How to turn a girl down politely

LegacyUser

Think I'll post this unregistered rather than sound like a dick. It's not like I'm having luck with the ladies or anything but this one girl is wrecking my head lately. Woke up beside her one morning, not a clue in the world where I was but at least nothing happened. So went out with her the following evening to see if I was as interested sober as I was drunk. Another kiss and a cuddle later I decided that was enough for me and basically only replied to texts, didn't ring etc.

Yeah I was basically being an asshole but I never actually slept with her or anything. This was over a year ago and the girl stills texts me every so often wanting to meet up or whatever. I stupidely met up with her to go to the cinema once and needless to say she couldn't have been more obvious. I didn't kiss or her and tried to make it subtlely clear that I don't have time for a girlfriend. Being blatantly honest that I haven't been seeing anyone

Now she only bloodly well has me on her MSN and I caught out every now and again. She keeps dropping the oh so subtle hints, enquiring about my love life every couple of line. I wish I could tell her to feck off, but I'm hardly a ladies man and know what it's like to be single and lonesome. Don't want to offend the poor girl but my strategy so far has been to ignore her and that doesn't seem to be working. Should I just out and out lie and say I have a girlfriend next time she stalks me down? I'd just feel so awkward about it and don't really want to lie, but then again I don't want to confront her about it because she's obviously fragile. I just think that every time she hears that I don't have a g/f but don't have time for one all she's doing is entering Dumb and Dumber mode and that little hamster running around in her brain is saying 'So you're telling me there's a chance'

Yours sincerely

One stupid boy

PS will happily settle for some none offensive version of welcome to dumpsville, population you

Crucifix

You could try offering to set her up with a mate or something maybe?

The Clown Man

Gay.

Your actually gay. Just got out of the closet.

Sorted.

Sherifu

The Clown Man wrote:

Gay.

Your actually gay. Just got out of the closet.

Sorted.

Are you stiffler from american pie?
As soon as i read it i thought thats a stiffler line

Lisapeep

Whats wrong with just being honest with her and saying you're not interested in a relationship with her? That wouldnt be hurtful and most people appreciate honesty in these situations. I'm sure she wouldn't like to know that she's being stringed along!

Agent Smith

The Clown Man wrote:

Gay.

Your actually gay. Just got out of the closet.

Sorted.

i see a ban coming......

ShiverinEskimo

The Clown Man wrote:

Gay.

Your actually gay. Just got out of the closet.

Sorted.

Brilliant...love it.

No real way to let her down easy i guess. Best approach is just to be honest and tell her your not into her as much as she is into you. And hence it would never work. I reckon then she might at least respect you when bitching to her friends about you...

Tough situ...

Kevin_rc_ie

i actually think his advice was to tell her that he is gay and then she'll stop trying to bed him.

ShiverinEskimo

i know what his advice was. i acknowledged the humour behind it then moved on to voice my opinion...

[edit] apologies...don't think you were talking to me[/edit]

Gordon

Yes that's a good one!

I don't think Kevin was referring to your post ShiverinEskimo.

Just start hinting at her that you like watching Spartacus A LOT!

jonny68

The Clown Man wrote:

Gay.

Your actually gay. Just got out of the closet.

Sorted.

dazberry

Geez, don't tell her your gay. At best she'll just tell everyone you've ever met. At worst she'll also want you to go shopping with her and follow the stereotypes of your "new found" fashion knowledge while she tries to convert/let go you. BTW: No this hasn't happened to me but I know someone that out of desperation did - took a few years for him to live it down.

In the meantime, just tell her your not interested nicely. No excuses, not buts, minimise vague hopes, just simply - this is it as is. She probably won't listen, but when she eventually gets the message and start bad mouthing / playing the victim etc, how you led her on for years... Then when people start to come up and give you sh1t, you have a definitive point in time that you can say - hold on - do you know that...

D.

Third_Echelon

just give her 'one' and get it out of the way... but the thing is you could do 'it' very badly... shoot the beans after a few seconds and then fall asleep... no girl is going to stick around after that....

passive

I've kinda been in that position and opted for telling her i just didn't feel that way. It was uncomfortable and kinda messed up my friendship with her for a long time but there was no other way to get across my sudden loss of interest without lying.

If she doesn't figure out that you don't want to be with her from the way you speak to her/don't speak to her (i'm assuming you don't flirt with her and stuff to throw her off) then there shouldn't be anything wrong with simply telling her you don't feel that way about her.

oh, and with regards to the msn problem: "my pc's been acting up recently..." *permanent block*

Stark

The Clown Man wrote:

Gay.

Your actually gay. Just got out of the closet.

Sorted.

