda sad sometimes, knowing that what we had will never be again.

I don't know if this is any help at all, because I know you said you wished you could be friends, but perhaps the distance is something that will help you heal.

Take care.

WhiteWashMan

Mr Unreg wrote:

Time has past a fair bit now, no conversation or reunion between both persons.
The boy has got the full picture, but thinks it’s a shame they don’t talk.
On occasions the boy wants to pick up the phone and say “can we be mates, I don’t want to fall out with the first person I ever loved and in a way still love her, I don’t want you hating me”.
But the boy knows that he’ll probably get a cold or short response, and probably may learn that there is somebody else in her life.
He’s been tempted to pick up the phone and wanting to reminisce, laugh and joke with his now ex girl, he wants that feeling back but he knows neither his heart will be in it nor hers will definitely not be in it.
Confused as to how someone can be in love to not wanting to even talk to that person ever again, even though he knows she is probably doing it because in the long run it will be easy.
He hates to look back on the last 5 years or so as a waste of time.
Tries to focus on other stuff in his life but just isn’t interested. Wants to be interested but just isn’t and is fed up feeling like that.
Doesn’t know what to do?

boy has to realise that the only reason he still wants to be incontact with girl is becuase he still feels for her and is sitll grasping at straws in a vain attampt to get a connection.

boy needs to realise that its over, she is with someone else, she was probably thinking aobut someone else when the relationship ended, and that she no longer thinks about boy as anything more than a fond memory.

boy needs to pick up his life and do something useful and stop pining over girl like a pathetic lost puppy.

AllMessedUp

cheekyass wrote:

its really awful to break up with a long time partner and not be in contact. i know its not the exact same situation but...i broke up with my b/f of 2yrs just over a yr ago now. i felt that he'd gotten too comfortable and we had gotten into a steady routine. we had a couple of issues which were the cause of us finishing,i was gutted but i felt i had no other choice. as much as i loved and still cared for him it was too hard for me to be friends with him. i resented him for "taking our relationship for granted" and for getting into a routine, even now, a yr later, i know how he still feels for me but ive moved on, and its too hard to try and be friends with him BECAUSE i know he wants more then that, and i dont want to hurt him by rejecting him. i hope this helps somehow.

i resented him for "taking our relationship for granted" and for getting into a routine

what? takes 2 to tango. If you got into a routine, maybe you should of suggested that to him or talked about it. I think my ex was on similar lines. In her own mind she felt it was getting routine for a few months, but I didnt even get a hint. Eventually when i did get one, I went to end it (didnt want to at all but I felt she was losing interest, and wanted to test the waters). She cried her eyes out, gave me reasurrance things were okay. For 5/6 weeks i THOUGHT things were fine...then I get that dreaded text to say its over. She had a new life,friends and a new job.

Im gettin over it now(was a couple of months back),and we dont talk for reasons I dont know. Maybe its easier that way. all im saying is if it got into a routine it should be at least addressed, it can be sparked up again...but only if both partners want it that way. to resent someone just for that, when you were both at "fault"(for want of a better word) is a bit strong.

To the person who started this thread, I hope ya get over it soon, because it isnt the nicest thing in the world to experience.

LegacyUser

WhiteWashMan wrote:

boy has to realise that the only reason he still wants to be incontact with girl is becuase he still feels for her and is sitll grasping at straws in a vain attampt to get a connection.

boy needs to realise that its over, she is with someone else, she was probably thinking aobut someone else when the relationship ended, and that she no longer thinks about boy as anything more than a fond memory.

boy needs to pick up his life and do something useful and stop pining over girl like a pathetic lost puppy.

boy realizes all that

Dax Wax

Most of the relationship threads on boards end up in a familiar fashion, with 2 people going out for a long period of time, one gets bored or feels tied down, the other gets hurt, feels lonely and depressed. Ive experienced the heartbreak and its not a nice feeling. I too think of my ex all the time, Ive tried so hard to not think of her and fill my days with things to do but it keeps haunting me. Im just hoping that a couple more months will get me through it. I never used to say or think things like this, I was a happy bloke up til now. Keep saying to myself its only a women, pinch yourself man etc, but at the end of the day no matter what you day or do if you feel sh~t then you feel sh~t. Everyday it does get alot easier though so time is the only healer

Dax Wax

WOke up in a cold sweat today, couldnt get her out of mind. Went to dial her number about 10 times but stopped myself. Tis really hard to move on people, I really thought I was moving on. A litle set back it was. I hope its not going to be a regular thing. Is there anybody here let a breakup get to them for a long period of time? anyone not get over their Xgirl for months~years?

LegacyUser

gettingOverIt wrote:

I. Remember no one falls in love with one particular person. That would be crazy. You fall in love with a particular type of person. There are loads of other girls that you can fall in love with out there. Just get into the habit of good thinking pattern, thats the only thing that helped me. Read books like the power of your subconscience mind, being happy, etc.

You mightent fall in love with the same person for the rest of life, may be that’s true. But when you do fall for someone really special(especially when the first relationship lasts a long time), have a great relationship with absolutely no hassle or issues, with them for such a long period of time and suddenly it breaks up it can be hard to take. With the love you gain trust, a friendship and a bonding. Now a lot of people between the ages of 17 – 25 have relationships that last a while, butduring that time a lot of changes occur in their lives. With change brings heartbreak. There is nothing worse than a broken heart. It is the worst feeling. When a relationship has a trust, a friendship and a bonding, for it to break and to be broken by one of the partners is a complete shock to the other. It’s a sickening feeling. It leads to a number of different things. The other preson is forced to change their life.

They may overanalize the situation, act irrational, think shocking thoughts. They may jump on the bangwangon, return to a previous lover, score with 7/8 guys/girls every Firday nite, lock themselves in their room and don’t come till up Christmas dinner. It’s a confusing process, this person who swore they would love them forever now only feels sorry for them.

Its cruel, especially at young ages. I’ve experienced it, and dwelled on it too much. I wasted a lot of time crying over it instead of getting on with things. At the time I didn’t even know what getting on with things meant. It is extremely hard. I still have feelings for my first love and I smile everytime she comes in to my head.We don’t talk anymore as she moved away out of my life. I miss her, yeah sure I do, but Im over it. I wont tell you how long it took me to truthfully be able to say that, but eventually I was.

WhiteWashMan

Unregstrd wrote:

boy realizes all that

then boy needs to get his shít together and start living for himself.

secret_squirrel

Dax Wax wrote:

Went to dial her number about 10 times

Delete it and any copies you have. Its an important step in moving on. Whilst its in your phone you will still be subconciously thinking...maybe she will call....

WhiteWashMan

secret_squirrel wrote:

Delete it and any copies you have. Its an important step in moving on. Whilst its in your phone you will still be subconciously thinking...maybe she will call....

absolutely.

and you know what, if ti absolutely comes down to it, do something completely and utterly unrepairable.
you will probably really upset her, but at least you will realise then that you will never be with her again, and you certainly wont be getting any phone calls or texts from her.

she is not coming back, you have to actually know its true.