Getting her back...

LegacyUser

OK, my gf just split with me after 5yrs & has spent the last week living with a guy she works with who had been texting her for the last few months (found out about it a whjile back & she dismissed it as harmless etc).
Dont seem to be coping too well with it at all (cant eat, or sleep much etc).
She is completely shutting me out & I feel as though he is controlling her because when she rang to tell me she agreed to meet up but when she got off he obviously convinced her otherwise & she rang back on his phone to cancel.
I know I deserve what I get because she has hurt me so badly & is showing no respect for me whatsoever, but I would still take her back.
What bothers me most though is losing her friendship which I dont feel is necessary. I've had daily contact with this person for that lenght of time & I feel bereaved more than dumped.
I'd do anything to regain her friendship even but I have no way of doing it as she wont answer my (infrequent) calls or reply to txts.
I havent done anything to deserve this treatment, but we did have our problems (mainly a negative attitude towards our relationship on her part).
Any advice appreciated.

Memnoch

she doesn't deserve you m8.

You are a nice guy and i can only feel bad for you as it must really hurt.

she doesn't sound like a nice person and tbh you deserve much better.

Unfortunately when one is in this kind of situation it doesn't matter what anyone says, because you feel so horrible. Still it WILL get better with time, time is a great healer. I think you should move on and try to forget about her. She is not worth any more of your life than you have already given to her.

NeMiSiS

The sooner the better you turn around and walk away from her, it's the hardest thing in the world to do mate, but if you don't you are gonna be feeling like crap for an awful long time.

super_furry

Gotta agree here. It might not be what you want to hear, but from the sounds of things, it's best to make a clean break and try to get over her instead of prolonging the agony.

aliveandkicking

I was in a similar situation recently. I just couldn't move on but she shut me out completely. I texted and rang her (not persistantly maybe once a week) but she just ignored me and started being nasty. So I wrote her a letter where I poured my heart out to her and told her how much she meant to me and how much I missed spending time with her and would she at least be friends with me. I heard nothing but after a few days she texted me. We started texting regularly and then we saw each other occasionly just as friends. A couple of months went by as just being friends and then she asked me if I would like to get back together. So now we are back together and things are better than ever because we are now good friends aswell as being lovers.

So maybe just maybe you might have a chance with her - write her a letter tell her how much you miss her and ask her will she be friends with you. Pretend thats all you want - friendship. It worked for me so you never know it may work for you too. Good luck.

CathyMoran

You deserve better than this - I can understand you being upset, this is part of the grieving process. I would advise dating someone else - that is what I did when something similar happend to me, it does not have to be serious but you might meet someone very special. If you still really love her then, by all means keep the lines of communication open. In time you may get back but it is highly unlikely - this girl has treated you very badly and you deserve far better - if you did get her back it would be hard to trust her, how could you cope with that? PM me if you want to talk.

Beruthiel

forget about her, she made her decision and I'm afraid you'll just have to live with it. Sounds to me like you'd be better off anyway, she's moved on, you should too.
maybe in 6 months or a year, if you still wish, you could get in contact if you wish to remain friends. But for now just think of yourself, get out and about, it's the only way to be happy

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies lads, i'm starting to feel a bit better now at this stage.I got a lot of support from a few good friends over the last few days & it really got me through. TBH I was just totally taken aback by the severity of my own reaction to the situation. I mean I'm not the most emotional person or anything but the way that this thing affected me was something else.
I wrote an email explaining how I felt to her but I then decided not to send it. I just felt that it was only leaving myself open to more hurt if i sent it.
I made it totally clear to her how bad I was feeling & yet she still didnt respond to me (this was b4 I found out she was with some1 else & just missed her as a friend / partner). I just dont have the confidence to let her read that email now & anyway in a similar situation 4yrs ago I sent her a few letters (it was my fault this time) and she let her mother & who knows else read them.
Luckily I got them back off her after that.

The ony positive point that I can take from the whole thing is that for the last 3yrs I was completely & unbelievably faithful to her & despite her aspertions to the contrary I was totally committed to her.
I really dont feel that I would ever place the same level of trust in anyone after this though, I mean I was closer to this person than anyone else & thought that at the very least that we would be life long friends and then this happens. Its pathetic but I genuinely do hope she is happy & that she has made the right decision for herself but I'm just completely astounded at her lack of any humanity whatsoever in the way she treated me.
As for moving on, yeah I've even had opportunities already but to be honest even though I'm mad about women I just have had myself programmed not to even consider being with someone else for so long that just the idea of it seems completely alien. I'd still feel guilty if I was with someone else.

GreenHell

Ya gota agree with the sentiment here, think about it, if she can cut you out so completely, feelings have changed. Maybe not for you but you can't do jack about it. Walk away, hardiest thing you'll ever do in your life but you gota get perpective on this and look at the bigger picture. Stop calling her, stop textin her, delete her e-mail address. Clean break, its not easy and it takes time. Best of luck.

neokenzo

You may not see it at the moment but you are better off without her mate. The pain will slowly go away. But in the mean time, you need to be strong and think about yourself. Why would you want to be with someone that doesnt want you and totally disregard your feelings?

sugarboobs

ok if you really want to get her as a friend leave her one last message sayin that you want to stay friends with her coz 5 yrs is alot to lose.... if she doesnt get back to you or even wanta try then forget her.... shes not worth it if shes purposly tryna hurt you.... you WILL find someone better for you! trust me!

MrPinK

I don't think it's a good idea to try an become friends with her right now. You want to get back with, you've said that much pretty clearly. This is a huge obstacle to being friends with her. I imagine she knows you pretty well by now, she knows that you really want to be more than just friends. She'll be reluctent to treat you as a friend for fear it will give you the wrong impression or give you false hope that it's something more. You need to completely cut her out of your life right now. It's tough but it's gotta be done. Maybe when you're not losing sleep over her etc., then you could possibly be friends.