(very bad)Irish poetry explosion

Dothee

I was reading through poems on http://homepage.eircom.net/~irishpoetryexplosion/frame.html
I tried to find a very good one to talk about but instead found a very bad.

Puppy Lament
By Derek Walsh

Little dog, you lie there slowly dying
howls of pain, to me, you sing
god shows a way to stop this poor crying
fly away sweetly on death's black wing.

Doggie, you lie there clinging to life
as the viruses eat away your inside
why must you clasp to the last strains of strife
when from this crippling pain you can truly hide.

Dog, you fought well but the battle is over
the cold grip of death pulls hard on your leash
parasites feast upon the brain of poor Rover
soon to be corpse where maggots shall feast

Some very bad mistakes were
1. In the second stanza last line it says "when from this crippling pain you can truly hide" if has it says that the dog is dieing slowly of a viruse that is eating his insides of course you wouldn't be able to hide it. It is totally condradictory to what he had already written.
2.He says "viruses eat away your insides"
but later says"parasites feast upon the brain of rover"
Viruses are differant to parasites. condradictory again
3.At the start of eack Stanza it says Little dog, Doggie,
and Dog. I know it said slow death but I doubt it took long enough for the puppy to grow into a dog while it happened.

Anyone else found any very good/bad poems and want to post about them

pork99

It made me weep anyway

HellsBalls

Dothee wrote:

Some very bad mistakes were
1. In the second stanza last line it says "when from this crippling pain you can truly hide" if has it says that the dog is dieing slowly of a viruse that is eating his insides of course you wouldn't be able to hide it. It is totally condradictory to what he had already written.
2.He says "viruses eat away your insides"
but later says"parasites feast upon the brain of rover"
Viruses are differant to parasites. condradictory again
3.At the start of eack Stanza it says Little dog, Doggie,
and Dog. I know it said slow death but I doubt it took long enough for the puppy to grow into a dog while it happened.

I dont think he means the dog can hide the viruses under a blanket for example. I think this poem is encouraging the dog to accept death as inevitable and it is only prolonging the pain by fighting. If the dog just dies it will feel no more pain. In death the dog will escape the mortal clutches of pain.
He never says the virus is an exclusive ailment. The dog seems to be very ill from a number of causes yet chooses to fight for life even though it is futile. Perhaps he means the main illness of the dog is its voracity for life in the face of certain death? Besides, the dog appears to be dead by the time of that verse, so the dog is decomposing and maybe that's why there are maggots? Maybe the dog wasn't love9 and nobody was there to bury him?
I dont think he is talking about a dog, I think it is a metaphor for life and how life is lusted after even when death would be easier. The dog is an easily visualised medium.
I like this poem it is more clever than it first appears and should not be read literally. Thats what I think anyway.

Did you read this one?

Now I lay me down to sleep
With a bottle of sleeping pills to eat
This world has seen the last of me
A bloated corpse sent out to see

When I was young I couldn't lose
Days and nights of dust and booze
Black tooth blow jobs and dirty screws
Now veins are clogged with lard and ooze

A mercenary time is this
Where is this imaginary Dublin bliss
Walk dirty streets which stink of piss
Dirty air which tastes like lepers kiss

This is the time to kill the blind
And wound the fools of feeble mind
Aye, I shall leave this all behind
A bloated corpse for them to find


That fella has big problems

goin'_to_the_PS

HellsBalls wrote:

I dont think he is talking about a dog, I think it is a metaphor for life and how life is lusted after even when death would be easier

I couldn't agree more yet i think dothee had a very good piont about the poem being condradictory .i say dothee meant that he wouldn't of been able to cover up his pain when he said "hide"
Pretty good one you got but don't see why he had to make it ryme. Will try to find one to talk about

pork99

http://homepage.eircom.net/~irishpo...sion/frame.html

Excellent site. Do I detect the influence of Jem Casey in many of these budding talents? Perhaps Tim Jaffa ( http://homepage.eircom.net/~irishpoetryexplosion/jaffa1.html ) is the Jem Casey of the 21st century?

goin'_to_the_PS

trying to get one still