Crying out

RicardoSmith

I'm curious about the resistance to let a baby cry for a few minutes. Sometimes its just seeking attention, and that they want to stay up. Its just like a baby who crys when you take something off them. If you never let the baby cry does that mean you give in to every demand?

I'm not putting a value of right or wrong on either decision, and I've only experience of our 12 month and the babies in the immediate family. We know the different between a cry for attention and a cry of distress, most of the time. Usually the latter is because hes got his foot stuck between the bars of the cot again!!! I do know that on certain nights, that if we go in for every cry we'd be up all night, and that hes testing the reaction he gets from us. Theres nothing wrong with him at all!!!

I think it has to be dependent on the child and their personality. I'm just interested in peoples opinion.

cajun_tiger

never let a baby cry they do it for the following reasons
1-hunger
2-nappy wet or dirty
3-need a cuddle
4-need warmth
5-are scared

when you are sad and need to be cared for how bad is it when everyone turns there backs on you.
it cause problems in the childs development

RicardoSmith

They also cry to get what they want no? Even if they shouldn't have it.

Johnny_the_fox

RicardoSmith wrote:

They also cry to get what they want no? Even if they shouldn't have it.

babys dont really know what they want.

after a few seconds they will forget what they were looking at and move on.

RicardoSmith

Johnny_the_fox wrote:

babys dont really know what they want.

after a few seconds they will forget what they were looking at and move on.

I agree and I disagree. My fella will go play with something else, wait for you to move away and then make a mad dash back to what he wanted originally. He'll see something that he can't reach, wait for you to stand near it, look for a hug, then as soon as you pick him up, he'll make a lunge for what is now within reach. Maybe hes particularly stubborn though.

But then other times if you distract him with something else, and he considers it more interesting he'll do that. But its the same with crying sometimes. After 2 mins hes forgotton what hes looking for and will stop and go do something else. Like sleep.

climaxer

RicardoSmith wrote:

I'm curious about the resistance to let a baby cry for a few minutes. Sometimes its just seeking attention, and that they want to stay up. Its just like a baby who crys when you take something off them. If you never let the baby cry does that mean you give in to every demand?

I'm not putting a value of right or wrong on either decision, and I've only experience of our 12 month and the babies in the immediate family. We know the different between a cry for attention and a cry of distress, most of the time. Usually the latter is because hes got his foot stuck between the bars of the cot again!!! I do know that on certain nights, that if we go in for every cry we'd be up all night, and that hes testing the reaction he gets from us. Theres nothing wrong with him at all!!!

I think it has to be dependent on the child and their personality. I'm just interested in peoples opinion.

I know where you're coming from about how much they will test you. But to me a cry is a cry and I can't ignore it. A winge perhaps but still I'm a big softie and worry that something is really wrong. Its a tough one really but I prefer not to take a chance. I still use a monitor and often my son will winge for a few mins but if it sounds anyway distressful I go up and check on him. Sometimes I go up and he just has a big grin and will say "mammy" but (as hard as it is sometimes) I just lie him down and stand outside the door - again he might winge for a few mins and each time I go in he smiles and thinks hes fooled me but I keep lying him down gently and tuck him in with his teddy and say its time for bed now and say really comforting things in a soft voice - this could happen 5 or 6 times but he soon realises I'm not falling for the "pretend cry". Fingers crossed this hasn't happend in a long time. I think the parents know themselves which is which. Every child is so different and each parent too but I feel I know my gut instinct when it comes to my child better than anyone which you do for your 12 month old.

Another thing I've learned which works a treat for kids. Start doing this from toddler stage. Its the ignore (well try your best) the bad behaviour like whinging, tantrums (as long as they are not in danger) and when they do something good eg. pick up a block from the ground and put it in the box praise them big time. My son used to just fling all the blocks out on the floor and look to get a reaction but I ignored him. Then one day he was putting them back in and I said good boy for helping Mammy clean up and he was delighted. I find that often as a parent when they are good and quiet we tend to ignore them and say leave them off when they are quiet and then when they are misbehaving we give them attention. The child will start to think ok I get lots of attention when I do naughty things and none when I'm sitting playing quietly but if we try and swap that around from an early age it really works. Well it does for me anyway. A great programme to watch for behaviour/sleep patterns and how to deal with it is "Little Angels" which is on BBC3 at 8:30 week nights.

climaxer

Reading back on that would have you to believe he is always perfectly well behaved and myself a perfect Mother! He is naturally placid but does he have his moments. I just met him for lunch with my Mam and he had a massive tantrum because he didn't want to go back into his buggy and I'll admit I had to use bribery and give him my mobile to play with - the whole restaurant were staring at us

cajun_tiger

RicardoSmith wrote:

I agree and I disagree. My fella will go play with something else, wait for you to move away and then make a mad dash back to what he wanted originally. He'll see something that he can't reach, wait for you to stand near it, look for a hug, then as soon as you pick him up, he'll make a lunge for what is now within reach. Maybe hes particularly stubborn though.

But then other times if you distract him with something else, and he considers it more interesting he'll do that. But its the same with crying sometimes. After 2 mins hes forgotton what hes looking for and will stop and go do something else. Like sleep.

your fella seems about toddler age am i right?

RicardoSmith

cajun_tiger wrote:

your fella seems about toddler age am i right?

Just about. 12.5 months. I've already gone through one mobile phone....

Our approach is the same as climaxer and worked for us, but we did it months ago.

cajun_tiger

ok well the let them cry thing i dont agree when they are babys but if he's a year + its probably time for routeen. pick a time for bed time and make it fun/sleep/interesting. this should be enough to get them down if they do the winge thing don't leave them for the simple reason is their wardrobe door maybe open and they think theres something there, or they had a bad dream, or they want reasurence that you are still there. think about a childs mind your the hero and ok sometimes you've gotta be hard but they come to you if you stop going to them who are they going to go to. my daughter choose her nana as her hero and lately is totaly lost because my mother cant handel it and has backed off so much that my little girl is ost. she knows she has me and has been using that alot latey but its because theres something going on. attention seeking happens because they need attention more than what their getting. no child crys for no reason

RicardoSmith

Our guy is mainly trying to get his way. The only think we've found him to be scared of was those springy door stops. He had a serious problem with the springy noise. But hes got over that.

We actually had lots of sleeping problems with him up until 8 weeks old and then started our bathtime/bedtime routine/increased feeds and he was fine from then. Well most of the time. But we did have to do the waiting at the door for 3 or 4 mins while he wimpered and gave out about the injustice of the world.

Hes a lot smarter than I thought a baby would be at this age. Hes quite sneaky. Funny to watch him hatching his plans.

ArthurDent

As babies never let them cry it out, now my two are nearly 4 and nearly 6 and caught the yournger guy "practising" crying the other day. Laughed so much I nearly puked. He was in my bedroom looking at the mirror and checking out how his face lookd when crying. I had to get my hubby to sneak in and take a look cos he didn't believe me.

Now 9 times out of 10 I find distraction works a treat when they are whining - giving them a choice - do you want to do x or y normally occupies those braincells enough for them to forget they were crying!