story 3

doonothing

ok, i wanted this to be a scary-mysterious-not too much information ghost story, but ive completely lost the run of it. Could someone please tell me where in the story i should go back to and pick up from?
im ready to cut any amount of it.
its gotten extremely...explainy, and its become a murder mystery or something.
any and all advice appreciated

Dragan

It's okay, but the interview style gets very boring, there are no real scares involved at all as it is done through this interview style. The fact that the kid may have been murdered was pretty obvious from the start, as thats the way these stories always go.

Also you need a reason as to why people would have been scared to speak out , people wont just keep quiet about the murder because someone is old.

The main problem is a lack of excitment i think, but this is larely to be expected in the style or writing, i.e no actions or situations occur at any time, merely recanting individual stories.

A good ending is what is needed here, a very good twist in the tale, but all in all, for the style it is writen in , you are doing well.

A suggestion may be that Ms Pullman is dead herself? Some sort of messed accident caused by the child who died, but her body was only found in her own house AFTER the little girl died, but she had clearly been dead for a while?

Then when the interviewer learns this and goes back to the Pullman interview, it is just the interviewer asking question, a gap where the answer used to be, and then another question.

Or that could be a rubbish idea. Its up to you.

doonothing

yeah, i know you're right. i was going to end it with a recording of the interviewer goin into the house, and being murdered somehow. hadnt quite figured that part out yet (:

i get completely what you mean, its very dull reading, and an exciting ending would be exactly what i need...

its just, when i read back over the last sentence that id written of the bit i posted, i nearly puked, god, who says that? ugh.

anyways, thanks for the advice, im thinking about scrapping the whole thing and startin again, or splittin the story in two. an interview type story should be really short im thinkin...

thanks again

Dragan

Sure it's been done before, but have the interviwer recording while they are investigating the two house, and other people find that tapes maybe????

They as weird stuf happens to them they piece it together from the tapes???