how do i tell them?

chuci

this isnt as big as an PI as everyone else but was wondering how should i break the news to my parents that im planning on moving out after xmas. iv tried to tell them beforer but they dont belive me which is really annoying. mom seems to have blocked the idea out completely and keps saying oh how next year ill be back and forth from coll etc.

the thing is il be in third year next year and will be on a year long placement which pays very well so its not like ill be sponging off them or asking for money either. its not like i live fatr away from the hospital im going to be working in just a driving distance away(which im currently learnig to do).

just it make me a little depressed to be staying at home i feel like im missing out on coll stuff and as all my friends in my class live out from home too im a little jealous. im just want to be able to tell them that im leaving without it turning into and argument or emotional blackmail etc. ill be the first one to leave the house too.

i dont know maybe i just need to grow up a little just im afraid of hurting their feelings if i leave. im 19 btw. any advice would be greatly appreciated.

chuci x

galwaydude18

just get a place sorted out... tell them then and then move out! I had to do that cause my ma was insisting i wasn't going to do that during college that i was going to travel in and out all year! but once i did it she couldn't do or say anything apart from learning to live with the idea which she did very very quickly!

bungeecork

chuci wrote:

any advice would be greatly appreciated.
chuci x

Stay at home and save the money you would otherwise spend on rent etc.

OMcGovern

Being the first to leave the house should be easier than being the last to leave the house. Your folks know you are getting to the moving out stage.
If there's other children in the house, then it's not so bad.
You may end up returning home while in between house moves, jobs, travelling etc.... that's why your folks probably don't think that's the last they'll see of you. And your bedroom will become a shrine.... or an office..... depends how much your folks need the space :-)

When the last kid leaves the nest, that's a bigger issue... the house feels completely empty.

rainbow kirby

You're lucky to be able to move out! I'm 21 and I'd love to get my own place... The only thing keeping me at home is finances, I have to pay fees for college.

WaterfordOnline

Just tell them straight like I did:

Mam, Dad, - I am leaving home to move in on me own because I am sick of lookin at ye every day arguin and stuff and I was to make me own porridge and toast in da mornins ya know.

Tiriel

I don't know if you realise it but moving out means a pretty big expense.. one which is difficult on a student. Would it mean you might need to get a part time job between Christmas and starting on the placement? It's not just rent, it's the money you spend on everyday groceries, and of course on going out.. your new found freedom!!

I do understand though, but maybe you should wait to move out until you start on the placement.. at least then you could justify it financially maybe? either way.. good luck with it:)

g'em

it really is ridiculously expensive living away from home and there's all sorts of hidden costs involved (lord knows how much i've spent on kitchen utensils in the last year, and I don't even cook..)

I know it seems like all your college friends are living it up night after night, but there's a lot to be said for meals on the table when you come home from a long day and having all the mod-cons at your disposal for free! Plus, as soon as you move out, it'll make it that bit harder to go home. I've lived in my own place (renting) for three years now, and I've got used to a certain way of life. There's no way I could go back to living under my Mum's rules, as well-intentioned as they are.

But if you think you can manage (and trust me, lots of people are opting to stay at home for longer and longer- lots of my mid-twenties friends are still at home trying to save for deposits on houses) just tell them straight out, no bull involved.

chuci

thanks for all the advice i wouldnt be moving out till around feb to be able to fig out myself how much i needed to buget for rent food etc. ill be on a pretty decent wages for a studen bout 400 a wk including tax. also its just the sheer hassle of having to commute from where i live ill be working 22 hr shifts staring at8 and thats means leaving the house for 6.30 which isnt that attractive considering the houses around the area are roughly 60e for a pretty decent room.

i do agree about the decent meals on the table and the free utilties that my mam does for me but just want to kind of exp. it on my own for awhile not have to ans to anyone really.i dont know do they sound like the right reasons to move out?

dundalk cailin

im over in france for the yr, my first time livil away from home, it was so hard to get used to..v expensive, but then i havent got a job, might b different for u. its funny the things u take for granted when u have them!!

chuci

dundalk cailin wrote:

its funny the things u take for granted when u have them!!

thats true i guess just like wana get out wuda liked to have done it when i just started coll but couldnt find a job to finance myself

Hmm_Messiah

I moved out at 17 (lol back at 18)

You are moving for all the right reasons, and your relationship will only get better when you don't see each other all the time... Tell your mum this. Say you want to start looking after yourself and making your parents proud.

Also tell her that you'll have more to chat about when you do see her (mothers cherish talkig to their children, your life is quite a bit of her life ya know)

Make sure to turn up a bit at home to start with, even "fake" little things you need her for still. (broke this week canI drop over for tea etc)

Enjoy the new start, and your mum and dad know this has to happen, its really nice that she is postponing it in her head. Overall your in a good situation in many ways and remind yourself of that.

tbh

don't worry about the money - if you don't have enough, you can always move home again. Living on your own will do you the world of good. If you can afford it, or think you can - give it a go. What the worst that can happen?

Anway, I'm sure it'll be hard for your parents, but they'll get used to it. After a while, they'll probably be sick of you coming home to get your washing done! You sound like your reasons for moving out are good, I'm sure once they see you are ok, they'll be very proud of you.

Caimin

dundalk cailin

Hmm_Messiah wrote:

your relationship will only get better when you don't see each other all the time... Tell your mum this. Say you want to start looking after yourself and making your parents proud.

Also tell her that you'll have more to chat about when you do see her (mothers cherish talkig to their children, your life is quite a bit of her life ya know)

this is defintely true in my case, myself and the rents get on a lot better than we have in the past couple of years, and its funny how muh my mam worries bout me when im not there cos she's so used to having me at home!!

~Leanne~

Best of luck when you tell them! I moved out in Feb this year and ended up in all sorts of rows! Was horruble, i just needed my space so im house sharing now. Still get the begging texts to go back home......but i know i wont go back!
Is not that expensive really if you go by a budget, i know easier said than though!

Faith

I moved out for college (I had to, I moved to a different country :eek: ) and it was great at the start, but now I really miss home! I'm living in a student flat, so it's different, but I miss my living room and tv and ESPECIALLY having my meals made for me every evening! I didn't know how lucky I was. But you've got to move out sometime and now's as good a time as any. Best of luck with it! Your parents will understand, especially as you're 19 and will be working.

Moonbeam

Go for it, you have nothinh to loose and explain to your parents it is only for the year and you would like to move back to their home after your work placement to finish college.

Hopefully they will understand:)

daisyblue

just do as others said and organise it and leave. Are you the last one to leave? if so, your mum will find it hard for the first while and you may find yourself guilttripped to visit more often than you might, but wait til she realises the freedom!!
If youre not the last to leave then she'll be fine!! just do it!

chuci

well the **** hit the fan last night altogether.my moving out was brought up by my mother last night and well it turned into a heated debate between me and her mainly and my dad. first she said that it was all good that me moving out will bew good for me and she was all up for it etc etc that was fine gave her my reasons for moving out, they both agreed that they were good and to just consider the cost implications.

then out of nowhere she completely turned on me and made me feel like the worst person imagineable. she said she had no idea why i bothered to get a provisional and why they insured me on the car(only until xmas and its under my dads insurance). trried explaining that i was only moving 20 mins up the road and not to a different country band that she knew that i hated the town where i live. but i just didnt seem to sink she started saying that i wasted my dads time when he was teaching me how to drive etc. plus ahe was being very sarcastic when she asking about where i was going to live and how i was expecting to pay deposit when i was leaving in jan(i explained that i wasn leaving until feb)

to me it didnt seem like a waste of time just what i wanted and what she expected are two very different things.feel obliged to stay at home now just to keep the peace.

yet again any advice?

tbh

Try and relax as much as you can. This will pass. The hardest bit is over.
As an outsider, we can kinda see the big picture better than you, and from where I'm standing, your mam is just lashing out, and it won't last forever. Your job in this phase is to let it wash over you, don't get dragged in, and don't say or do anything that you'll regret once she's gotten used to the idea and you are friends again. Isn't the second stage of grief anger? sounds like you've already dealt with denial, so its just bargaining (stand your ground!!) and acceptance to go.

And then it's all gravy.



Stick with it!!

If it helps, your mam is probably well aware she's acting up, and isn't very happy about it. don't take it as an attack on you, look on it as her being sorry you are leaving, and reassure her a lot. She's your mammy!

chuci

ya i know but its just the way she completely turned around on me in like two seconds.really frustrated me

rick_fantastic

ur ma is just scared at the idea of u not living at home, maybe a lack of control over ur life, i dont know

whatever u do, move out on your own terms and dont burn any bridges as you will more than likely want to go back at some point

shakaman

Your mother will react in whatever way she can to try and keep you at home, all mothers do. Sounds like she isn't convinced you have the balls to move out.

I moved out when I was 17 and haven't lived at home since, it was the best thing I've ever done, for many reasons:

1) Come and go as you want.
2) Eat, sleep, drink when you want!
3) You make more friends living away from home...flat mates and their mates etc.
4) The sooner you learn to cope with a budget in your life the better, dealing with bills (and final demands/electricity cuts!!!) at 17 sets you up for later in life.
5) Missing cooking from your Mammy!, come on there's a better sense of enjoyment/achievement out of cooking your own dinner!
6) You don't have to make excuses if you pull/never an issue bringin a lad/chick home....oh I stayed at Tina's. Mammy rings Paul's mammy and lil chuci wasn't at Tina's!
7) Your relationship with parents improves and you look forward to coming home rather than think about the hassle!
8) Xmas rocks as you haven't seen people in ages!

Best of luck in whatever decision you choose, but I would personally move out!

pickarooney

I wouldn't pay any attention to what your ma said when she got upset - learning to drive is a waste of time, because the rules are different in the next town over?
She'll eventually get used to the idea, just try not to get into fights with her.