A Smile Too Far

Paladin

I spent about a half hour writing this short story today. I dont know why, I guess I just felt like it. Ive never written anything like this before, so its something very new for me.
Anyway, have a read and tell me what you think.

A Smile Too Far

Sean pinned David up against the wall. Sadly this was a common occurrence. Sean was big for his age. Very big. Broad shouldered, athletic and muscular, he stood a head over the next biggest 16-year-old in the school. He had short curly black hair, with a freckled slightly pudgy face, always wearing a taunting, arrogant expression. Nobody liked him.
For over three years David had been his chief target for bullying. Not the smallest in the year, David had a thin sinewy frame, and was of average height. A quiet, submissive boy, who kept mostly to himself. This is what attracted Sean's attention in the first place. Anyone who isn't vocal and loud is a target. David had never fought back. It would be pointless. He was no match physically for Sean who had many times shown that his temper was something to be reckoned with.
Today however, something was different. I saw it in his eyes. Gone was the fear and nervousness. I saw a new steel embody itself in him. His eyes narrowed, filled with anger, rage, and hatred as he stared at his taunter. His jaw was clenched, grinding his teeth in fury. It was a remarkable sight. He had always been so mild. Then I knew. He had taken enough. Something inside of him had finally snapped. Slowly, his hand clenched into a fist. His breathing grew rapid, and fury engulfed him.

Sean had been laughing when David hit him. Blood splashed from his nose, as his expression went suddenly blank. David swung furiously, punches raining in, a torrent of hatred overflowing. He wasn't going to take it anymore. Three long years he had endured torment, teasing, bullying, and sometimes beatings. Now he unleashed all of that back upon Sean. At first the surprise had stunned Sean. He had never expected this. A sharp pain overcame his shock, and this spurned on his anger. His face, red from blood streaming from his nose, contorted in rage. He let loose with vicious punches and kicks, slamming into his smaller opponent.
A crowd had gathered, shouting and cheering the bloodlust. I realised that Sean's superior size and strength were too much for David. Yet, despite this he fought on. Fuelled by hatred he battled. Wildly swinging, he caught Sean under the eye, opening a large gash. A vicious retaliatory blow knocked him from his feet, as Sean began to regain the edge. Clambering to his feet, another blow slammed into his jaw, followed by an elbow. Fury had taken him so far, but now Sean's strength was prevailing. Still he fought, ignoring the pain burning in his broken jaw. The crowd began to sense an end to his resistance. Looking for a finishing blow, Sean half succeeded with a kick to the groin. The crowd grimaced with David as he stumbled backwards. It looked like the end.

Then I saw it again. Another change in David. In his eyes. Now the anger was gone. Expression had left his face, leaving behind a errie emptiness. It was as if all meaning had left his life. What I saw in his eyes, was the look of a man already dead. I felt a shiver run down my spine. He looked evil. There is no other word for it. I don't know if anyone else saw this change as it happened, but a hush began to creep over the crowd.
Even David's posture had changed. No longer was he in a defensive crouch. He stood straight and tall. He seemed to be twice as tall as before, and no longer looked inferior to his opponent. Sean hadn't seen the change. He was overcome with anger, closing in to make the final blow. His fist went straight towards David's face, but his face wasn't there.

The last thing Sean saw, was David's jabbing fingers plunge into his eye, mushing soft jelly to a pulp. This was instantly followed by a snapping blow to his thorax, choking him of breath. An elbow slammed into his temple, followed by a lightening uppercut to his jaw, making a sickening cracking sound, as both hand and jaw shattered.
His punches weren't wild any longer. Every move David made was executed with lethal efficiency. A terrifying fear rose in my stomach, as the realisation dawned upon me. David wasn't going to stop until he had killed him. Semi-conscious and covered in blood, Sean blubbered in pain, choking out unheeded utterances of mercy.

To this day I still have nightmares, of the mangled corpse being zipped up and carried away. When asked, nobody who was present that day can say why they stood still and did nothing. Gripped by fear and shock, we had all watched, as a mild, shy boy, committed a brutal and sickening murder. Ill never forget the look upon his face, as he raised his hands, dripping in blood, to stare at them, and smile. Two lives lost.

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plastic membrane

I like it. Good. And i know how hard it is to write short stories, so extra kudos man...

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Im going to the bear fights tomorrow, want to come with ??

Stephen

Bravo

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- Munch

Steven

Only two replies? I was expecting more acclaim from the people at this board, who I assume to be less criticising and cynical than those bastids who only read the quake board

Shiminay

WOW!

Fair play Pal - truly gripping stuff (no I'm not taking the mickey)!

I think you should definitely write more often

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All the best,