Cant connect

LegacyUser

i'm just wondering if I'm the only one who feels like they can't connect with other people? I have great friends and a fantastic family but I don't feel attached to them. Talking to them or even being around them has always felt like a huge effort and lately it feels worse.

I have had depression for a long time and got lots of help from professionals (psychiatrists & counsellors) for it. For the first time in a long time I am able to function "normally", work and go out etc but I cant get rid of this detached feeling.

Nothing excites me or upsets me, I'm like a robot, i just function but dont feel anything.

Mr.Nice Guy

Sounds to me like you're in a comfort zone and that you're existing rather than living.
A good tip would be to write down what you would like from your life and to set about doing it.If you want to lose weight,join a gym.If you want to feel stronger,take a self-defence class etc.
You cant feel comfortable around others if you're not comfortable with yourself.
Start doing things for yourself and that you find to be fun.

A good quote that I find inspiring is by Anais Nin:"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."

Hope that helps.

LegacyUser

"You cant feel comfortable around others if you're not comfortable with yourself.
Start doing things for yourself and that you find to be fun."

Thing is I do feel comfortable with myself, over the past few months my confidence in myself has grown enormously, I started doing things that i thought would be fun but I quickly lose interest. I just cant seem to get going, i have no drive or ambition.

As I said I have sought help and had extensive counselling but even the counsellor agreed that talking about things was not helping. She said I was only giving her facts about things and that she couldn't get a sense of feeling about anything I said. Things that should have upset me didn't.

What I'm really worried about is my lack of feelings towards others especially family and friends. I never feel any need to be around them even though I really like them, if i dont see them, I dont miss them. Its like , if they disappeared tomorrow I wouldn't be upset. This cant be right.

MrNuked

Definitely know that feeling, experienced it quite a lot to various degrees. Don't know why you get like that, and i don't know what you can do to stop being like that. The only thing that springs to my mind for me is my ex who I connected with straight away. Being interested in/stimulated by her made me more interested in everything else too; really lit my life up for me. I can think of a (very) few other people who can do the same sort of thing, although not as much, you know? No advice really, apart from maybe just hope you meet some interesting and genuine people.
...Getting people to engage with you is important if you are going to feel any connection with them I suppose. Smiling, listening and asking questions all encourage that.

Seraphina

i get the same kinda thing. everything seems 'not real' as such. im just wandering around feeling cold and empty and doing my thing.
its been alot worse recently since ive been having trouble with my friends and feeling incredibly lonely. but no one cares. life goes on. ya just gotta keep dragging your ass outta bed every morning hoping one day you'll be able to change things.

Sleepy

Life can be like that. I think we all go through patches of being semi-concious of life for a while. I've been the same way for almost 18 months now, raising my head from under the mind's duvet every now and then and as soon as whatever event woke me up a bit is over, diving straight back in there. I think it comes from not being happy with the way your life is at the moment, remembering how great it was at other times, or could be if only a few factors (in or outside of your control) would change. That can be just too painful to dwell on so we switch off and go into auto-pilot... or something like that. I'm too sober and it's too early...

milagro

sounds like "depersonalisation disorder", can occur with depression. Feeling empty, running on autopilot

arbeitsscheuer

Yeah, I've felt like this for quite a while as well... I live in a flat on my own, so I suppose that has a lot to do with it, but to be fair I see my mates most days of the week so it can't be the only reason. I just can't seem to connect with them, and I find myself wondering why it is that we r still mates at all. It doesn't seem worth the effort anymore.
Dunno why though...

MistressPandora

Tired wrote:

i'm just wondering if I'm the only one who feels like they can't connect with other people? I have great friends and a fantastic family but I don't feel attached to them. Talking to them or even being around them has always felt like a huge effort and lately it feels worse.

I have had depression for a long time and got lots of help from professionals (psychiatrists & counsellors) for it. For the first time in a long time I am able to function "normally", work and go out etc but I cant get rid of this detached feeling.

Nothing excites me or upsets me, I'm like a robot, i just function but dont feel anything.

