Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris

Colm_OReilly

While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live
ammunition during all shoot outs. When the director explained that he
can't do that, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and
roundhouse kicked him in the face.

If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the
same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".

Chuck Norris puts the m's on M&Ms.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris
plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The
Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest
substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse
kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the
scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norrisi.

Chuck Norris carries a messenger bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a
baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon
impact.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he
grew a beard.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for
a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.

New Years Eve 1998, Chuck Norris was at a party, when the clock struck
twelve, instead of kissing someone, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked
everyone at the party. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick everyone on
the street, and the whole city. He has been doing this ever since.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was
10:35, He roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heart burn.

A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this
phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.

Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the
Sega Genesis.

Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the
8th wonder of the natural world.

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When
Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of
the face.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer
space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a con dom.

Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with
water.

There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck
Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.

Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.

Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won't
find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it's getting late he
stares at you blankly until you sit back down.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct
species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.

If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your
ass and take your dollar.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,

"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back
five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw
it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry
sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a
roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake
before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"

In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight co-host
Mary Hart that his most memorable role was when he played the third
breast on the hooker in "Total Recall".

Chuck Norris once did a back flip off the Great Wall of China.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

Chuck Norris can divide by Zero

Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says
he won't trade any of them for anything.

If Superman and the Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who
would win: Chuck Norris.

Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

Chuck Norris eats Transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out
transformed into a robot.

In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton
for one scene and nobody noticed.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris was dropped at Hiroshima and
Nagasaki.

Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the
paralympics.

Chuck Norris is where babies come from.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win
the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get
Out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green
..4 card from the game UNO.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

On the 7th day, God rested. Chuck Norris took over.

Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse
kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended
or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris consumes 87 cans of mayonnaise in a week.

Chuck Norris invented water.

Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once asked him
which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a Total Gym.

Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to
a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone
constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then
burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the
flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"

One time while sparring with wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost
his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by
it's technical term: Jupiter.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the Blue Ringed Octopus of
Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on Earth. Within 3
minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following
symptoms: Fever, Blurred Vision, Beard Rash, tightness of the jeans, and
the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word,
he simply changes the actual spelling of it.

BEFORE SCIENCE WAS INVENTED IT WAS ONCE BELIEVED THAT AUTUMN OCCURED
WHEN CHUCK NORRIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKED EVERY TREE IN EXISTENCE.

BEFORE EMAIL WAS INVENTED CHUCK NORRIS WOULD ATTACH PICTURES OF HIS
ROUNDHOUSE KICKS TO PIGEONS AND ROUNDHOUSE KICK THEM.

IN THE ORIGINAL PILOT FOR STAR TREK NEXT GEN CHUCK NORRIS CAN BE SEEN
POWERING THE USS ENTERPRISE WARP DRIVE WITH HIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKS.

THERE WAS A TIME WHEN CHUCK NORRIS WAS LABELLED AS A MERE GOD OF MEN,
MORE RECENTLY HE HAS TAKEN THE LOFTY TITLE OF "TENESEES JUNIOR
EMBROIDERER OF THE YEAR".

CHUCK NORRIS WAS ONCE ASKED TO RECOMMEND A CLUB TO WHICH HE REPLIED 'I
AM CLUB' AND EVERYONE PARTIED ON HIM.. UNTIL HE ROUNDHOUSE KICKED THEM
ALL BECAUSE SOMEONE SPILT HIS PINT.

Millionaire

whats that all about!!!!???!!!!!

chuck norris

I very little about ...though there is a biography published inlast few years I intend to read and did not get to it yet.

But I do Know...

Chuck was one of the first every to Mix Martial arts styles or cross train, he was a tang so do man, went to the japs to punch. trained with bruce etc etc.

He had a karate school and only started to compete to get his name out to get a bit of biz in for the school and was in last 20s I think before this.

He is an out standing person and has conributed greatly to soceity with hsi "kick drugs out of america program"


He is a sharp biz man

and also I beleive a committed christian too!

Good on him

another bit of trivia....one of co horts from 1960 1970s USA karate dasy...Bob Wall...ya know the big nasty guy in Enter the Dragon..with scar on face that bruce kills....is one of the biggest property developer in california.....Ah sory lads.....its that I am going to be a millionaire stuff going to me head again!

http://www.spikedhumor.com/articles/3200/Walker_On_Conan.html

mk sbgn

v funny thread

Colm_OReilly

whats that all about!!!!???!!!!!

I got an email of this, and thought it was funny, so I posted it!

roo1981

Apparently Chuky is pretty nifty at the BJJ...
http://bjj.org/a/people/machado-carlos.html
Brown belt...

pma-ire

roo1981 wrote:

Apparently Chuky is pretty nifty at the BJJ...
http://bjj.org/a/people/machado-carlos.html
Brown belt...

The Walker stuff that he done may have been naf! Some of his movies may have been naf. But he is old school mix it up when it comes to training!!

Joe Lewis gave him big respect as being one of the hardest hitters on the Full Contact Karate (early Kickboxing) tour back in the day.

Though the post was funny Chuck has only himself to blame for much of the flack he gets:rolleyes:

Millionaire

http://www.chucknorris.com/html/biog.html


here his bio

D

Millionaire wrote:

"kick drugs out of america program"

Shouldn't that be "Roundhouse kick drugs out of america program"?

Cabelo

Fantastic post, made my day.

Millionaire

no! its spinining reverse crescent kick charlie of of america! LOL!!!!

rainbow kirby

*giggle*

Digitally

Chuck's "Farewell to Walker" Letter
Dear Friends:

I was lying in bed a couple of months ago and I started reflecting back to my Martial Arts career as a fighter. I remembered back to 1974, when I decided to retire after six years as the undefeated World Middleweight Karate Champion. I thought that I could defend my title again in 1975 at the age of 35 and win my seventh consecutive year, but then again I could probably lose, so I decided to retire as an undefeated champion. To this day I am considered one of the top fighters of all time. If I had fought and lost, that may not have been the case.

Then I began thinking about Walker, Texas Ranger. Fortunately, Walker has been a top rated series for eight years and I thought it could probably have a successful ninth season, but then again maybe not. Anyway that is the reason I am ending Walker, Texas Ranger. I want the series to end as a winner. I know the let down of Walker being over will be very emotionally hard on me, just as it did when I retired as a fighter, but I did not stop doing my Martial Arts when I retired and I will not stop acting when Walker is over. I hope whenever my acting career goes that I will still have your support! As I have always believed, "When one door closes, a bigger one opens."

God Bless you.

Sincerely your friend,

Chuck Norris

Legend.

dent

Colm_OReilly wrote:

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake
before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Damn straight. Great post

cletus

these are a few more little known facts about Chuck ( dont think any are the same as above)

there also some little known fact about Rickson Gracie

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No fat Chicks.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and **** on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.


Rickson Gracie
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Rickson Gracie allows to live.

Rickson Gracie can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

Rickson Gracie is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Rickson Gracie is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Rickson Gracie has two speeds: walk and kill.

Rickson Gracie can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

If you were to lock Rickson in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Rickson replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

When Rickson Gracie does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Rickson Gracie played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

On his birthday, Rickson randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

You are what you eat. That is why Rickson's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

dlofnep

Seen these before - Funny stuff though.

TwoKingMick

i like the push up one, very much.

cavedave

http://www.milkandcookies.com/article/2882/