I am gay.....What now?

LegacyUser

Ok, I'm a regular visitor to Boards but staying anonymous, have somewhat of a good name aroyund here and I'm gay, 15(16 at the end of the month) and only come out to one person in the world...my best friend!

He was very respective when I told him, and seemed to take it as normal news...He still is respective towards me and I thank him for that.

What I've realised is I've come to a point where I am sexually mature, know that I'm gay.... but how and when to come out to people remains a mystery! I feel I don't want to come out to the my whole school, just a few close friends who will be supportive. I'd like to come out to my mum(not my dad, he gives me enough **** already) but I don't really want to hurt anyone or think of me negatively in a homophobic way. I know I can't stop my friends thinking this, but I hope at least my mum will be supportive.

If ayone can give advice oon how to come out in a postive way, please do.

OK, another thing that bugs me is I live in the countryside, but I don't know any other LGB people and there is no socities near me to join. If anyone knows of advice phonelines or websites that could also help me, I wouldbe grateful if you could reply to the topic with some.

the_syco

I live in the countryside

If you live up the north, check out here.

If you live in Cork, try here.

Finally, have a browse through the links here.

azezil

Gay switch board, someone to talk to about gay issues and the like:
01 8721055

As for when, how to tell people, just do it when you feel you're ready too, no rush, no pressure

mad m

i just thought if you dont mind my two cents....You will probably be surprised when you tell your mam that she had always known or might of guessed,so telling her is very brave of you and one more step in the right direction.

Goodluck with it all...

Boston

(First Off I'm presuming your a Lad, so sorry if your not)

You may be a mature 15/16 year old, but I doubt that all yer mates are, or for that matter all the people in your school. Think out all the possibilities. If just one of them let it slip then how would you react? Some teachers are quiet openly hostile to sexuality deviations from the norm, can you handle being stuck in a class, listening to someone, and you know how his/her head up their arse. Most guys I know that decided back at your age kept it to themselves. They had to deal with the constant fear of people finding out of challenging them over it. You have to decide what type of school you go to and weather or not you want to take that chance.

Just look at it from every angle. Are you positive in your own mind. It's one thing to be sure; it’s another to convey that convincingly to your friends and family. Are you willing to have lengthy discussions several times about your private life with others?

clearz

I have been finnished school a few years now and know of a few people that have come out after they left school. The school I went to was all boys and was pretty cruel towards people who were "different". If I were you Id keep it quiet until you leave school. I mean there is no reason why you should have to tell the school anyway. It is nobodys business. If you are going to tell any of your mates make sure they are very close.

fletch

Personally I would not advise coming out in school! I waited until I was finished school & established in college before I came out. It's amazing how different peoples reactions were than I had expected. Most fellas that I thought would have beaten me up in school for being gay have actually come up & shaken my hand & said well done. But I think if I had of come out in school, they would have reacted very differently, what with the mob mentality of schools clics.
Just be very careful who you tell, make sure you can trust them.

segadreamcast

I'm 16 now - and have come out to quite a few close friends over the years. Additionally I inadvertantly was 'thrown out' to my parents (not by my parents - I must stress) as they found some incriminating evidence.

Nonetheless, it's healthy to tell one or two friends - but be careful beyond that, like Boston said - other people may not be as forgiving as your best friend is. Indeed, with regards to your mum - she will still love you deep down no matter what - however, before you tell her, it's always advisable to get her opinion on gay people first. Perhaps casually mention a gay celebrity or something... I'm not sure - whatever course of action you consider best.

For me, the coming out started at your age (15) - it was when I just turned 15 actually, I told a few of my friends. There was a fairly silent response to it - no surprise, no shock, no upset, just acceptance. I hope you find the same.

I am MAN

Im not gay but just wanted to point out one thing

You posted under a different name dont be ashamed of what you are if you have a good name your sexuality wont change that.


best of luck.

Boston

Perhaps casually mention a gay celebrity or something... I'm not sure - whatever course of action you consider best.

Then you get the whole "Not in my backyard attitude". Most people are grand with it, when its funny little men with good fashion sense who drinks mocha's in italian cafe's or buch lesbian men haters. When it someone closer to some there's a problem. Cause they don't want their baby to be like that. Also people in general will be grand with it, untill you actually start expressing it being playfull/touchy with a member of the same sex around them, at that stage they don't like it. Why do you think will and grace is so popular in main stream, its because despite all the talk, no one actually does anything on screen.

Anyway, that was an aside. Personally speaking few 15 year old are able to handle being told that. They either lack the life experience to form their own opinions(just follow the parents line on it) or are so feiced up with their own sexuality doubts to look at it subjectively. I know that if I had been told at 15 that my friend was gay, I would have taken quiet badly. You can't fault people at 15 for taking badly so all this "if you where really my friend you'd understand" stuff is bull, you also can't predict their reactions. Be prepared to loose friends, and be prepared to become closer to others. You'll be surprised who falls into each catagory.

clearz

Q I am gay.....What now?

Go out and get the ride

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

I am MAN wrote:

You posted under a different name dont be ashamed of what you are if you have a good name your sexuality wont change that.

well, it is god advice this, but the reason why I'm posting anon is because my older brother's go on boards too, which if I did post with my name, I'd more thank likely be found out and I really don't want that to happen.

segadreamcast

Boston wrote:

Then you get the whole "Not in my backyard attitude".

Yes, but you still bring the topic to the front of their minds - letting them know that such things do exist in the world.

Perhaps he could casually mention someone who is in their backyard (not litreally) that's gay - if such a person exists.

From my experience Boston, many 15 year olds have handled my coming out quite well - admittedly, they have been better at 16. However, as of yet, I have still never had a 'negative' coming out - so your point there seems to be backed up by assumption and lack of experience in the issue. Of course, everybody is different...

uberwolf

Anon_J wrote:

[I am]15
What I've realised is I've come to a point where I am sexually mature

to be fair, you're neither sexually mature, nor mature at all. One of the funniest things that I learned as I matured was to see where I was/am relative to others. The changes which will occur over the coming years will be massive

Anon_J wrote:

know that I'm gay....

of course everything above has nothing to do with /\/\/\ which you probably do know.

newgrange

You could email the people at http://www.belongto.org/

Even if you can't manage to attend one of their meetings, they might be able to offer support.

Boston

NoelRock wrote:

From my experience Boston, many 15 year olds have handled my coming out quite well - admittedly, they have been better at 16. However, as of yet, I have still never had a 'negative' coming out - so your point there seems to be backed up by assumption and lack of experience in the issue. Of course, everybody is different...

Allot of people have really fuked up notions in their head as to what it means to be gay. As I said most people are grand with you being gay, once you keep the actual sexual side of it to yourself. i bet some, deep down don't believe it, cause it's hard to suddenly think of a friend in a different way, cause of a few words. How many of these mature 15 year olds would you be confortable doing stuff in the presence of? All that said maybe thats your group of friends, and maybe they have reached that level of maturity, most won't have. I doubt things have changed that much since I was 16 (all of 3 years ago).

mercadillo: what would you define as coming out.