Do and you end up stuck with a fag hag which is worse than a girlfriend

AngryBadger

Lisapeep wrote:

Whats wrong with just being honest with her and saying you're not interested in a relationship with her? That wouldnt be hurtful and most people appreciate honesty in these situations. I'm sure she wouldn't like to know that she's being stringed along!

how is he stringing her along?....also stringed?

Boston

Kevin_rc_ie wrote:

i actually think his advice was to tell her that he is gay and then she'll stop trying to bed him.

You would think that, but the truth is far from it. I was in a similar situation once, my approach was to tell her to get the fuk out of my bed... hey I never claimed not to be a ****.

Lisapeep

AngryBadger wrote:

how is he stringing her along?....also stringed?

By not telling her that she's wasting her time on him! Once she knows, then she can focus her flirting on someone who might return her feelings!

AngryBadger

Lisapeep wrote:

By not telling her that she's wasting her time on him! Once she knows, then she can focus her flirting on someone who might return her feelings!

ok,that's not an entirely unreasonable response,but in fairness if she's been trying the guy for a year,and he's telling her there is no spoon...sorry girlfriend,but he's still not interested....shouldn't she be getting the hint?

Or is there some kind of secret woman code I'm not privy to....hey it's happened before

MrVestek

Badger: It's women's logic... it's not supposed to make any logical sense whatsoever. I too would opt for the honest approach however, she may end up hating you, she may end up appreciating the fact that you were (eventually) honest with her. Who knows? It's up to you wether you wanna take the plunge or not.

Aava

I've had something similar in the past. I kept dropping hints that I wasn't interested but trying to be nice at the same time. Finally I had to tell him sternly (but not aggressively) that I no meant no, and he got the message.

If that's any use to you...

AngryBadger

Achilles wrote:

Badger: It's women's logic... it's not supposed to make any logical sense whatsoever.

I always forget that part :rolleyes:

pickarooney

Got stalked like that once. I actually had a girlfriend though, which didn't seem to bother her. It lasted until I moved to Ireland. When I moved back, I started a new job and she was working in the room next door. But she'd calmed down and seen sense by then and there were no hard feelings.
I don't think any of this is really relevant, but if the girl still hasn't understood that you're not interested, there's no soft way of telling her. In all fairness you have told her by the simple fact of not responding to her advances and she's not listening.

What you could do, maybe, is a bit of role-reversal and tell her you see her as too much of a friend to want to make anything else of it. Put her on your ladder.

Actually, that might be a good way of splitting the ladies into two categories - lad and ladder. If you wouldn't put them on one, put them on the other.

meditraitor

I cant really help, but just curious about the best way to give the bullit.

Do Woman really appreciate being told that its not going to work?? honesty and all,

Im in the same situation*nearly, I sleep with her now and again* no chemistry there though!!!
Im thinking of telling her, Should I? or just ignore her.. and hope she goes away?

Bottle_of_Smoke

Sounds like she's in love with you or at least absoloutly mad about ya so its gonna hurt her no matter what.

Until she says something concrete you dont have to do anything, right now I think you should confide in her about a girl YOU really like

ven0m

Justsayno wrote:

Think I'll post this unregistered rather than sound like a dick. It's not like I'm having luck with the ladies or anything but this one girl is wrecking my head lately. Woke up beside her one morning, not a clue in the world where I was but at least nothing happened. So went out with her the following evening to see if I was as interested sober as I was drunk. Another kiss and a cuddle later I decided that was enough for me and basically only replied to texts, didn't ring etc.

Yeah I was basically being an asshole but I never actually slept with her or anything. This was over a year ago and the girl stills texts me every so often wanting to meet up or whatever. I stupidely met up with her to go to the cinema once and needless to say she couldn't have been more obvious. I didn't kiss or her and tried to make it subtlely clear that I don't have time for a girlfriend. Being blatantly honest that I haven't been seeing anyone

Now she only bloodly well has me on her MSN and I caught out every now and again. She keeps dropping the oh so subtle hints, enquiring about my love life every couple of line. I wish I could tell her to feck off, but I'm hardly a ladies man and know what it's like to be single and lonesome. Don't want to offend the poor girl but my strategy so far has been to ignore her and that doesn't seem to be working. Should I just out and out lie and say I have a girlfriend next time she stalks me down? I'd just feel so awkward about it and don't really want to lie, but then again I don't want to confront her about it because she's obviously fragile. I just think that every time she hears that I don't have a g/f but don't have time for one all she's doing is entering Dumb and Dumber mode and that little hamster running around in her brain is saying 'So you're telling me there's a chance'

Yours sincerely

One stupid boy

PS will happily settle for some none offensive version of welcome to dumpsville, population you

Mate - be straight-up & honest with her. She'll appreciate it alot more & will get over it alot quicker. There is NO substitution for the truth & messing people around [ye know yourself] is not cool. Tell her you're flattered by her interest, but you're just not interested in seeing anyone at the moment & that it wouldn't be fair to keep her dangling or lead her on to believe anything could happen.

