Chuck Norris...

cournioni

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Chuck Norris = :cool:

Big Nelly

Chuck Norris is a legend!! have about 10 of his films at home!! must watch them again!!!

Rhyme

Im not sure if i prefer these or the Vin Diesel ones...

Big Nelly

Rhyme wrote:

Im not sure if i prefer these or the Vin Diesel ones...

How dare you mention Vin Diesel in a Chuck Norris thread!! that is a sin!! shame on you!!!

kaimera

already posted in humour in the last week.

le good tho

:v:

FreeAnd..

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

I think you'll find it was with beard...possibly head band too

cournioni

Rhyme wrote:

Im not sure if i prefer these or the Vin Diesel ones...

They don't come close to Chuck's...

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

:cool:

Deadwing

thats classic...you gotta post the link to that site :cool: :v:

Gone West

wow. you took a bunch of facts from the random chuck norris fact generator site.
very original.

Welcome to the humour boards of most online forums about 2 years ago.

cournioni

Oh wow, aren't you cool. We bow to your supremacy... :rolleyes:

aodh_rua

Another one or two I distantly remember are:

All 290 episodes of Walker: Texas Ranger were filmed in a single afternoon with 15 minutes of footage.

Chuck Norris' arms are strong enough to crush rock, but gentle enough to cradle an infant.

Great stuff!

Gone West

PORNAPSTER wrote:

Oh wow, aren't you cool. We bow to your supremacy... :rolleyes:

...
I stated a simple point.
Poorly articulated childish sarcasm clouds and dilutes my point, yet goes on to reinforce your public image as being ignorant.

Which, paradoxically goes on to reinforce my point.

Dave!

FuzzyLogic wrote:

wow. you took a bunch of facts from the random chuck norris fact generator site.
very original.

Welcome to the humour boards of most online forums about 2 years ago.

*YAWN*

Deadwing wrote:

thats classic...you gotta post the link to that site :cool: :v:

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/
http://www.4q.cc/t/

Deadwing

FuzzyLogic wrote:

wow. you took a bunch of facts from the random chuck norris fact generator site.
very original.

Welcome to the humour boards of most online forums about 2 years ago.

Id never seen the site before, i found it funny, so whats the harm in posting it?? Jesus you cant post anything here anymore witohut someone saying "Well actually that was first posted on june 6th 1998 in another forum and OMIGAWD everyones heard of it, so like, welcome to 2005, like, mmkay?" :rolleyes:

cournioni

FuzzyLogic wrote:

yet goes on to reinforce your public image as being ignorant.

Interesting, I didn't know it had already been "inforced". Maybe you would like to "reinforce" your statement by giving us some examples of my public image as being ignorant.

scojones

I thought using the img tags made the image be displayed in my post, I guess not

Rcuomo

apparently chuck norris could have beaten bruce lee in a real fight, and they both new this...

and b. lee didnt die, he went to work for the chinese government infiltrating the triads...

Dave!

Just saw this:

http://thatvideosite.com/view/1792.html

Class!

_Kaiser_

DaveMcG wrote:

Just saw this:

http://thatvideosite.com/view/1792.html

Class!

That's brilliant.. but they left out some of the best ones!

Sm0ke

heres a few other chuck norris FACTS:
________________________________________________________________-

When God said "Let there be light!" Chuck Norris Said "Say Please"

-The Square root of Chuck Norris is pain.

-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

-Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.

-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

-Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

-It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

-Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

-There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

-Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

-When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.



and thats gospel according to chuck

The OP

I just don't get these sad 'kooky' retro fads. First David Hasselhoff, now Chuck Norris - yaaawn. Suddenly they're "legends" in a "so bad they're good" type way, with 'funny list' e-mails circulating around every crap office. It's lame IMO.
I guess poeple will be asking for a Chuck Norris forum next.
I predict Steven Segal will be the next retro-spa fad.

G-Knome

Miracle worker Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the down syndrome out of a thirteen year old boy.

G-Knome

The OP wrote:

I predict Steven Segal will be the next retro-spa fad.

OMG what a great idea!!!!!111one!one!!one!!11111onemilliononehundredthousandonehundredandeleven!!!!11111

Capt'n Midnight

LOL Steven Segal the practioner of yen-dough (the way of the money)
/raises eyebrow

Roen

Well now is as good a time as any to out myself.......I actually have Chuck Norris's autograph. I'm not sure if I should be ashamed or proud of myself

biko

Roen wrote:

Well now is as good a time as any to out myself.......I actually have Chuck Norris's autograph. I'm not sure if I should be ashamed or proud of myself

Put it up for sale. You will achieve two great things:
1. You get money.
2. You get rid of the thing.

Dave!

Aye, sell it on Ebay!

Roen

I just checked on ebay and his scrawl is going for bugger all money. Besides it says. "To (my name here), from a friend Chuck Norris"