he died...

LegacyUser

last year i met a guy, i fell in love, he said he liked me, i never told him what i felt. i was too scared, i just didnt dare to tell him. reason was that i never had felt anything like it before and i was afraid i would loose him... it was over a year ago and we havent had any contact since. he thought that i rejected him because every time he told me what he felt i changed subject. its obvious that he thought i didnt like him.
but it was really the other way around. I moved abroad(that was something I decided before i met him, and that was also areason for not letting my feelings out) and was supposed to move back in two months and last month i decided to tell him when i came back...

but today i found out that he died a few weeks ago and that his funeral was held last week. i feel empty. it hurts. somehow i am not surprised that he died. the way he lived was not the most careful way... he was too much into the drinking. and that was also kind of the reason he died.

he was my first real love and i never told him... i might be young but i have emotionally been through more than most people twice my age. i cant stop crying. even though i havent met him in almost a year i have been thinking about him every single day. i knew in one way that i had to get over him but i never did..
i have no idea what i should do now. i have been suicidal for years but i could never do it. i dont want to hurt my family... i could hurt myself and move the pain from inside, but i dont want them pathetic scars... so basicly i just have to keep on living. but how?

maybe it would have been different if i gave him a chance, maybe he wouldnt have gotten worse, i cant do anything but feel a bit guilty even though i know i shouldnt.

during this last year i have tried to get over him, i have met other people. but i only compare them with him. i also find it hard to let anyone else touch me, its just not the same.

when i close my eyes i can only picture his dead body, its awfull.

is there anyone out there thats been through this and how long did it take for you to get over it and maybe find a new love?

excuse me for the long post, thanks for reading

[Jackass]

First of all, Im sorry to hear about that, It must be difficult for you, but you're addresing your issues now, which is the first step to resolving them, so well done.

It seems to me that a large part of your problem is that you left with regrets, and you feel like you have too many unanswerd questions since you got back and found out what happend...lots of "what ifs" and "if onlys".

What you need to move towards is closure on the situation. You need to resolve the questions in your head and the feelings in your heart. You could dwell on "if only i had told him, what would have happend?" , "What if I had stayed?", but tbh no-one will ever be able to give you those answers.

So what can you do? Well you could decide you want to hold on to this for a long time and therefore hold on to the pain of it, or you could accept that somethings in life just weren't ment to be. Many people, all be it in far less tragic circumstances, have had their hearts broken, but what's important is how you deal with it, not how it happend.

I hope you can take something positive from reading this, but if nothing else try to maintain a positive mind set and look to the positives in your life.

If you don't mind me asking, what age are you and what age was he?

The_B_Man

how long did u actually know each other?

The best way to remember him is to remember the good things about him. i know its no help but for all u know he might not hav been the idealogical boyfriend you've built up in ur head! i'm positive he was a nice guy, and thats what you have to remember! to be honest, u havent made any mistakes. u did nothing wrong. come to terms with that. we all have good memories from our past, we all have bad memories too. focus on the fun you and ur mates had when you were socialising together with this fella. its a kick in the teeth, admittadly, but you have to decide what to do next. focus on concrete plans for the future, not "what if's" from the past. mourn for now, and let time heal.

delly

I have never experienced what you must be going through, but i can only think what devastation i would feel if i lost my wife. The worst part to me seems that you never got a change to see how your relationship would develop over time and your regretting not acting on your feelings at an earlier stage.

It will take time for you to grieve for this person, and your relationship with him, as well as asking yourself the 'what if' questions. The good news is that the pain you are feeling now will subside to a point over time. This may take months or years but it will happen. It may also be the case that you will always feel something for this person even when you have entered a new relationship, but this is ok as is it is ok to discover in 10 years time that you have fully gotten over his death. Which ever path you take the one thing which you should not feel is guilt, as you have done nothing wrong, but loved a man who cannot be a part of your life.

LegacyUser

In a way I can sympathise with your situation...my heart goes out to you, knowing what you have been through.

I know what it is like to be afraid of your own feelings...

I went through a long period of depression after falling in love with a girl I had known for several years. I tried to tell her how I felt, but she always maintained she didnt want to lose my friendship.

I watched her go out with different guys, eventually she met someone and got engaged and then married. The last time I saw her she told me she was going to get engaged and would marry this guy.

Now she is married and we are not in touch any more.

To this day I play the situation over and over in my head, thinking perhaps I should have asked her how I could show her how much she meant to me.

Since that day I still think about her more than I would like to. I realise I will never fully get over her, but that this was a part of my life and that I have to try, slowly, day by day, to move on.

It will take you time, how long, no one can say. If you can spend time with family or friends in a loving and caring environment, that will help.

Pets can help - the suggestion is not as stupid as it may sound. They will enjoy some affection and you might feel a bit better for showing them some care, affection or attention.

I am not sure whether any kind of therapy can help, but I always feel I would benefit from it if I could afford a therapist.

There is hope and time can help to heal.