A joke so bad its good...

Dont Ban Me

Last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a
cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by
the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise.......







BUMP........
















BUMP........
















BUMP........
















Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.
















BUMP........
















BUMP........
















BUMP........
















He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was a coffin.
















Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started
walking briskly home.
















BUMP........
















BUMP........
















BUMP........















He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster.........















BUMP........BUMP......















BUMP........BUMP.....















BUMP........BUMP......















The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him......















BUMP........BUMP......BUMP......















BUMP........BUMP......BUMP......















BUMP........BUMP......BUMP......















He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .















BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.















BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....















BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.















Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and lumped into his comfy chair.















Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase.....















BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...















BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...















BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...















BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...















In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could
take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........















BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...















BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...














BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...















The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and
launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the
bathroom door flew off its hinges....




The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young
terrified lad.















BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...















BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...















BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...















In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet......




He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin....... still it came .















BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...















He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it .....



Still it came......















BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...















He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it .still it came......















BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...















He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........















The coffin stopped.

Dont hate me for this!!! ;oD

The Bollox

don't worry, all my anger on this joke was taken out on a friend on mine when he took away 10 minutes of my life. you would think he's have learnt his lesson, but no, he decided a few weeks later to waste an aditional 15 minutes with a double parted joke about a bouncing rock and a bird

Lambsbread

...groan.

Please don't do that again!!

Sherifu

:v:

l liked it.

:v:

biko

Boo boo
I hope you typed that in yourself instead of just snipping it from somewhere. That should be punishement enough for you...

Maccattack

petes

A joke so bad it is actually bad.

Prior Of Taize

:v: :v:

TerrorFirmer

Lol what an insanely annoying joke. I heard it about a week ago but oddly enough I couldn't remember the "punchline".

Strangely enough though I find the aural description slightly creeply with all the bump, screech, etc...:o

kaimera

*snigger*
:v:

pimpy_c

You've wasted 5 minutes of my life and I want them back!

Dave!

goddammit, if you hadn't spread it out like that I coulda seen how long it actually was, and I wouldn't have read it

i hate you

Kablamo!

Marts wrote:

don't worry, all my anger on this joke was taken out on a friend on mine when he took away 10 minutes of my life. you would think he's have learnt his lesson, but no, he decided a few weeks later to waste an aditional 15 minutes with a double parted joke about a bouncing rock and a bird

OH MY GOD

REFRESH MY MEMORY ON THE ROCK AND BIRD JOKE

please!!

TerrorFirmer

Kablamo! wrote:

OH MY GOD

REFRESH MY MEMORY ON THE ROCK AND BIRD JOKE

please!!

Yeah same, break out the gem that is the rock and bird joke. Remember that guy thejew? He had the worst joke ever about a blue brick....it wasn't so much a joke as it was an epic narration on two guys finding a brick.

The punchline was: " And one of them threw the brick, and it flew off into the sunset, never to be seen again...."

It was rather mystifying. A few days later a sequel appeared about a blue brick hitting an airplane but by then the irrepairable damage had been done.

Haven't seen him around lately....:v:

Karoma

DBM: I hate you.
That is all.

Diarmsquid

Don't Ban Me, that was BRILLIANT!
Thank you.

NoDayBut2Day

:rolleyes:

cute...

The Bollox

Kablamo! wrote:

OH MY GOD

REFRESH MY MEMORY ON THE ROCK AND BIRD JOKE

please!!

right, the short short SHORT!!!! *stares at Don't Ban Me* version is some dude finds a rock that can bounce, he has a great laugh with it until he bounces it too hard and it fles up into the air ::intermission:: some old fart with his best friend, a bird (not woman) are on a plane, the bird makes a load of noise so he has to sit out on the wing, he gets hit by a rock...

now I was told a version of that where each part took about 10 minutes to tell!

UnrealQueen

I likes it.:D

Devon

Wow. How profoundly annoying that was... Can't wait to tell it!

rugbug86

can i have those ten mins of my life back?

Karoma

meh. Boards'ers always ask for the time back.. what would you do with? Be honest. Wasters..

^CwAzY^

That was awesome!!! LOL I'll be using that.. :v: :v: :v:

HybridTech

Enjoyed that! Should have seen that punchline coming for miles but didn't!
Fair play!

funk-you

kill me now

it was actually kinda funny

Kingp35

I loved that joke. Cant ait to annoy some people down the pub with it tonight

ErnieBall

That was hilarious but most importantly original (assuming of course it were all your own work Derek!). At least you don't plagarise Simpsons-Family Guy-Futurama (practically all the same show) stuff in your posts. Keep em comin Walt Wit-man..

P.s. Why did the Hungry Lion kill the deer?

Cos the dear called him a prick

danniemcq

i loved it and the brick one is brilliant 2!