Great news but how soon to tell?

LegacyUser

Local around these parts but going unreg so as not to jinx it.

How soon is a good idea to tell family friends that you are having a baby?
Heard something like 3 months because of the high rate of failures in this period.
Any advice? What did you do?

dudara

yup, 3 months is as about standard, due to the chance of miscarriages prior to that.

Congratulations, by the way

Binomate

Congrats, I say don't tell them at all. Just appear one day 9 months later with a baby and suprose them all. Although not quite the same I did this with my driving test to my parents. If they don't like suprises then 3 months sounds good.

~Leanne~

They say 3 months but its your choice! I know if i was id be telling everybody! Im crap at keeping stuff to myself!!

g'em

The chances of miscarriage are highest within the first few months, so after that, is considered the best time to tell all. Personally, I'd want to make sure both me and the baby were safe and healthy before telling everyone, and then I'd shout it from the rooftops. How does your partner feel about it?

Hugh Hefner

You don't think it's a bit odd to already be considering having to hide a mis-carriage from people? a) I would think that's a bit presumptuous and b) is it really something you want to hide? It's hardly a bad reflection on anyone and if it were to happen then wouldn't it be better to be able to talk about it and such. The whole idea seems off to me.

g'em

Hugh Hefner wrote:

You don't think it's a bit odd to already be considering having to hide a mis-carriage from people? a) I would think that's a bit presumptuous and b) is it really something you want to hide? It's hardly a bad reflection on anyone and if it were to happen then wouldn't it be better to be able to talk about it and such. The whole idea seems off to me.

Its not hiding a miscarriage, its just making absolutely sure that everything is ok before spreading the good news. A miscarriage is a traumatic experience for both parents, and often results in emotions that neither parent is used to. Many people choose to wait to tell because they wouldn't be able to cope with people knowing about a miscarriage. The three month rule is just one of those things that many people abide by, but many don't. Completely up to the couple in question.

Hugh Hefner

Well... I just find it odd. It's completely their choice though.

Khannie

Congrats!

Hugh Hefner wrote:

You don't think it's a bit odd to already be considering having to hide a mis-carriage from people?

My wife and I recently suffered a miscarriage at just shy of 3 months. One of the biggest pains in the hole was that we thought we were safe, told people, then it all went tits up. Having to face people asking if you're allright, etc. all the time really takes its toll when you just want to keep your head down for a while.

My suggestion is to wait for the 12-16 week scan, make sure everything's allright, then tell whoever you want.

Good luck!

Victor

Hugh Hefner wrote:

You don't think it's a bit odd to already be considering having to hide a mis-carriage from people? a) I would think that's a bit presumptuous and b) is it really something you want to hide? It's hardly a bad reflection on anyone and if it were to happen then wouldn't it be better to be able to talk about it and such. The whole idea seems off to me.

I suppose its so as to not build up peoples expectations to soon. I don't think it has anything to do with hiding.

Tar.Aldarion

Yip I would say wait until you are more certain that there will be no miscarraige.(u nless you know me...then you should dish it !)

seamus

Hugh Hefner wrote:

You don't think it's a bit odd to already be considering having to hide a mis-carriage from people? a) I would think that's a bit presumptuous and b) is it really something you want to hide? It's hardly a bad reflection on anyone and if it were to happen then wouldn't it be better to be able to talk about it and such. The whole idea seems off to me.

I guess it's one of those things that people don't want everyone knowing about. I can see family and perhaps very close friends being told, but there's not really any requirement past that. It can also serve to make some people awkward in social situations, as they don't know if they should say something, or tiptoe around it, etc etc.

I do believe that there are plenty of things best kept within a certain circle. There's no need for the entire community to know every facet of your life, particularly the traumatic details.

Hugh Hefner

I guess there's good arguments for both sides. Maybe it just depends on the people. Some might want to keep it to themselves and handle it privately while others may require the help of friends and family to get through something like that. Decisions, decisions.


Khannie, I know my parents had a mis-carriage before I was born (only child) and they're fine now. I'm not saying I can see into their souls or anything but they seem good. So, I guess I just wanted to say that if it's hitting hard now that things can get better.

Kernel32

12 weeks is the norm. Congrats on the news, my wife is at 20 weeks right now with our second. We told close family about this one at 10 weeks and friends at 12+ weeks. It does depend on your personal choice though. If something had happened we would have prefered to deal with it ourseleves, let close family know of the loss and move on. Others may feel different.

EvilPixieOne

Congratulations!!! If I were you I'd definatly wait the 3 months for most general people, though if you have close family/friends you can tell them sooner. You also can't leave it too late, just in terms of maternity/paternity leave and all that. I know my aunt left it till 5 months to tell the other kids in the family, just because she didn't want them getting overexcited or anything like that, and to make sure the baby was safe and sound

deisemum

I told family and close friends once I found out I was pregnant with both of my children. If I hadn't they'd have figured it out between week 6 - week 7 as I was very sick each time and it wouldn't have taken einstein to figure out why especially when you have that extreme pregnancy tiredness. Anyway if I had a miscarriage at least I'd have family and close friends for support.