This is taken from www.familydoctor.co.uk, (preview books online, click depression and then just read, it's really helpful)
Emotional numbness: Some people who are severely depressed say they feel like they have completely lost their emotions and this is one of the most distressing symptoms of depression. You feel numb. You can’t cry and feel like there are no tears left. You may not feel that you are part of the world because you do not think you have feelings. You may feel distant and unfeeling about even people very close to you like your partner, family or children.

I've been through this, and a lot of people who I know have also been through this. It's a very tough situation, you could be watching the funniest movie on Earth and still, not even so much as a smile from your lips. Unfortunately, there's not much that can be done, but what I did was surround myself with inspirational things, like art, music, movies (Vanilla Sky sort of thing). It's a process that takes a while, but once you're out of it, it's a beautiful feeling.
Best of luck!

DonkeyStyle \o/

Tired wrote:

Nothing excites me or upsets me, I'm like a robot, i just function but dont feel anything.

That's word-for-word something I could have typed a few years ago... I totaly understand that one.
I find certain kinds of music really help you surface the emotions that seem so deeply burried... experiment with classical music, then throw on some Marilyn Manson or something... see if it feels at all different.
Maybe start a diary aswell, it can be helpful to see your thoughts in print... just let your thoughts flow out onto the page, whatever they might be, then read over them... kind of helped me understand myself a bit better

If you can't connect with people, try a different approach... I think you can be surprised with the unexpected depths of people you think you know... where the hum-drum shít they'd usualy be talking about seems boring, open a line of conversation on something you'd like to talk about.
A lot of times I'd find myself with something important (to me) on my mind, and the whole time I'd be listening to them talk about something I couldn't care less about.
I know when you're seriously depressed, sometimes all you feel like doing is sitting there listening and not taking much control, but in my experience it's possible to break new ground with people you already know on topics you never knew they had oppinions on or experience of... makes them a lot more interesting from then on I find
I don't know if any of this is relevant to you, but make of it what you will.

Congrats on getting out into the workplace aswell, it's like getting in for a swim in the sea... looks far too cold from the beach, but it's fine after you've been in for a dip

flygirl

Tired wrote:

Nothing excites me or upsets me, I'm like a robot, i just function but dont feel anything.

Sorry to hear about this, having been through it with a former partner and a family member i really feel for you.
Are you on anti-depressants? Sometimes they can deaden the emotions altogether - ok great they've stopped you feeling down but after a period of time they can leave you feeling kinda numb.
If you are on medication, it may be one to discuss with your doctor....I know you might not feel like going through the hassle of changing medication but at least you'll have options.

Sounds like you're getting there though, good luck

ferdi

welcome to me world...i feel detatched from reality most of the time

secret_squirrel

Seraphina wrote:

but no one cares.

We care Sera.

Must admit Im having a period like that too - havent done a days work all week - everything seems like too much effort - prolly got it a lot less than you guys. Got home from the afters of one of my best mates wedding at the weekend and just burst into tears - shocked the life out of me - still cant figure out the why I did it. Granted both booze and cold remedies had been taken - but never be like that before - hoping something gives me a kick in the ass to get out of this mood. The gym has done it before - now if only I can find the will to actually go to it.

Could it be a bit of SAD??

cerebus

secret_squirrel wrote:

Got home from the afters of one of my best mates wedding at the weekend and just burst into tears - shocked the life out of me - still cant figure out the why I did it.

Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe the whole "always the bridesmaid, never the bride" thing is getting to you?

Nasty_Girl

to the original poster,
give it time, if you're just comin out of depression you need to give yourself and the people around a chance to settle

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your support. I dont feel like i'm the only one and that I WILL get over this. Trying to get to know people on a deeper level is a good idea, I will give that a go.

secret_squirrel

cerebus wrote:

Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe the whole "always the bridesmaid, never the bride" thing is getting to you?

LOL you've just made my night - really cheered me up. Cant imagine myself being the bride - being a man and all. Anyone who saw me coming up the aisle in a white dress would be justified in running a mile. :eek: