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~Boxed in~

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  • 07-11-2004 11:48pm
    #1
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭


    An empty cubicle
    Vacant work space
    How long would it take
    Before you realize no one's been sitting there for weeks?

    If you stepped into the apartment
    Heard despondence in the form of music
    Wafting through the walls
    On repeat
    Would you automatically assume I'm struggling inside?

    Walking along the longest pier in the world
    Head bent to the bull****-detector of melancholy
    Would you sense the victory of buffer-less hurt
    As it finally overtook me?

    My multitude of robes fallen to the floor
    Failed cleansing products tucked neatly inside the press
    The sound of the shower an unoriginal cover
    In case you guess my intent
    Would you ponder over the amount of hot water?


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    summer_ina_bowl
    Registered Users Posts: 410 ✭✭summer_ina_bowl


    That flows really well, it's erm, "nice".


  • Options
    #3
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭shiv


    Thanks summer :)


  • Options
    #4
    luckat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,366 ✭✭✭luckat


    Depressing but good.

    You really think melancholy detects anything, though? I always think it distorts.

    I love the tight discipline of this poem, the way the scansion stays right on target, yet it's subtle, with a graceful flow.


  • Options
    #5
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭shiv


    luckat wrote:
    Depressing but good.

    You really think melancholy detects anything, though? I always think it distorts.

    I love the tight discipline of this poem, the way the scansion stays right on target, yet it's subtle, with a graceful flow.

    Hi luckat, thanks for your response.
    Yes I do think melancholy detects the truth, the harshness of which we shield ourselves against to just get through. Of course it also has the power to distort, it all depends on how you you use it.
    Anyway, thanks for positive feedback.


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