realising you've messed up

LegacyUser

Going unregistered on here, am a semi-regular user and don't want to be recognised because people in the real world know my name on here!

Has anyone ever reached a point where they know they've fcuked up their lives? I went through a tough year last year and didn't treat some people as well as I could have/as well as I should have, and the proverbial sh1t has hit the fan. I've tried apoligising to people concerned but it isn't really working.

I know they're probably all upset and stuff, maybe not, maybe they're over it, but I can't stop thinking about it.

Any idea's what I can do???

There's more details, i'll post them if I get a chance. But basically last year was the worst of my life and I need to get some people back on side. How do I do it if they just ignore me? And I don't want to be best mates with them or whatever, I just want to be given the chance to explain myself.

I'm just confused I guess...

missingtime

I'd say take your time in trying to be friends with them again. If you screwed them over they will naturally be very untrusting.
Try meeting them one at a time and get the general feel from each one of them.
Ask them what the others have been saying about the whole situation

seamus

I don't think it's possible to completely fcuk up your life, bar doing something you'd end up in jail for. There's a lot of life to live, and thousands of second chances.

TBH, without knowing the full details, I can't give you any exact advice except to make your apology, and give it time. You can make someone hate you, but you can't make someone like you.

If you're still talking to these people, invite them round to yours for dinner and make your apology to them in public. Make it very clear that you're not expecting them to forgive you, just that you're sorry.

If you're not on talking terms, a handwritten letter (typed can look too formal) can serve the same purpose.

If you've apologised, then all you can do is wait.

UnrealQueen

All you can do is apologise to them however bad it is. It's better for you to do it privately between all of them instead of all together in a group as that puts you on the spot. After that, the ball is in their court.

FoXXy

Without knowing too much about your situation, i went through a phase last year too where i was just not dealing with problems and in not dealing with it i did alot of damage to anyone who tried to help me out... as a result i lost contact with the only best friend i had..
i tried to explain my side of things and at first it had no effect at all. but eventually she caved in and accepted my apology. We're not best friends anymore and she now lives in the UK but we're still in contact and i know she's there if i need her to be.

so my advice to you would be to stick at it, find some way of approaching them. the more personal you make it ( as in dont do it by text or summit silly!) the better. after that, if they dont want to keep in contact its up to them.

but everyone deserves a second chance and u seem like nice person so go for it

[Jackass]

There's billions of people out there, and millions of fresh starts. And that's only if this scenario dosen't work out. As Seamus said, if you make it clear you messed up, you know you messed up, and you're sorry for it, that's all you can do. If they choose to forgive you, great, if not, unfortunate but time to move on.

It's far from fucking up your life and don't be so hard on yourself, we can't always avoid making mistakes, we can just try to learn from them, that's all you can do.

Good Luck

Miguel_Sanchez

I suppose it all depends on what you did really.

Sometimes apologising to people is all you can do but sometimes it just isn't enough no matter how sincere your apology is.

Having said that, it can help if you not only apologise but be completely frank and tell people that you realise you ****ed things up, explain as best you can why you did things and make it clear that you understand what you did was wrong and why it was wrong. Don't make excuses for your behaviour but rather try to explain it. It's probably best not to expect people to just turn around and forgive and forget straight away but at least you'll have put your best foot forward. Then it's down to time.

And, of course, don't make matters worse by getting annoyed at them if they won't forgive you straight away. After all, by your own admittance, it was you who f*cked up.

audge

Well you have a nack for writing, so why not write a heart felt apology, explaining you reasons for everything you have done and then email it to them, all of them, so they can see you are publically admitting blame and expressing remorse?
I couldn't stay angry for long if someone had the balls to do something like that.

Victor

You have "X" years left in your life, its very difficult to taint that amount of time completely.

chuci

if theyre that important to you give them a ring or write them a letter or something you never know they may want to talk to you but because you hurt them or did something to loose their trust (again without knowing full details cant give too much advice) also the old chestnut of time is a healer is true too. play it by ear. though if you do have to see them on a gular basis its prob best to sort it out asap!

Siogfinsceal

dont be so hard on yourself i went off the rails a while back and lost it with everyone, i had a bit of grovelling to do after but it all worked out in the end. people forgive..just takes time..everyone makes mistakes youre not the only one who knows what your friends lives will be like in a years time?

cocopops

Just wanna say that an old friend messed up about two years ago and fell out with our whole network of friends. Last June, he came to his senses and started off by apologising to two of us and gradually coming back into the circle and simply allowing us to take out time to trust him again. We're a long way off from what it was two years ago but we're getting there. Real friends understand when ya've messed up and if you take it slow, you'll find they're willing to give you a second chance, sometimes even a third. That's my opinion anyhow.

take one day at a time and good luck

Stark

I did the e-mail thing a while back with someone. They were very gracious in accepting it. Though things definitely aren't the same as they were. More of a case of me still feeeling embarrassed than anything.