Dating woman with kid

Dónall

I've only been seeing her for just over two months now, but quite intensely. I have no actual dilemma here as I know I want to be with her. It's just that she has a four year old kid (who I haven't met yet). The dad's is England and sees the little fellow for holidays etc
Anyway, I'm curious to hear if any of you have any experiences in this area. It's clearly a huge thing to be getting in to and I was pretty reluctant at the begining, except that she's incredible , and more and more so - so that was that!

Still, I am, if not actually a bit frightened, pretty apprehensive about what it might mean along the line....

mrhappy42

No nappies for you :-)
Past the worst of sleepless nights.

Does she want more kids?

My wifes perspective would be different if her husband had passed away...strange! Is it the child or that the childs father is still around?

Enjoy life be happy.

jesus_thats_gre

incredible.. looking or personality.. pics maybe to prove it

tuxy

jesus_thats_gre wrote:

incredible.. looking or personality.. pics maybe to prove it

theres a slydice special thread going on after hours atm for people like you

Ba_barbaraAnne

As a mother on my own, I know how difficult it is dating when you have children.

From the female point of view - if you really like this girl and want to develop a deeper relationship, you have to be prepared to love her child too. When you date a single parent (this works in both directions) the child(ren) will always be a part of the relationship to some extent.

As long as you have an open, honest and loving relationship with each other, and the child's needs for love and security are taken into consideration, there is no need to be any more aprehensive about things than in any other relationship.

It's up to the pair of you how you deal with the practicalities such as what does the little lad call you etc. Does your girlfriend want you to share responsibility in a step-father role? Is there likely to be difficulties with the boy's father as he has involvement with his son's life? Only the two of you can sort out this side of things.

Hope you continue to be very happy and the best of luck!

Beruthiel

I am a mother with a child too
I did the same as your g/f, I did not introduce my child to my b/f for quite some time (no need to confuse the child for no reason). Eventually when I thought we would be together for some time I introduced them to each other. They get on fantastic. I expect nothing from him with regards to her, she has her father for that. I would say to you, not to worry, continue to see your g/f and see how it pans out. She expects nothing from you other than that. Don't worry about the child, I am of the opinion that if you really care for her then eventually you'll have no problem with the child at all. Just take it one step at a time, there is no rush here, do what you feel comfortable doing, the rest will just fall into place.

KdjaCL

Whats a child tool ?


Shouldnt be a problem at all , but once there wasnt any lying at the start maybe withholding of truths but if there was some lying , there may be some untrust in the relationship.


kdjac

chill

D&#243 wrote: »

I've only been seeing her for just over two months now, but quite intensely. I have no actual dilemma here as I know I want to be with her. It's just that she has a four year old kid (who I haven't met yet). The dad's is England and sees the little fellow for holidays etc
Anyway, I'm curious to hear if any of you have any experiences in this area. It's clearly a huge thing to be getting in to and I was pretty reluctant at the begining, except that she's incredible , and more and more so - so that was that!

Still, I am, if not actually a bit frightened, pretty apprehensive about what it might mean along the line....

I congrat you on your open mindedness. As long as you are sure you know where you will stand... where you WANT to stand as regards the child then fire away. What I mean is... if you open your heart up to it, does she accept that you will be the day-to-say dad...? or are you going to be slapped with the 'you're not it's REAL dad' phrase every time there is trouble...?
You are clearly in love with the mother, but it's the day to day living of life that drags us down at times... and in your case you need to know where you will stand.

Best of luck.

Dónall

Thanks for the replies folks - good to hear disinterested angles on things...not having met the kid means I don't get to see her nearly as much as I'd like...Well, you learn as you go along. The biggest potential problem is the dad, as she left him and his access to his son is limited not by her but simply by the practical fact that he's in England...

Day to day living is indeed the greatest challenge, and adventure.....

memphis

My eldest brother is living with a single mum, and they have been dating for well over 2 years. I can't exactly say how it has been for him or speak on his behalf, because firstly I'm obviously not him, and secondly because the relationship started while my brother was living and working in Saudi arabia, and he is now living in Switzerland, where they have a house together.

The kid (a girl, aged 6) is a little rascal, but he loves her as much as he loves his g/f, and in my opinion that is an important part in this. And as far as I can see he is happy to play happy family, she even calls my brother "daddy", it was kinda cute really! He is involved in the childs day to day life, takes her to school and looks after her etc, when her mum is unable too.

I understand you are concerned about your g/f ex, but as far as my brothers relationship goes the father of the child is non existant, I don't believe she has any contact with him (partily the reason for her move from Scotland to Saudi). I really can't help you there, only that the dad has to accept that you are now part of he's ex-girlfriend life now, and you too share in the role as "guidance" towards the child too, and maybe if the relationship progresses, in the childs upbringing!

Things will roll into place, be open-minded, and best of luck with it all!

Memphis

littleninja

My cousin started seeing a single mother when he was about 25, she had three kids (there is a 10+ year age gap between himself and herself) and they seemingly got along quite well.

They have since gotten married and have since had a child together. I can't give precise details as I have never met her, they are in England and I seldom get the chance to travel across to see any relatives there.

leeroybrown

I think there was a discussion in this vein (from the point of view of the single mother) on the Parenting forum not too long ago. perhaps you could read through that and see what advice was given.