Yeah - the truth hurts, but it's easier to deal with than finding out the wrong/hard way & dealing with it as the bitterness factor always makes it harder to deal with & get over....

::: ven0mous :::

BEAT

it;s ok you can tell me, err Her I wont mind...sorry, she wont mind. Honesty is the best policy.

She probably thought you were interested because she thought you answered her flirts and never told her you didnt really like her , I...err she probably just thought it was bad timing and was waiting for the right time.

Tell her straight out , it will sting at first, but I...umm, she will be happier in the end no wasting any more time or effort on something that will never happen.

Sorry, I mean I think she would be sorry for bothering you more than anything.

cajun_tiger

Its called Honesty us girls understand and accept honesty very well its the lies we cant handel!!!

seamus

Here is a list of all the responses that will work, foolproof, in plain simple english for any woman:
































































<end>

Seriously, women are a conundrum. If you tell her you're not interested, she may become more interested. If you continue to string her along, sleep with her when you feel low, she may become more interested. If you go out with her, she may become more interested. If you have a blazing row in public with her, and tell her that she's the last woman on earth you'll ever sleep with, she may become more interested.

By exactly the same virtue, each of the above tactics may also work in giving her the message.

Chances are, if she hasn't made her intentions clear, you'll tell her you're not interested, she'll deny that she was ever making moves, become upset and stop talking to you.

That's about the best outcome you can hope for. Either that or bring her out, get her drunk enough to try it on with you, then nicely tell her you're not interested. Don't get her too drunk or you'll be stuck with a girl sobbing for hours about how unattractive and worthless she is.

As I say, conundrum.

WhiteWashMan

cajun_tiger wrote:

Its called Honesty us girls understand and accept honesty very well its the lies we cant handel!!!

until you start boiling the bunnies!

:eek:

BEAT

oh btw, please give me a call, i mean her a call and tell her..no texts you can even put it in an email if ya like

superfly

tell her you are in love with someone else and are holding out for them and couldnt possibly get into a relationship now or some other stupid thing that i've seen in a movie like being an alien from the planet quatllob

pickarooney

BEAT wrote:

it;s ok you can tell me, err Her I wont mind...sorry, she wont mind. Honesty is the best policy.

She probably thought you were interested because she thought you answered her flirts and never told her you didnt really like her , I...err she probably just thought it was bad timing and was waiting for the right time.

Tell her straight out , it will sting at first, but I...umm, she will be happier in the end no wasting any more time or effort on something that will never happen.

Sorry, I mean I think she would be sorry for bothering you more than anything.

Am I missing something here?

Ren0

The Clown Man wrote:

Gay.

Your actually gay. Just got out of the closet.

Sorted.

In worked for Mel Gibson in "What Women Want"


Not that i've seen it or anything...

banquo

tell her that you like her but cant go out with her because [insert plausible and flattering reason here], and watch in amazement as it all backfires and you somehow end up with the blame.

OLDYELLAR

well to be fair if ignoring her isnt giving her the hint , you should offer to set her up with a friend , say thats how you and your girlfriend got together , oh p.s did i mention i had a girlfreind so feck off but more subtle ,
if that dont work then you might just have to go the oh its not you its me route , yea its not you its me not having anytime for you thats the problem so please stop stalking me take a hint .hope it works out for ya but ya gotta be cruel to be kind sorta

Sharza-

Hah, been in this situation before.

Me and the girl had been friends for a while same kind of deal you two had going. She used to allways drop hints, ect, and even her friend told me once that she was really mad about me and wanted us to go out. So after weeks of being blunt (but not rude) and not flirting at all she still hadnt got the message I decided I would bite the bullet and tell her, "look, I really do like you, but not in that way, your a great friend and I really would love it just to stay that way" or something of that sort.

Guess freakin what, she explodes, "you cocky git, I was never interested in you at all, never made any moves, welcome to reality you muppet no girl wants you" then she stormed off.

Weve become friends again in the last few months and she without me trying to get it out of her admited that she really did have feelings for me and just tried to protect her dignity by destroying mine :eek: !


Anyway, I've decided what I will do if I'm ever in the same situation, and what I think you should do. First off, any kind of honesty is going to hurt her bigtime regardless of what people will tell you, this might be because girls dont have to deal with rejection as much as us because its usualy them who gets asked out, ect..

Every night I'm out, what do I see, muppet fellas chasing around girls around pubs and clubs with drinks they bought them, the girl leads them on (sometimes they dont just the fella is too daft), takes the drink and then legs it.

Anyway so from the above example, heres what you should do in my opinion. Take her out to the pub or a nightclub, and get her to buy you drink for the night, then at 5 to 2, go chat up some other woman

Lads 1 : Ladies 0 (well 231,141,762,476 really )