Windows Source Code.

omnicorp

Enclosed is a copy of Windows Source Code
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/source.php
Consider it carefully.

Sherifu

Brilliant.
roflao.

Just as i always suspected.

Mutant_Fruit

It all makes sense now...

bennyx_o

Rofl, excellent, I love it.

Peteee

dosent define any functions........... therefore wouldnt compile at all

sceptre

Most of that has been knocking around since around 1995ish. Funny then and funny now for anyone who hasn't seen it.

carbsy

:d

Capt'n Midnight

Windows Source Code
[php]
/* Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
** Project: Version - Windows 95
**
** Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):
*/

#include <nonsense.h>
#include <lies.h>
#include <spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include <process.h> /* For the court of law */

#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version

char make_prog_look_big[1600000];

void main() {
if (detect_cache()) disable_cache();
if (fast_cpu()) set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
if (system_ok()) crash(16_bit_general_protection_fault);
while(1) {
if (latest_window_version>one_month_old) {
if (there_are_still_bugs) market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_new_version) {
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in */
/* lies.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder) make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder) {
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month");
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress) {
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
" the 32 bit architecture");
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
"'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
everyone");
register(journalist, big_Bill_book);
when(time_is_ripe) {
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree) {
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware) {
introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release) break;
say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
}
release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware) {
Bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems) {
say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play) {
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this
bastard");
}
}
if (Bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years) {
divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
if (boobies_start_to_hang)
dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
}
if (there_is_another_company) {
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
} /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware */
/* and they are all angry at us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_Bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island);
hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}
}

void bugfix(void) {
charge (a_lot_of_money)
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
if (still_complaints) {
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
}
}
[/php]

nadir

heh

omnicorp

Peteee wrote:

dosent define any functions........... therefore wouldnt compile at all

It's a joke

Peteee

REALLY

i thought this was the actaul source code.......................... :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

omnicorp

It's a bit short.